Sunday, 22 March 2009
-
Is This Love or Lust? I Can't Tell Anymore
Mr. A is my former boss, and I met him nine years ago. I was attracted to his charming charisma and handsome face right away. Work had been fun and exciting, watching his many expressions and always peeping over the door for him to come in every morning unknowingly. At that time, I was in a two-year relationship with another guy. Though I enjoyed watching Mr. A's every move then, I'd felt a need to pursue my desired career and left the company. I had been missing Mr. A very much after leaving, so I managed to find an extremely stupid excuse and texted him. He replied and we arranged for a date. From then, we started our unusual relationship, and I got involved with him physically and emotionally. I felt very guilty toward my then-boyfriend. Unexepectedly, my boyfriend suggested a breakup as he started falling in love with another girl. Though I was upset, after days of wallowing, I was actually happy and relieved that I could date Mr. A without having to lie about the situation.
This continued until Mr. A married his childhood galfriend. I'd known about his relationship from the beginning, and we had a mutual understanding that our relationship wasn't serious. I thought I could handle it, but I was devasted when I found out he was getting married.
As the saying goes, time heals all wounds. Although I didn't ever really get over him, I accepted the fact after months. After his marriage, our relationship continued as usual, though not as often - sometimes the gap between encounters was six months, sometimes even longer.
While I was still trying to master this game, my now-husband came along. I told him my now-husband the truth and that I wanted to leave him out of this. But instead of walking away, he wanted to make me forget Mr A and continue with him.
With his help, I was able to pull myself out of my pithole...and so, we were together, seriously thinking of forgetting Mr. A. After 2 years and having been married to my guy, I received a call from Mr. A and realised that the wall of defense I had built over those two years was actually very delicate. I was shattered to pieces when I heard his voice. I started meeting him behind my husband's back.
I know I've loved my husband. If not, I wouldn't have gotten married to him and had a baby with him. However, I still miss Mr. A and the temptation of seeing him is irresistible. Throughout these years, I'd had feelings for Mr. A on and off. Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't have feelings for me at all, so why would I waste my time on him? Other times, I just could care less about anything in the world and I just wanna see him, even for a minute.
But in the relationship with Mr. A, our interactions and meetings were infrequent, and each time, we got physical. It seems that I am only a sex partner.
I have no idea about my feelings for him now. Am I just lusting for him or do I really love him? Can I really love him when I do not know much about him?
Can you help me answer this question that's been haunting me for years?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: anonymish
- About Me: This post was submitted by a Datingish reader who wanted to remain anonymous. You can submit your own anonymous post at www.datingish.com/submit-post - just make sure you let us know you wouldn't like to have your username displayed!
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 227 Views: 0 543096 Comments: 0 13046 View all posts by anonymish
Comments (40)
I think the chase is more adventurous than the catch, in this case. You're happy with your husband and your child, but there's just some mystery and excitement in the "what if" factor. And I wish I didn't have to say this, but even if it is love, he seems to be acting purely on lust. I think it's best if you both stay away from each other, because either your husband's (and the guy's wife's) feelings will be hurt, or yours will. Either way, it's a pretty horrible outcome. Good luck!
I'd say it's just lust. And since you're both married, shame on you for cheating. An idea: when you think about going and getting physical with Mr A... instead, think about how it will most likely rip apart your family and hurt your child and husband if they find out.
I think this sounds more like lust than love. To me true love seeks the best thing for the person you love and if he is married it's probably not the best thing for him to be sneaking off with you for sex.
it sounds like perhaps you love the way he makes you feel. not so much him, but what he does to you. coming from an inexperienced kid, it sounds like lust.
Relationships that you begin [or continue] through infidelity will not work out. Why has it been a discontinuous relationship? Each of you was involved with another person at the same time. Do you really want to go through that again? Especially when you have a baby in the picture. You're not just acting for yourself anymore; your decisions affect your whole family.
if you truly love him, it is probably one-sided... but with all the deception and lies you've conjured up from this ongoing affair with Mr. A, I don't believe leaving your husband to pursue a real relationship with him is actually worth it. He's been a great deceiver to many women...don't let yourself believe he won't deceive you as well.
Sounds like you have yourself a "sex buddy". Unfortunately, I think it's harder (if not impossible) for women to handle that kind of situation.
you're a cheater........ and you're a booty call for Mr. A... so sad....I don't even know why you went off and married someone else... if you really love your husband... you wouldn't go off having sex with someone else... you shouldn't even bring your baggage into someone else's life.. you should have been single... so obviously it's lust!
To be honest, you should think about your baby and how selfish your actions are. You guys are just sex buddies; it's not love... it's as simple as that. And you should tell your husband about this because cheating is never justified.
@tubbz87 - Agreed.
Sounds more like lust than love to me.
@ANgeL_4rm_AbOvE@xanga - wow you said it. i totally agree. sex buddy. lust. booty calls. not love!
Lust, lust, lust. Your poor husband stuck with you instead of walking away, which most people would do, and hes under the impression that he's all yours. How much of a crushing feeling is that if he were to find out that he was sharing your universe with someone else all along? You need to end it, before something comes out and ends it all for you. Because something always does. What's done in the dark always comes out in the light and the cheating situation is the number one example of that expression.
It's lust and you are such a selfish bitch to keep lusting for him when you "love" your husband. Love in quotes because you keep running to Mr. A and hiding all this from your husband. Real love means you can fight off temptation to be with anyone other than who you're with. Honestly you're wasting your husband's time since the beginning when he wanted to help you out. And you repay him by this? Yea that's real love all right. And pretty selfish to keep wanting to do it because it seems you can't even stop yourself long enough to realize how wrong you are.
I'm not sure there is a difference between love and lust anymore!
ummm....im really disturbed by this blog because i was thinking id read about a single woman wondering if the person she was with true love or just lust....and then all it was to me was a blog about cheating.
wooow. I mean i dont want to judge but since you are letting this all out for the world to read im gonna state my opinion and you are a horrible person for cheating not only on ur ex bf but YOUR HUSBAND who you stood infront of all your family and friends that you would be faithful and loyal too.....im just sooo disgusted really. AND you have BABY with this man.......
I think A) you need to get some self respect B) MORALS C) you are just a booty call and nothing more to Mr. A.
you are a very unfaithful person and I think you need to admit this to your husband. But i think your husband was a little naive to believe that you would completely forget about Mr. A but that still does not on any level justify your infidelity.
And you talked about your cheating so casually...im sorry im just so...what has come to the world??
i'm pretty sure it's lust. i don't get it. if you love your husband as you say you do, then how can you deal with hurting your husband AND your kid like that?no matter how much attraction you have for that other guy, you'll try to ignore it. even though you said you really tried, it seems like you aren't. and to me it seems like you're just a booty call. why would you ever want that?
@ANgeL_4rm_AbOvE@xanga - Not a damn thing I could probably say that you had just posted. Well said!
To the poster: You two are fuck-buddies. It's pure lust! If I ever get pussy that tastes like a peach, I sure as hell aren't going to forget the woman who gave it to me!
Now; if you are going to act on your lust, don't do it. Many boyfriends aren't going to risk two strikes on you (hell, I'm surprised and a half that your current husband did). If you act on this, your husband breaks up with you, and Mr.A goes back to his squeeze; then you're completely fucked.
@Neurotically_Mine@xanga - agreed.
@ANgeL_4rm_AbOvE@xanga - agreed
@tubbz87 - i agree.
how does the baby/child get affected by all this. how do you know A doesn't have other women and that you might not be bringing home std's to your husband. i agree that this is selfish behavior. it doesn't sound like you know the meaning of the word love at all.
animals give into their desires, humans can show restraint. yeah, it's hard, but if you resist these urges enough they will stop.
@babyblue5201314@xanga - i know, right? A isn't all that if he's cheating on his wife. he's also not all that if he can get another woman to cheat on her husband.
@TheL0ki@xanga - love is an action verb. you choose to love somebody regardless of how you might feel at times. it's self-sacrificing at times, cares about the other person's best interests, protects the other's reputation, it's respectful, gentle, kind, forgiving, it's not selfish, it's patient, kind, enduring, hopeful etc.
lust is more about feelings, desire, etc. it fades b/c there's no unconditional commitment; it dies when it feels like it
@TheL0ki@xanga - p.s. i'm sorry for deleting you on my xanga. i was downsizing my list b/c i was getting too much feed. i felt really bad about it and forgot about it until just now.
I actually just wrote a blog entry about the "other woman" type of situation. ha. But anyways, only you know how you feel towards this guy. Obviously you have some type of connection with him...
Well, the thing that I noticed while reading your post was that you wonder if he has feelings for you. You say that, after you say that he told you (and you accepted until you found out he was getting married) your relationship was only physical. He most likely doesn't have feelings for you past friendship. He wants to have sex with you every once in a while, if he actually had feelings for you he'd probably want more than that - not to mention he wouldn't have married another woman in the process.
You mention how good looking he is, but you don't really mention how he makes you happy, or how he makes you feel - other than aroused, obviously. I'd say that's lust. It seems like you get a thrill by chasing him, a thrill by sneaking around with him; but you don't get an emotional thrill. Yeah, I'd definitely say lust.
I fail to understand how you would continue to see this guy despite the fact that he married another woman, and even after you married. How could you even manage to fall in love with someone else when you're so infatuated with Mr. A?
So to answer your title question, it's lust. And you're being disgustingly selfish. You need to come clean with your husband, and stop seeing Mr. A. Even if it were actually love, obviously it's one-sided, otherwise Mr. A. wouldn't have gotten married to someone else.