Monday, 23 March 2009

  • Is It Scarier to Tell Someone How You Feel or Never Know?

    So there's this guy I'm into. He seems like he's into me. But I don't know. He seems to always be there for me whenever I need someone to talk to. He spoils me from time to time. We talk every day, sometimes for hours and hours. He's almost everything I ever wanted in a guy. But I don't know if he likes me or not. He tells me I'm beautiful and sexy but if he does like me why doesn't he just tell me? Do you think he likes me?

    What's scarier - telling someone how you feel about them or being stuck in (insert spooky music) Relationship Limbo before you establish where you both stand? 




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Comments (79)

  • quicksandbuddy@xanga

    Guys don't like to talk about "feelings." We'd rather risk missing out on love than tell some girl we like her. If he's calling you sexy and talking to you for hours (especially on the phone), that either means he's gay or he really likes you.
  • princess_Tea@xanga

    For me, telling someone how I feel is a whole lot scarier then never letting them know.  I personally am afraid of rejection and would be pretty embarrassed to tell them how I feel if they don't feel the same way I do.  If we were friends to begin with, I would not want to risk losing their friendship because I know things are never the same after one confesses to the other about their feelings and the feeling is not mutual.
  • keyboarderrr@xanga

    sounds like we're in the same boat. i've asked and was disappointed by my answer, but give it a try. it's only scary when you get worked up. after it's all said and done, you'll be glad you did it. not knowing is too horrible and never ending.
  • pillowpixies@xanga

    Telling someone how you feel about them is nerve-wracking and can be intimidating, while being stuck in relationship limbo is simply miserable.
  • whowantstoloseit@xanga

    I still find it scary when you've got things established, even when the facts are that you're into someone and they return the feelings. Maybe I'm strange, though.


    Sounds to me like there's something with you and this guy, even if it's just a nice friendship with a crush on the side. Really, being available for hours of conversation is nice - it's something you do for a friend, and that should be the basis of any relationship, anyway. At least that's how I look at it.


    The times when I've gotten fed up and impatient with guys in the whole "Do you like me or not?" deal, never turned out well. I figure it'll come out eventually.
  • msarianne@xanga

    i just found out a guy i am really attracted to, is really gettin serious wit this other girl. and it disappoints me because i never told him. i think personally, its scarier to never know. i'm a fighter. i know i can get over rejection eventually. i mean, whats the worst that can happen? "no?"

    i think its scarier to never know because - what'll happen if we had a shot? what'll happen if it could have been something great, amazing? or maybe i'll find out, we totally won't work out. at least i'll know and won't be left wondering.

  • eternal_relevance@xanga

    If you've already decided that you want a relationship with this person, then telling them how you feel is scarier.

    I think that when you're good friends and you risk the other person not reciprocating those feelings. --It can be end up being painfully awkward and sometimes even wreck the friendship permanently.

  • katiwitz@xanga

    I was in love with my best friend for a year. His family moved almost two hours away. I never told him I loved him until a week after he'd been gone.


    Who knows what we missed out on.
    It's better to be shut down, then to spend your life wondering "what if.. "
  • xxthatsmexx@xanga

    Depends on what kind of a person he is.  If he's a natural flirt/nice guy, then it might not mean much to him, and he might be a little scared to talk to you if you admit your feelings.  If not, then he's probably genuinely interested.  I always say to go for it, but if you're really hesitant, then maybe there's something telling you that it isn't the right time.  Good luck!
  • thatskinnygirlxo@xanga

    Telling someone that you have feelings for them is always scary.  But from what you wrote I got the impression that this guy really is into you. 


    So my advice is this:  Just let him know, suck it up & put it all out there.  At this point, the two of you are nothing more than friends that flirt, so tell him girl.. you've got nothing to lose & who knows what you may gain. =) 


    Don't miss out on something that has the potential to be amazing. <3

  • Eternal_Nocturne@xanga

    The worst thing you can do is miss out on something that could last a million years because neither of you said anything. Trust me, just ask him. The worst he can do is say no and give an odd awkwardness; but it's best to know where it stands and where it can all lead.
  • fudge_inthefridge@xanga

    Im scared shitless of rejection.  I'd rather wait in despair and desperation! haha

    Unfortunately, I don't take "no's" lightly.
  • happyobligations@xanga

    Telling is scarier than not telling. Not telling them lets you control what "might" happen, in your imagination. Telling them means you've lost control of the million possible ways it could've turned out.
  • AttractHappiness@xanga

    if the "what if's" are driving you insane, then tell him.
  • AngelStarr@xanga

    u only live once. u might as well find out the truth rather than not knowing. "if you love/like someone you should just say it or time just passes u by" my favorite quote from the movie [my best friend's wedding] a prime example of this situation. lol.
  • Icecold4u@xanga
    set apart from the pack...

    Sorry, but I have to disagree with all of this "cowardice" (no offense to anybody), but people are simply making this situation more difficult than it needs to be; Telling someone "I like you" or any variation on it, is just that, telling them your feelings, regardless to what they think about you. Fear of rejection needs to be gotten over immediately, you should feel good for letting out your feelings, and there should be no guilt coming from the opposing side.


    For me, it is much better to tell what needs to be told rather than hold it back, and avoidance is the WORSE coping mechanism, whether it works or not, because not telling is ultimately avoiding a self-made problem.


    It is "scarier" to tell your feelings, but better in the long run. I've had this problem before, and it was easy to get past:
    -One: Telling someone your feelings is a selfish move (at least from my interpretation), so there is no other barrier besides yourself, and even something as silly as practicing infront of a mirror can help.
    -Two: Rejection, this is no different than your parent telling you that you can't have that toy that you wanted for awhile, eventually, it'll go by, and you'll find better. The only difference is, this is more personal a topic, nothing more, nothing less.
    -Three: You can only up your chances of hearing a "yes" or knowing they like you too by telling them your feelings; Not telling them you like them, your staying the X-Axis on the line grid, no progess at all, negative or positive. Become a risk taker already and let it out! Life is not short, its the longest thing you'll go through, but your better off writing a good story, than sitting in mystery.


    (Side Note: I don't in any way want to come off as non-sympathic at all, just over coming problems like this, much simplier than it looks)

  • the_loveliest_tragedy@xanga

    @fudge_inthefridge@xanga - I don't take no's lightly either.
  • tubbz87

    I'm in a similar situation but I still want to get to know this person better since I just met him. But for me, it's scarier to tell someone how I feel because I'm afraid of rejection... I think it's only when all the signs are there, then I'll feel a bit more comfortable spilling out my feelings.
  • wobble@xanga

    Chances are he is scared that by telling you, he might lose you as a friend. Or he's gay.


    Don't rush it though. He definitely likes you. A lot of people, including myself, think that this "relationship limbo" is one of the funnest times you can have. Give him some time (and I don't mean days... I mean like a month or two, and drop subtle hints here and there to let him know that you like him). Hopefully he will work up the plan and courage to let you know how he feels. If he still doesn't.. well, ask him whether he's gay might be a good idea then
  • JazzedUpArcher@xanga

    My boyfriend and I were in a similar situation before we got together, but he never really hid the way he felt about me. I was the one that was reluctant to admit that I had feelings for him, but it didn't stop him from being there for me, and I knew how he felt, but he wasn't creepy about it! [Thank goodness!] With us, the truth just sort of came out after a while; it was really clear that we wanted to be together so we just ended up that way. 


    Every relationship is different, and how you find out about how the other one feels is ultimately up to you, as is telling them about your own emotions. My boyfriend and I had established a really great friendship before anything happened, and I think it was a good approach. 
    Anyway, I think it's better to know, and there are a lot of different ways to find out/tell them. Even if you end up hurt in the end, it keeps you from chasing someone when there isn't any potential. Good luck! 
  • kawasaki_saiyan@xanga

    if you know there's a chance, take the chance, that's what i would do..  at least if it doesn't work out, you could continue on with your life..  
  • DJ_Mullet@xanga

    id say its defintely a good mix between the both of them, lol, but most times guys let things pass them by because of ykno, risking ourselves to failure and of course, no one likes failure so we'd rather stay in the 'friendship zone' than be open about anything to make a relationship possibility. but id say its scarier [personally] to never take that step, id rather have it out on the table to see how it plays out....wish for the best for you!! peace
  • Jasmine_Tea

    I think it's more scary when you tell somebody how you feel.
  • TheL0ki@xanga

    There are so many people who I've never told how I feel. :(
  • sorluii@xanga

    LOL im stuck in the same position as u. and i've been here for a long long time already. so i guess this says that im a wuss and would rather wait not knowing than getting knocked down by rejection.

    my friends all tell me otherwise. that even THEY know something is going on between the two of us. but i just cant seem to work up the courage to tell him.

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