Sunday, 22 March 2009
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He Wants to Be Friends But Treats Me Badly
So, my boyfriend of seven months broke up with me back in January. I was devastated and tried to mostly stay away from him. If he texted me, I would reply, but when he did text me, even after we had been broken up for less then a week he would say things like "Ooh I really like this other girl, this other girl is sooo hot", etc. I had enough, so I tried to cut him out of my life.
Then, a month or so later, he texted me saying he still loves me. And so I say all right, we should talk about this in person. I came to find out that he meant he loved me...as a friend...and thought that I would know that was what he meant. He asked if we could be friends, and said he was done hurting me. I told him he had three strikes.After less than a month, he'd used up all of his strikes for various hurtful reasons, such as performing a song about our breakup in front of me. So I told him we're done.
Then a week later, he texted me three times, and I didn't reply. He texted me saying I'm selfish for ignoring him, so I thought I'd call and at least straighten things out. We talked for another hour until I had to go to a piano lesson. He texted me again that night, called me again and we talked for another two hours (about nothing of importance, mind you, just about music and friends and dreams and stuff) and later, he texted me multiple times that night again (meaning multiple conversations, not just messages).
When he called me selfish, he said I was ridiculous and make a big deal out of everything.
If I'm so ridiculous, why does he still want to be in my life?
And why is he so persistent to get back into my life?
I've made it very clear that I don't want to be friends because he ends up saying something rude in the end. Why can't he leave me alone?
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About the Author
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- From: ChelseaSmilesMore@xanga
- Name: Chelsea
- About Me: I'm Chelsea. 19 years of age, living in Colorado. I like reading, animals, and writing, singing, and piano. Depending on who you are, I can be easy to get along with or we could have nothing to talk about. I blog about my life, my experiences, and my emotions, and try not to hold anything back. Some people may think that's wrong, but I just think that's me
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Comments (69)
It's an ego trip. As long as he can get away with treating you like dirt, stringing you along and telling you that you're the one with the prolems, then he has all the power. He won't go away until you make him, which by the way I highly recommend.
You should be asking yourself why can't you get over him instead. You say you want him to stop, but the fact that you keep humoring him suggests otherwise. Ignore him.
Have you just tried not answering his messages and calls at all?
hmm tough situation you got going on there..
maybe that is his sense of humor? I don't know... maybe he thinks that he is funny when he does these things to you? but nonetheless... if it hurts your feelings... it hurts your feelings. bottom line. he needs to cut it out. Have you told him that the things that he has been saying have been hurtful? Do you act like you are hurt? I don't know... I would be really CLEAR about how I am feeling if anyone would say hurtful things about me... especially an ex... someone you have had relations with.
well... hmm and I know this is probably hard for you cause you still might have feelings for him? and he just wants to be friends but then ends up acting like a jerk towards you? I know you might not want to hear this... but you should just cut him out of your life... unless he changes how he acts towards you...
and maybe he is so persistent because he might still have feelings for you but does not know if you still do. He wants you in his life for a reason... I'm guessing he might want to get back with you eventually... but hey I could be wrong.
sorry this is so long haha.
restraining order.
Who cares what he thinks? You don't need to put up with that. Just stop talking to him and let him think what he may.
Hey Arnold<3 best show ever!
I think he's too much of a hassle. If he's gonna "love you" one second and insult you the next, he's just not worth it. Cut off your ties; you deserve better "friends."
He can't leave you alone because you always give in to him. If you ignore him completely and cut him out of your life for good, maybe then he can leave you alone.
Clearly, he's not taking you seriously. Your actions speak different than your words. And he knows that too.
most phone companies will help you block a number from being able to contact you if it gets serious enough. Basically, you need to shut him out of your life. It'll lead no where. I was in a situation identical to yours but I did not ignore him or avoid him and was dragged into this terrible cycle for four years. There are so many wonderful people out there, don't let this one guy ruin that for you.Â
You know, I've got two best friends who I am extremely loyal to; but I don't always say the nicest things to them or around them. Odds are, he's either a fan/practitioner of dark comedy, or he's just able to find comedy and laughs in anything; both as I do.
A&B: He does want to be your friend; but odds are he's got a problem or two. He might view what you two have as nothing more than a fight. You need to sit him down and tell him that what he was doing was really not funny and that you two broke up for a reason. He's gotta get off this ego trip.
C: Tell him straight out to get lost. If he's got ADHD like I got, he's not going to take a hint easily, so be crude to him. It's as somebody else already said; you're probably giving into him out of subconscious emotions or the fact that you're being too nice.
If you really want him out, be consistent. Don't talk to him unless it's an absolute emergency and he's the last person you can contact on the planet. Maybe he still has some feelings for you, or maybe he gets some sick, sadistic pleasure out of getting you to talk to him. Whatever it is, it's his problem. Your "being selfish" is his problem. The only problem you have is him. Cut him out of your life, and the pest problem is gone. Good luck!
Here is an idea... why don't you use one of your guyfriends to answer the phone every time he calls to supremely piss him off. If he can not reach you, he'll stop calling/texting. But if by some small chance you actually like his attention, then I can't really help you. He's not going to stop acting like an asshole and I wouldn't tolerate that kind of name calling. You're better than that.
hon', i think he sounds a little self-centered and maybe even has a cruel streak. you were wise to consider cutting him out of your life. it seems he wants to be in your life when it's convenient for him, but he really doesn't care about you enough. not romantically or even as a very good friend. b/c even good friends treat each other better. i'd suggest not texting him back, not taking his calls when he's bored. it sounds like you've done more than enough already; don't let him guilt trip you any further.
i've seen this too much lately; girls and guys break up but want to be able to run back to their exes anytime they get lonely or want somebody to talk to. it's over. unless he really wants to be in a relationship with you, he needs to find a new girlfriend or a new best buddy.
hope that helps <3
@xxthatsmexx@xanga - i wish i could have broken that down as concisely as you did. if i had read that first, i would have saved a lot of unnecessary words. lol.
@itiscomplicated - exactly.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - true, true
Yeah, just quit talking to him, and he'll stop. =) He sounds like a douche anyway.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Uh agreed. If you want him out of your life, take him out. You keep inviting him back in by talking to him and taking his abuse.
This sounds like it could turn into a potentially bad situation. He wants to see other girls, but he wants to keep you around and does seem controlling.
You said he performed a song about your break up in front of you....WHAT!!
Sounds like this guy likes to beat you down, get under your skin, etc. He likes to get to you, if you know what I mean.
Honestly... ignore him. Ignore, ignore... he will go away eventually. Sometimes it's hard to turn them loose because they can put a guilt trip on you, but it really sounds like he makes you feel shitty! No one deserves that! Be consistent, stay strong, and just remove him completely from your life. Don't let him bring you down, because he doesn't sound like much of a friend.
honestly, the title tells me all i need to know.
why would you be friends with someone who's a jerk to you? seriously?
You should be ignoring him! Don't answer him no matter what he says, because he just wants the attention you give him (even if it's bad attention).
he's playing mind games with you. he knows that if he calls you selfish or any of those stuff you'd still care and you'd still want to talk to him and get it straighten out. he's just playing mind games and apparently he still have mind control over you. since even after you said you were done, he did some manipulation, and bam you guys are talking again. just ignore it. no matter what he say. he's just an ex. he's toying with your feelings. why should what HE say matters anymore? just forget about him, ignore him and move on. even if he text you, just delete it.
He won't leave you alone because you keep giving him attention. That "selfish" comment was bait for you to start talking again, and you fell for it. Tell him to stop being a jerk and leave you alone, and then leave it at that.
I can't say why I think he keeps trying to talk to you for sure, though everyone else has definitely given some very likely choices to choose from in that area. I think you just need to cut him out of your life entirely. It's a lot like dealing with kids, in this case. You said you'd give him three strikes, if he went to third strike he'd be done and you two wouldn't talk anymore. He went past three, yet you continued talking to him. Just like that would have shown a kid that they can walk all over you, it showed him that he's going to get what he wants no matter what.
If he makes you miserable, don't talk to him anymore. Don't let him guilt you into talking to him (which is what he done by saying you were being selfish) and you shouldn't feel the need to explain yourself. He thinks you're being selfish? That doesn't matter because you're cutting him out of your life anyway. You should only feel the need to explain things to someone who's going to remain in your life.
Cut him off. Don't return his calls or texts. Like someone else said, the phone company can block his number for you.
Ugh. He probably doesn't know what he wants. I know someone like that.
Stop giving him chances. Ignore him. Who cares if he thinks you're selfish? Don't give a damn. He's just asking for attention from you. CUT HIM OFF.