Spring break ended and I'm back in school. As with any other break, I'm not happy to be back, but then again I haven't been happy to be in law school for a while. I do want my degree, but I just don't like this school. Simply put, I'm stuck.
For break, I decided to visit my friends in the Midwest, and I had fun. The weather was great, the company was awesome, there really isn't much else that I could ask. I finally met my friend's friend whom she has mentioned to me a few times. To make a long story short, I think telling me about her didn't really do her justice. She's very cute, intelligent (she is going for a Ph.D.), definitely knows how to work hard and play hard... Let's just say she's left a good "first impression" upon me. I say it in quotes because I'm not sure how much you can imply we "talked," especially because most of our face to face conversations were after consuming alcohol, the rest were with friends.
The one thing that is a clincher in the story is the distance. She isn't a fan of long distance relationships. Me on the other hand, I wouldn't mind giving it a shot. Conflicting interests there? Yeah, just a bit.
But what is it about long distance relationships that has a lot of people apprehensive?
Yeah, you don't get to see each other as often as you want and most of the conversations today would be via webcam/text/phone calls/e-mails, but it's also not like it's 15 years ago when none of those technological advances existed. Not too many would remember the good old days of writing letters and sending them in the mail. People these days meet online, being distant, and end up married. And besides, doesn't that always make the time you spend together even more better?
Maybe it's because I'm single, and have been for almost two years, and I'm also feeling the age thing hit me when relatives ask me if I'm married and my peers from high school are engaged and married as well.
But what happens if you meet someone, and this person just happens to be the one you were meant to be, but you don't let it happen because you're three time zones apart? Both of you are working hard on your individual lives to be successful in your careers. But you don't let anything happen because of the distance. Does that really make any sense?
One of the things I've learned in law school, and I feel applies to everything, is that we have rules for everything, but under the right circumstances, there is an exception. So would a long distance relationship, or avoiding it, be the rule, or the exception?
Oh, and as far as me and the girl, I'm thinking just intermittent contact will suffice until we see each other again. Besides, I don't want to lay on any pressure becaus e I still have to get to "know" her.
Recommend
Comments (28)
I don't see anything horribly wrong with long distance relationships. We've come to a day and age where people associate with others online. Sometimes during that, they find out that they've met somebody that really makes them happy and vice versa. There's nothing wrong with them striving to be together. In your case, you met a girl who you really like back home. I don't see a reason NOT to try and go into a long distance relationship, unless she simply doesn't like you back - or unless she has trust issues or something.
When in a long distance relationship, both people have to trust the other a lot. Which can be hard for a lot of people. Both people have to try very hard to keep the relationship alive, going, and happy. I mean, yeah, it's hard work - but a lot of the time it's definitely worth it.
I mean, what's a little distance if you've found your soulmate? What's a few months or so apart if at some point you'll be together and happier than you could ever be with somebody else?
I think people just aren't used to long distance relationships / online dating. That's the reason so many are opposed to it, or one of the reasons anyway. There are honestly people who aren't cut out for it, but it really just depends on how bad you want each other and how much you're willing to fight to have each other.
But, ultimately, sometimes it's just not somebody's cup of tea to not be in person. I'd suggest asking her why she's not into long distance relationships. Talk to her a while, get to know her more, etc.
First off, there is no "one" and only for each of us.
I had the experience where my gf moved away for her masters degree and didn't want to pursue a LDR. I did. She kept me hanging on as "friends" but still took advantage of everything I did for her when we were a couple. Long story short: it sucked for me. I'd never do it again.
LDR can work if both parties are commited to it, especially in this day and age of instant internet communcition.
It has to be both of you who want it.
But if it is right, it is well worth it.
good post
Speaking as one who has been in LDRs... I wouldn't recommend it. I understand your wanting to explore, and can't fault you on that angle... and just because I've had negative experiences does Not guarantee that you will too, obviously. However... tread lightly. I think it has the potential to have a lot more problems than benefits, because of the distance, lack of connection, etc. So... do what you want to do, but keep in mind the consequences.
Long distance relationships are only exceptions if you want to make it work and give it a try. It becomes a rule when you cringe to even think about it.
My LDR with my husband for three years was tough but we made it. Now we've been married for almost three years. It wasn't a piece of cake but if you got the mind and heart to make it work, it will.
I'm in an LDR.
The situation you are proposing will not work at this point in time.
You're getting way ahead of yourself. I don't know what type of law you're studying, but it's like the order in which you present evidence for your case. Ordering everything for it's optimal effect on the audience(judge, jury, media, etc.) is SUPER important.
You end your post saying,
"Oh, and as far as me and the girl, I'm thinking just intermittent
contact will suffice until we see each other again. Besides, I don't
want to lay on any pressure becaus e I still have to get to "know"
her. "
It's gonna have to. Your exception-or-rule statement is interesting. A long distance relationship is the rule for those couples(read: both individuals in the relationship) who believe it will work. Long distance relationships are the exception to the couples like brokenheartedboi, where one individual wants to keep going and the other is either weak or greedy or both.
Yes, being in a long distance relationship means you DO cherish the time you have together, but the opposite is also true.
I find your arguments interesting in that they dilute your point. You argue for the plausibility of a long distance relationship in how it applies to closely bonded couples, but the two of you aren't seeing each other as far as I can gather.
You sound like you're grasping at straws, desperate for this to be right. I feel like you are seeking justification for your feelings and desires because "time is running out". You're placing a sense of urgency on finding a significant other and it could very potentially be interfering with your sense of attachment. You went home and had your love life questioned by friends and family, and you happen to meet a woman you are attracted to. That level of attraction could have been shot through the roof because of your situation. I'm not saying what you're feeling isn't true, I'm saying that you should be cautious of this idea.
Be weary of your own feelings at this time. A long distance relationship can work, but it's the least of your worries at this point.
I'm definitely with @godofthelost@xanga here, also being in an LDR. For me and my boyfriend, we'd been together for over a year and been "together" for a lot longer than that, so when it came time for college, we had a solid foundation to span the distance. I don't know your situation well enough, but I think the best thing to do might be to hold off on having a "relationship" with her for the remaining two months of the semester. Maybe you can promise each other to not date until then, but make sure you know you can handle the distance before you get into anything big.
good post; thoughtful, even.
sounds like you've got it all figured out.
you like the girl, maybe she likes you back; you decide keeping it casual is a good deal right now because you haven't wooed her enough (or know her that well), and she's not into LDRs (smart girl. sorry dude).
fight the good fight, precious!
aside: you're going to be a lawyer. you won't have a problem with the finding if you really want someone. just depends on how picky you are.
@godofthelost@xanga -
This man is a guru. His insights were accurate to the point where adding anything would either be wrong, or repetition.
@godofthelost@xanga - The man speaks the truth.
I'm the other half of the LDR between the two of us, we've learned quite a bit (so it should be no surprise that he knows what he's talking about!)
You're missing step number 1:
BOTH PEOPLE MUST BE COMPLETELY COMMITTED TO MAINTAINING A RELATIONSHIP LONG DISTANCE.
You simply cannot persuade someone into doing this. For the most part, the other half must come along fairly willingly. Any doubts or fears that are habored in the discussion phase of an LDR will only grow once you are apart.
If you're both such individuals then just don't be in a relationship when you're apart and catch up when you return home. It's that simple. It's unlikely that you will be able to convince her.
I'm actually stuck in a situation like this. My boyfriend is moving 3,000 miles away and he wants to pursue an LDR. I want to as well, but thinking about it, he's going to meet many people in graduate school. I don't believe he was at all considerate of my feelings when he picked a graduate school. I'm going to try to make this LDR work, but like the other people said, the doubts and fears may make it impossible. I say get to know her better and hopefully things work out. GL
@godofthelost@xanga -
Like everyone else is saying, his advice is pretty good.
I believe a long distance relationship can only work, if both people in it are equally commited. The moment one wants to email more than the other, trouble is going to start because one will feel pressured, the other unloved. If she doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship in the first place, it's not going to work.
yupz...i try not to let this happens..
Hi there, if you are meant to be, you will be. Put in some effort, and if she likes you enough, she will be.:) My cousin was in LDR for 15 yrs and they finally got married when they were both 30. So it is a good thing. Yep on the other hand, i was in a LDR for 4 yrs. It is hard wrk.No one says in the future when you are married u will be always together because of work..sometimes these things just happen. I have known married couples who have been apart all of their married lives!!
:) if u think its worth it, i say u go for it. I will definitely go for it..and pursue something if i really love something with all of my heart..:)
Just get to know her before you start asking for all these LDR stuff. once you guys like each other, it'll all fall into place supposedly. if you guys both like each other, then maybe a LDR will come about. but for now, don't worry about it. and just take things day by day
I think you should tell her your viewpoints about trying the LDR b/c both of you are obviously busy so I think that LDR would be a good thing for the time being. Perhaps when you're finished, you can move closer or vice versa. Good luck.
I was in a LDR...and it wasn't really that long, a few hours apart. But that didn't work. Recently, he told me the reason was because he could say he was committed 100%, but it was really hard when you didn't have the other person with you. Now he wants to get back together, but he also said he didn't want long distance anymore.
The thing is, you really have to know what you want. I've heard too many horror stories of LDR, but that doesn't mean it won't work. One of my close friends and her boyfriend went long distance for 4 years (when she went to Boston for college and he stayed in Chicago), but now they're still together and the relationship is still strong...so obviously it does work. Just that, from personal experience, I know that it takes a lot on BOTH parties. I mean, I was okay with the distance, but it didn't work because he didn't work with me...
@godofthelost...very well written!
I've been in an LDR for a year now. LDRs are easy to begin but difficult to maintain unless BOTH are committed and put all of their efforts into the relationship.
My boyfriend and I talked for a year before we got together. It's best for you to get to know her more and to develop a deeper emotional connection as physical attraction isn't enough to sustain an LDR.
Good luck!
dont do it.
@pillowpixies@xanga -
Agreed.
As a woman in her third LDR having spent the past three and a half years in LDRS, I still could recommend re-thinking this. The hardest thing about long distance relationships is it's so easy to grow apart, especially while still in school because your life changes so quickly then. Being in different places and experiencing different things changes you more than you'd think and these changes may be irreconcilable with the other person. This is what happened to my first two relationships. Also realize that if a LDR really works for you two, you may not be able to make it work if you do end up in the same location.
Another important thing about LDR's, is that most of the time they are started, or within the first bit, it's important to start planning a time when you can drop the distance. An LDR with no ending point for the LD part is an LDR doomed to failure.
Sadly... what she really meant, is that she doesn't want a long distance relationship with YOU. She just was too cowardly to actually verbalize it with uh, the truth.