I'm 16 and a junior. Before, I was totally one of those girls looking for the right boy, but I had a feeling I wasn't exactly into boys...so this year, I met someone who was going through the same "phase," I guess you could say. We became close after a while, and then she talked to me about her phase. A friend had told me before, "if you decide to experiment, do it with someone you trust because you don't want things to get messed up with a random person".
I was a little excited when she mentioned experimenting because, hey, I was curious and I had these weird feelings around her. I couldn't explain it. A few days later, she asked if I wanted to experiment, and I agreed. It was something to help me "find myself" and it wouldn't have hurt because we agreed that things would be okay if it didn't work out.
It became official after a few days, and we've been together for three months now.
We've had our up and downs, and I won't lie, there are times when I want to just leave her because when you're dating someone of the same sex, a whole lot of stupid and a mess of ugly come rushing at you. People who you were good friends with will turn their backs on you and it's ridiculous. One person who didn't was one of my best friends. She's always been there for me, always had my back, saved me in times of need and helped me though any problems I've had.. She was somewhat like a mom to me, although we're the same age. She made me feel loved and, I dunno, I couldn't explain it.
Last month, I went on a long trip with my school's music department. My bus buddy for the 7-8 hour drive? The friend who had turned her back on me...awkward much? It was pretty cool, though; we were on neutral levels, but my best friend had an empty seat next to her, and my bus buddy wanted to sleep, so I moved with over with my best friend so my buddy could have the entire seats to sleep on, you know, just to be nice. So, I slept on my best friend.
As San Fran went on, I felt like I was falling out of love with my girlfriend and falling in love with my best friend. I thought it was just because I missed my girlfriend or I just loved that motherly love. I wasn't sure, but when I came back, it felt different.
I loved being around my best friend more and more and my girlfriend noticed - she got mad at me and so left me in a state of "am I supposed to choose?"... and I cried because I didn't know who I'd choose. I talked to my best friend about it, because she had a right to know...she knew something was wrong with my girlfriend and I and it had to do with her, because on the way home from San Fran, my girlfriend and I got into a big fight.
When I talked to my best friend, she cried too... she didn't want to lose me, and I didn't want to lose her either. So I decided that I wanted to keep my friendship, maybe that love, because it was too precious to lose. I told her I'd never leave and I'd always be there for her. And well...that's how it went. My best friend and my girlfriend talked it out and things have been okay.
However, those feelings keep lingering in my head. There's a part of me that really feels like I love my best friend, maybe more than my girlfriend... and I feel so torn. My girlfriend has a tendency to stay and pursue me no matter what, and I talked to my best friend today and told her how I felt...and she said she felt the same way when she was in San Fran but she didn't say anything because my girlfriend is her friend, too, and she didn't want to ruin my relationship.
Could it really be I'm in love with my best friend and my girlfriend? Who am I supposed to choose? What am I supposed to do? Can you really be in love with two people at the same time?
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Comments (21)
In this case, I say you should just go seal clubbing, you can meet some awesome people doing that.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - What do you do with your time when you aren't writing witty comments on xanga?
You can have strong feelings for two different people, but love looks out for the best interest of the one who is loved. It's okay to be in the position you're in, but if you drag it out you're not looking out for the best interests of either girl. What's best for both is to make a decision and stick to it.
I'd say it's possible, but this doesn't really seem like the same kind of love. Kind of seems like you truly love the best friend. Especially if you had feelings for her while still dating your girlfriend. But then again you may just feel those feelings because she was there for you.
I say you have some real thinking to do, you know? If you're having second thoughts about your girlfreind, you should really talk to she about it all. Good luck.
It is definitely possible. It simply means you have a big heart, and that you have the capacity to love very much.
I think if you all agree, you should rationally and calmly talk things out between the three of you and make a decision of what is best and what won't hurt anyone severely. It is important that they both know you only want what is best for the three of you while still being able to express your true feelings. Just don't come off as selfish.
Good luck to you though, and good luck on your journey of self-discovery. It is a tough road up that hill, but once you get over the top, it's beautiful.
<3Nicole
it doesn't seem like youre "in love" with your girlfriend. maybe your bestfriend, but not your girlfriend. at least it doesnt seem like it. i think your girlfriend was someone you tried things with and she was your first and all? a sense of attachment? not love
@storiesandsinker@xanga - Ponder the meaning of life. And eat chocolate cake. And make out.
That's about it.
The triangle sucks.
I've been there and it wasn't pretty.
It's possible for you to love and care for both parties but you'll always love someone more than the other. It's true. Though they may have the same, different, or similar traits in each one of them, your heart lingers for one person more.
From reading this post, it seems like your heart goes out to your best friend more than your girlfriend - who you are just "testing the water" with to see how this experiment goes. But to be fair, maybe the feelings you had for your best friend had always been there and it suddenly just blossom.
At a stage that you are now, I wouldn't choose no one. I would just be "single" and think about it thoroughly before I make a decision that I will stick to and not go back and forth.
You're only 16. Everything will work out. I promise.
are you sure your into your best friend in a romantic way or are you just realising how much you care about her and need her.
theres always the chance that your in love with them both. but in different ways.
it's normal to miss your best friend.
you don't sound too crazy bout your gf - it sounds like you were just curious. try doing things with her, like sharing hobbies and interests to see if you have things in common.
the part about your best friend being like a mother? are you trying to replace "your mother" - as in, your relationship with your mother is lacking, so you're trying to find that love elsewhere? if so, then you may want to deal with that first.
you'll understand your feelings more in a year or two, don't worry.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Dude man, those seals sure know how to rock it. Clubbing alllll night long.
Well, a good thing is that you seem to be up front with people about your feelings, so that your less likely to hurt them. Feelings are confusing and I do believe fully that you can love more than one person at a time. I think that you need to take time to really evaluate the situation and how you feel. Maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship at all right now? A love triangle, as someone mentioned above, is a dangerous thing, and someone is destined to get hurt.
The answer is yes it is possible to love 2 people at the same time. To what degree, I do not know because I am not you. Only you really know how much you love one person.
Since you must choose, I would suggest thinking hard about who your heart longs for more. Would you be more devastated if you lost your gf or never having the option to explore a romantic relationship with your best friend? And if you can't afford to do either, then it is best to remain single until you have a better idea of what steps to take next. Remember that real love is patient..so if they both love you dearly and genuinely, they'll wait for you.
@Theophilus166@xanga - this is good; i've nothing to add.
Do not stress. You are only sixteen, and if you have just begun this "phase" then there will be much confusion.
To answer your question: You can "be in love" with two girls at the same time, but you CANNOT be TRULY IN LOVE with two girls at the same time. Love for an S.O. should only be for ONE person at any one time.
NO.
I don't think its love, and I can say that without being patronizing because I'm the same age as you. (Not only that but I've not factored in your age.)
You used the words "experimenting" and "phase" quite a bit and whether or not this was because you weren't sure how you felt, sor just becasue it was something new, I don't know, but I think its most likely the first.
I don't know if you did this in middle school, but I sure did. Rather than liking one person, and talking about one person to your friends, you would have lists. So, for example:
"At the moment my list is something like this...
1. John
2. Paul
3. Steven
I like John the best, but still get butterflies around Paul and Steven. If I could choose, it'd be in that order..."
I realise theres a difference between the 'list approach' to dating, and long term love, but maybe thats where the problem lies.
Ok, another example. You know when you're really thirsty, or just a little thirsty, and you mistake it for hunger, so you eat something, and just keep eating until you are VERY full but still "hungry" just because you weren't actually hungry in the first place? (not going to lie, im losing where i'm going with this...)
Oh yeah!! You might not be in love with your best friend. It is obviously a very strong relationship because it lasted through some really tough times for you. What you could be feeling is purely platonic love, slightly confused by the fact that you like girls.
Keep at it. Your friend is obviously a really good one - and your girlfriend will ultimately want what is best for you, at the end of the day, she likes you a hell of a lot, and that will shine through no matter how much shit you have to deal with.
Hope the ramblings helped, sorry about the slight tangents here and there!
why stop at 2 ?
This might be unhelpful, but when I'm having to make a difficult decision, I ask which choice I would regret more when I'm 80 - and then I know the answer (typically). Kinda silly, but it works awfully well for me.
I would say yes - you could be in love with more than one person at the same time. I do think, however, that you should figure out what you personally want and need before you make any decisions - especially a decision that could hurt someone you care about.