Once upon a time, there was a young, boisterous, liberal teenage girl. Love was not on her side, but she lived life to the fullest. She knew her fairytale would find its way to her; it would just take a little time.
She waits...POOF. It comes in the physical form of a great guy - perfection in our protagonist's eyes. Nearly a year goes by, and things are wonderful. The two go through speedbumps but still love one another in the end - they feel destined to be with one another. How could things be any more perfect than this? Here's the answer: It isn't perfect.
Silly girl, you've forgotten one thing. Your perfect guy is conservative, religious and tied to his faith.
Of course, you want this man forever. For life. Your other half, your husband...HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE. You can't marry him. You aren't eligible. You are not religious, you do not belong to the church. What is this lovestricken girl to do?
There are two choices: 1) Convert, be a part of the church, live happily ever after or 2) Leave and hope for a new fairytale
Without being a member of the church, we cannot marry; at least, not to his preference. If I wasn't a member of the church, we would be married for life, but not for the afterlife, and that's something he holds in high priority. Not too bad, right? Just a new religion...NO.
This girl is the polar opposite of religious folk. She's liberal, has piercings, swears like a sailor...when it comes to everything else, she's pretty conservative, but religion has been the intimidator for most of her life. While church as a child was nothing, now it is huge. She doesn't want to be a part of it.
But how could she leave this guy? They have been through so much and love each other no matter what. She doesn't want anyone else, and neither does he. He loves her with all of his heart, but his religion is extremely important as well. He wants her forever: in this life and the afterlife.
So what does she do? Stay with the man she loves and become bound by religion or leave and keep her lifestyle at the cost of her soulmate?
Sadly, this story is still in the making...
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Comments (87)
You can't fake religion.
So...I'm sorry :-\
If you really and truly love this guy and want him 'forever' you will sacrifice this small part of YOUR life for this big part of HIS life. Though my boyfriend and I aren't religious in the least, its important to him for his children to follow some of the customs and traditions he and his family have before him. I respect that so much and for him I will convert to be married in a Catholic church and bapitize my children Catholic, because marrying HIM and having him father my children is a hundred million times more important than a mass I'll attend on Christmas Eve and Easter. For me, that aspect of religion is about family. Neither of us enjoys or believes most of religion but love, relationships and eventual marriage is all about sacrifice. Whether you like it or not. Thus ends my rant.
What a dilemma.
Religion is a huge factor in life, something that is extremely difficult to compromise on. If you cannot agree now about it, how does your future look? How would you raise your children? How will you handle funerals? Grace at meals? When one person is deeply religious and the other isn't, it just doesn't seem like it would work. If he is Christian (I am assuming) and you are not... in his religion you are doomed to hell. Could you stay with someone who thought that of you? Would it be fair to him to stay with something he thought that of?
Religion is a pain in the ass.
I'm kinda going through the same thing except we're not exactly together because he's going on his mission soon.
My first reaction was to advise that you go ahead and switch for him. Then I realized that I'd be in the same situation if I ended up with the guy I want: he's Catholic and I'm basically as you describe yourself, "liberal, has piercings, swears like a sailor". I'm not sure that I'd be able to convert to Catholicism for him. I wish you good luck in your decision, whatever it is.
I think u could convert for him.
I seen that in a lot of marriages
And who knows may be u might like it, even if you don't like it you don't need to see it everything unless they required u to be like a 100% religious person, you know go to church and do fellowships and do missions, etc
good luck, let me know how is the ending goes
You can't be religious if you have piercings and swear? Shit...
If neither of you changes (and most likely you converting) or compromise, it's not likely to work out. Religion is a big issue and conflicting in that area can destroy a relationship or cause major problems. (With the ceremony, children, funerals, going to mass, and other life events.) You've only been together for a year, so you two have time to figure it out and make a decision. If it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world... You'll find someone else, although it could be quickly or take a long while to meet them.
Latter Day Saint?
No one can tell you what to do. In the end, you have to decide for yourself. This man you love, or your liberal lifestyle. Which is more important to you? If he is, convert. If your lifestyle is, end the relationship before either of you gets any more attached.
I'm going to assume he's lds...
there are plenty of mormons who are liberal, and have piercings, and heck, even swear. if those three things are keeping you from joining the church, then you have nothing to worry about.But i'm guessing it's deeper than that. Honestly, I would suggest that you, without getting his hopes up, start attending church with him, and taking the discussions, just to see if you agree with it or not. If you do not believe in it, you should not join. But at the same time, you shouldn't refuse, until you've learned about it.
And I do know a number of members who have married nonmembers, who have been just fine. It's rare, but it happens. But if it's something that is important to him, than he probably wouldn't go for it.
So if you love him, and want to be with him, read it, pray about it, learn about it. Don't worry about the other stuff.
Liberal, no problem. Sometimes it may get a bit uncomfortable, (especially if you're in CA) but I honestly know tons of mormons who are liberals, in varying degrees.
Piercings, no problem. If you truly believed in the doctrine, I suppose you wouldn't mind taking some out. My wife had 3 per ear when she joined. I know plenty of converts with tattoos.
Swearing. Are you really gonna make such a big decision based on how much you like swearing?
If you have more questions/concerns, feel free to pm me.
(if he's not mormon, please just ignore the irrelevant parts. But most of it should still work)
darn, i thought this blog was going to be about something egyptian, what with the whole getting married in the afterlife thing =P
i agree with an above commenter... you can't fake religion. if you really love this guy you should try and see if you can believe in his tenets... but if you can't, and he can't compromise after you've tried, then leave.
should you take on this religion, will he ever be able to match your sacrifice? will you care? will he? If the answer is 'I don't know" or worse, 'no', please rethink this. Marriage itself is a life-altering experience-religion should be too. It means not only will you convert, but also be expected to cheerfully raise future children this way-and all that implies. From what I read, all that implies is what you hate. You might want to give this a couple more years to think on...
Why did he date you all this time, in what seems to be a serious relationship, if he's not willing to marry you as you are? That seems like a bad choice on his part—he's led you on, and now he's put you in a difficult position of choosing him and a life that doesn't suit you, or leaving him altogether.
If I were you, I would bring this up to him. Ask him what he expected from the beginning. Tell him that you are the way you are—you're the same you that he started dating, and you'll stay the same you.
So once you inevitably get divorced in a few years and he gets remarried, who will be the wife in heaven?
Marriage is a lifetime commitment and so is religion. If you convert to be with him and change your whole lifestyle, you have to want it wholeheartedly as much as him. If not, you're going to be living a double life and it's going to be tough if you personally have doubts and concern in the long run. Needless to say, if you're just "converting" to be with him, there won't be a chance of you two being together in the after life as well.
Before you make a decision, look at the bigger picture instead of just pieces of it.
ALRIGHTY,
first off piercings do not mean you can't be accepted by a church...that's just dumb.
Swearing is a bad habit anyways...how are you going to feel when your future 2 year old says the f word at christmas dinner because mommy drops it all the time?
Secondly love is a compromise, I'm not saying fake religious beliefs, but give it an honest try. Go to church for a few months, maybe an adult bible study...just try it out like you would a new hobby. Immerse yourself in it, who knows maybe you'll realize it's for you.
If you honestly can't do it, atleast you tried, and if that isn't good enough then do you really want to be with someone who doesn't accept your efforts and who you are as a person?
Love is a compromise, but there are levels of compromise where you must draw the line. If I were you, I wouldn't compromise if it involves faking it. On the other hand, maybe his religious beliefs indicate something that you may never have considered before. It's helpful to see why he feels the way he does before either dismissing or accepting it as a part of your life.
Also, why the fuck would piercings mean you can't be religious?
if you really love him, i say just give it a shot and see how it goes.
The religion you speak of sounds like LDS/Mormon...hmm I say why do YOU have to do all the compromising? Love is a two way street this is an issue that needs a serious discussion (maybe even counseling).
Honestly, I LOVE the idea of still being married or at least bonded in Heaven (and plan to skip the "til death" vow in my own wedding because of it), but it's obvious you don't believe in this guy's religion (and neither do I, personally). I don't understand why it has to be one way or the other, you guys need to work to find a common ground and if that cannot be found and neither one of you is willing to budge then your answer right there is that you aren't soul mates and should move on.
Okay, so, lets say that you convert to his religion. He goes to church, right? Would you feel comfortable going to his church? Would that make you miserable, or would you be okay with it?
He wants you to convert, which generally means for you to believe the same things as him. He wants you to believe in God and the general principles of his religion. If you "convert" but you don't believe any of it, you'd be lying to him if not yourself as well.
You can lie, sure, but if doing so makes you miserable (such as attending his church, listening to the talk, etc) at some point you'll blow up. You'll tell him you lied the entire time, you don't believe it. That'd make things pretty bad.
If you really love him, converting would be worth it; but only if you could be happy if you were to convert.
christians believe in afterlife too? anyway, if u do want to convert, do it because u believe in Christ and not cos of your life partner. He can introduce u to Christianity but not asking you to convert for him.
You said 'church' but not Christian. As far as I know, in Christianity there is no marriage in Heaven, so I'm not sure what religion he follows.
This is something you two should have talked about near the beginning, but I imagine you would have given things a chance even if you knew about this conflict of interest.
Converting to a religion should NEVER be for the sake of someone else. If you don't truly believe what he believes, then it's pointless. If there is no room for reasonable compromise, I think it would be best to break up.
Hahaha I'm guessing he is LDS. It's okay, I am too. I'm going to be honest, if he's smart, he's not going to budge on this one. How can one honestly say "I love you so much, I'll give up eternity for 70 years with you"? Sorry, it just doesn't make sense. As a missionary-minded Latter-Day-Saint, I say give the Church a good long look. If not, even if he is willing to compromise it, don't let him. Even if you don't believe that he is, at some point during your marriage, he'll realize he traded eternity for you, and he'll resent you for it.
Don't convert unless you wholeheartedly want to. Religion is pretty important and if you aren't committed to it, then there's no reason to convert. Stay true to your own beliefs. :)
Somebody else has said it but its true, you can't fake religion. It'll eventually get in the way down the road. What will you tell your children? Would he be comfortable with you telling them that, would you be comfortable with him telling them that? Religious functionings? His side of the family portray you as? A list of things someone else already named lol.