I'm not married, but I'm in the same situation.  I work full time and I support my boyfriend.  Granted, we do not have a house, but he has been unemployed for a year, and does not want to do the work to make new resumes.

He wants jobs to fall in his lap, while having his resume on workopolis and monster.

He should be out looking for jobs.  He should be at job agencies.  He should be perfecting his resumes.  He's not.

He's playing warcraft between sleeping, eating, and shower.  Oh, and spending weekends with me (which also consists of playing warcraft).  It is frustrating, and a couple of times I have thought that I was at my wit's end.

I honestly, honestly honestly, as awful as this sounds, think you need to have a screaming/crying fit before they fucking get it.  YOU are working.  YOU are paying the bills.  THEY GET TO SIT AT HOME AND DO NOTHING AND IT ISN'T FAIR.  The sacrifices you put into the relationship, the money, the time, the effort, and they do nothing.

You have to get angry.  You have to cry.  You have to get loud, scream, wail.  Honestly when this stuff happens, you need a LOUD awakening before they get it.

That or just destroy their console/computers.  If they can't afford a new one, they better get a fucking job.

I know you love him, like I love my darling, and I help him by looking for jobs for him, but unless I break down, saying I can't take it, guys are thick and they just don't get that we need help sometimes.

There's a huge difference between a dream and reality.  While he's mostly on the dreaming side, he also needs to wake up and come back to reality.  In order for him to reach his dream and be financially secure, he needs a reality check.  If not from losing his job and struggle financially until he finds another job, you need to step your foot down.  

Why are you looking for job openings for him while he sits his ass down playing computer games when he's capable of doing it himself?  That's when you should say, "No.  You do it."  Though you support him on his dream, you are not his maid to look for a job for him.  Or to take care of him financially until his dreams come true.

You have your own responsibilities and so does he.

It takes hard work to even live decent in reality and it will take double the hard work to live in reality and to pursue his dreams.  If he wants to pursue his dreams, he has to work for it.  You are not responsible to make it happen or to find him a job.  You are only there to support him.

Aw... Hm. Have you talked to him and be like "listen.. You're lying when you say you 'don't have time'  to look for work. Point blank. How can I say this? Because, you come home and play video games for hours. Perhaps just one or two night of the week, you could devote to looking for yourself to find a job?" Let him know that yes, of course you love him. And yes, you know he needs a break and time to "unwind" after a long, hard day of work. Remember, you hold a job too? But he needs to make time allotments (sp?) and divide up how much time he spends doing each activity, you know? He doesn't "need" the WHOLE night to unwind, persay. You know? So, yeah.. Just let him know you understand and love him, but he needs to make an effort in this too, or else you guys just may end up not being able to make a house payment or something if he were to loose his job before something else made itself available (which in this job market, could take over a YEAR, you know? :/ ).. So, yeah..

Have you ever read a book called "The First 90 Days of Marriage" by a couple named Eric & Leslie Ludy? I'm reading it currently, and they talk about things such as this in it, I believe. :) Maybe not your exact situation, but ways to help to keep it from forming (since it talks about the first 90 days of marriage life together). You could take what you learn in the book, and perhaps try altering it a little bit to fit more your style of relationship (been married for years)?

Hope something I said helps you, girl.. Anything I can do to help, let me know.

<3, ~*Akarui Mitsukai*~

@haloed@xanga - Amen to your last statement! That's so true. Unless we tell guys, verbatim, exactly what's going on, they often don't even seem to realize that we need help for the most part, you know? They're not mind-readers. :) I wish they were! haha. :) But, they're not. ;)

You should put in as much effort as he does.  If he thinks playing computer games for a few hours is more important than finding a job then he really can't expect you to pick up the slack.

I dated a slacker for a while and I'm glad I got out of that because it's really hard to deal with.

I think it's reasonable to put your foot down soon, if he doesn't snap out of it.  Maybe he's scared, and would rather hope for something good to happen.  That way, if something goes wrong, it won't be his fault, whereas it would be "his fault" if he tried and failed.  Still, shirking his responsibilities, especially now that you're a family and a team, isn't an idealistic way to live.  Talk to him soon, because you can't be the only one working a stable job in the relationship.

I don't think this has anything to do with loving him for him.  You're not changing his personality, just a sort of...regressive lifestyle.  He's depending on you, and that's a lot of responsibility that no one should have to bear.  I'm sure almost everyone else agrees that it's not fair for either of you to carry the weight of the financial burden alone.  Put your foot down  because you do love him, not because you don't.  Good luck!

you need to tell him that enough is enough. he is living in a dream world and well quite frankly he needs to grab a hold of reality and take it for a ride instead. living your dream is one thing, but waiting for something to just be handed down to you on a silver platter is just some bullshit.

His actions aren't very logical. When he starts opening up his video games, why don't you ask him if he's done anything to look for another job? Sure, you helping him look for a job would be great - but only if he's helping to do it. Playing video games isn't exactly the way you put food on the table.

Talk to him about it, first. Calmly, rationally. Point out that him playing around isn't helping either of you. Point out that for him to achieve his little dream, he needs to keep a job to pay for it.

If he still doesn't straighten up, I'd say that's about time to put your foot down. I mean really, if he goes down.. you're going down with him.

You should be talking to him about this as soon as possible. What he's doing is not right.

you know what's scary? the second i just read the title of the post (before i even clicked it) i was thinking about my bf and his neverending rockstar dream. he's in a band as well and they're on the verge of making it in this little island. (i live in singapore)
but after 4 years of watching them grow, change, evolve and what not i finally put my foot down when i realised this whole band thing is essentially going nowhere. not because of him, but because of his band mates.
he would put hours and alot of money into recordings, sessions, jamming and what not. he would be the first to arrive at gigs, network and everything. the other guys simple didn't bother.. AT ALL. it got so bad that when we met with a guy to design the press kit for them, me, their manager, him and the guy sat down at a table, and hte rest of the guys were just sitting at another table, eating, laughing, drinking and not even aknowldgeing this guy who wanted to help them. that's when i lost it.

after he was gone i stood them in a corner and blasted them all. ive been supportive of him and his band for 4 years, gone to every single gig, bought every single tshirt, paid all the entrance fees, did the advertising for htem and what not, and to see these other 3 guys take it as a joke was the final straw.

i dont want him putting his all into something and getting nothing out of it. i want to see him succeed in lfe and live life to the most.  i think that was about the time when he woke up as well and realised. i know he would ahve wanted more out of it but the band just wasn't ready. they now play more as  hobby than anything else.

to answer your question, i stepped in when i realised what major consequences this dream of chasing a rockstar life would mean on his future because i ultimately saw it fail. i stepped in when i realised he couldnt' anymore and when he was in denail. i know alot of girls in my situation wouldn't have, and i runined my friendships with the other band mates, but ultimately i dont regret doing it.

im not controlling, neither am a bossy or tell him what to do, but when i saw how his future would be affected i basically sat him down and brought him back down to earth.  there aren't that many opportunities in life, you should take them when you can.

Sit him down and tell it as it is. You have to put your foot down some time, it's easy to indulge ourselves and our loved ones in their dreams, but you also live in the REAL WORLD when you can't just shrug off the needs to live. You have bills to pay and food to buy; while he's playing the 12 yr old with an extended curfew to hang with the boys and just jam all night long, you're becoming his mother and not his equal partner. If he can't understand the obviousness to the fact that it's HARD WORK and he needs to do the WORK part as you clearly have, then yes... Give him an ultimatum... what has he done to understand where YOU are coming from?

He's not acting like an aspiring musician when he's playing video and computer games with his friends, he's acting like a child. If music is important for him to invest all of his time and passion, then he should at least practice for his upcoming show rather than sitting on his ass and brushing up on the latest toy for kids. And if he doesn't, maybe music is just an excuse for him to act like a child while you clean up his mess and feed him. You are NOT his mother but his SPOUSE and it's time he treats you with the consideration and respect as you have shown him. If not, then maybe it's time you look after yourself FIRST.
GOOD LUCK

Set your foot down before it's too late and you're both in a desperate situation.