Miss ReindeerI recently updated my Facebook status to single, and it has been interesting to say the least. The first thing I have noticed are the different ads on the sidebar. They used to be about "presents for your sweetie" or Robbins Engagement Rings/Promise Rings being on sale. Now when I log on, I am met with advertisements for Match.com and the like. I see that Facebook doesn't mess around.
Neither do guys from the past, apparently. My best friend warned me of this when I told her about it: "Oh, just wait and see who comes out of the woodwork. That's exactly what happened to me when I updated Facebook." I wasn't really thinking about it because this whole breakup thing is still new, but sure enough it happened not once, but twice.
One would think if a guy wanted to talk to me about going out, he wouldn't be so obvious as to chat with me on the day I go up on the market as newly single (especially after having little contact for the past year or so). Guys have a different mentality than women, I suppose, and I seem to be learning this little factoid more and more as I get older.
So the first guy is from high school and it has to be said that I'm
really over this time period by now. A lot of kids from good old RHS still run in the same circles, but I just have a select few that I still keep in regular contact with. Like many people on Facebook, I'm "friends" with a solid amount of people from my high school, but it's rare we actually speak. So "Peter" decides to message me on that finicky Facebook chat feature that I really can't stand. We do the standard catch-up conversation, but I know what's coming.
"Do you have a special someone?"
First of all, YIKES! Who uses this kind of Hallmark card language? I told him that I'm on the outs with said "someone" for a few days now. At this time I take a look at his profile and see what he's about lately. His favorite books are anything by Ann Coulter and his newest group is "1,000,000 men against abortion." We ain't gonna get along, buddy. I tell him I have to go and I'll talk to him later. I assure you I won't; I don't care how hot I used to think he was when I was 15...
It's times like this that make me question the quality of the dating pool and whether I want to jump in again so quickly...although it does make for great stories so rest assured, dear readers, that I'll try not disappoint you. Which brings me to the second guy.
This story is actually kind of cute. "Mike" is my crush from, like, first grade in the town I moved away from when I was 12. We messaged a while back but a meet-up never materialized. When we first started chatting, it was the summer before I went to England for my junior year abroad and I was kinda seeing this other whack-job (that's a whole other story...see
this post).
So Mike sends me a nice, casual message yesterday about catching up for a beer next week and I'm going to take him up on it. I'm not looking for anything serious at all right now, but I think this is a step in the right direction. If anything, it's nice to know I'm in demand.
I know there has been a lot of talk about Facebook lately and relationships. Have you been picked up on Facebook? Did you reconnect with someone from the past? Did it happen after the big "relationship status" change?
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Comments (29)
Haha, strangely, yes. We eventually admitted that we liked each other, but we haven't talked in about a month (AIM hasn't been very kind to me).
Mm, facebook is the ultimate place to casually accidentally-on-purpose run across a past crush and reconnect. Isn't it funny when people suddenly go, "Hey? How've you been? ...Single? *ahem*." Because, you know, it's not obvious at all ;D. Haha.
omg every time i change my status to single there's a swarm of guys that suddenly wanna talk to me! its so annoying!
i've met a lot of bf's on the internet. not facebook so far but myspace and hotornot.com
i've reconnected with people over fb which has been nice.
i'm noticing that sometimes it doesnt matter if you've changed your status from "in a relationship" to "single" because guys/girls still try and start something!
I reconnected with someone I haven't seen for years. I thought it was great that we still had that connection but then I found out through his site that he's gay. If it weren't for Facebook, I wouldn't have known or found out in person in an awkward conversation. So in my case, Facebook saved me from embarrassment.
i've been single for months now & no one has been talking to me at all :(
1. Ex & I dated for 4.5 years; guys (known and unkown) came out of the woodwork on both Facebook and MySpace AS SOON as I changed my status to "single." Some of the known guys were guys that had expressed interest when we were in school together or whatever.
2. I dated plenty of guys I met via Facebook from the time I was single until the end of last summer.
3. There was one guy that kept sending me messages (this was mid-August). He seemed a little odd, but I finally caved & added him as a friend . . . then let him get my number . . . then met up with him.
We've been dating ever since, and he's The One. No question about it.
So, yes - the newly-single status can lead to a lot of crazy encounters and guys that are so clearly not right for you, but don't totally count them out, either. Just give it time, and enjoy each new guy/date for what it's worth!
What?
when I was single I didn't update my status on facebook but I still had a million more guys hitting on me than usual... it's creepy.
I've been in the process of getting a divorced for like a solid 5 days and, yes, people are coming out of the woodwork. I have to admit, I kinda like it :-x
Um, I'm almost in college and my ex-boyfriend from middle school suddenly contacted me, and he's been annoyingly persistant in trying to talk to me.
I don't think he's interested in dating me(god i hope not) but.....what the hell.....
Ehhh....the status thing isn't really true, at least for me. I've been "single" for over a year and nooottthiiinggg like that.
(Thank....god :D)
Because seriously, if someone wanted to pick me up, he'd better not try over facebook.
I have decided that putting any sort of status on facebook is pointless, sure I have appreciated it from time to time, like when you first facebook a cute guy and you can really find out if he's available...But on the other hand, I had been single for almost three months, had just hidden my relationship status, and finally put it back to 'single' a few weeks ago. Everyone was going wild, "Who were you dating?" "Why didn't I know about this?" "Wow, I'm sorry to hear that." Really people? My only response was I've been single for 3 months. Back off. Haha.
i'll give it a go. i was sort of reluctant to advertise and it's been so long since my relationship went under that it's going to look strange going from in a relationship to single now, but it has to be done.
only i think i know who will be the first in line, they came out of the woodwork long ago and i don't want them. looking forward to some nice suprises.
tell me about it. haha
facebook is so much like high school. i really don't need to know everybody's business or be "friends" with people just to increase their number of contacts.
it's also awkward having most of my family on there. so i only sign in like once a month. if that. lol.
xanga is where it's at.
it's a closer-knit community and you get to know people a lot better from reading their blogs than just a status msg here or there. these are the friendships that continue off-line and forever. 
@asdfghjkieu@xanga - you should just go meet people in person then instead of waiting for fb peeps to message you. more often than not, it's just weird when people fb you after a status change like the OP is stating.
I don't list my relationship status on fb anymore. There's really no point to tell the whole world that I'm single since it belabors the point and plus I'm happy being single right now. I've told some close friends that I'm single now and they've already mentioned setting me up with potentials. Definitely not gonna let everyone know~
I hate how they wait until you're single, and know you're probably quite vulnerable to pounce. People I used to be friends with wouldn't leave me alone when I updated my "status" a while back. Ugh. It looks like you already are, but be super careful about who you play the games with.
My situation has been the opposite. I just recently became single at the end of January and so far, haven't had any prospects. Instead of coming out of the woodwork, it's like they're hiding or something!
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - oh geez.=/
well i guess the good thing about facebook is that there is less chance of some person making stuff up, and you can alter your feed. plus, friends and family will verify if a person is for real.
@sorrento12@xanga - haha i'm not really waiting for any fb flirting. but ppl in general have not approach me at all..they still think that i'm taken because i've been going out with my ex for such a long time. =/
Yeah, when a relationship I was in ended a year ago, all these guys started coming out and asking me on dates and such. My current boyfriend did not find out from facebook that I was single, he slyly asked if I was going to the movies with a SO and that is how he found out I was single! Jaja.
Any guy who tries to pick me up on facebook is dropped from a potential dating list. They need to instead grow a pair and be upfront with me. (:
i hate when people i don't know or never talked to in depth try to add me and catch up. (DAMN YOU "PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW") I'm not friends with these people for a reason(s).
it's a prickly subject with me.
Is it so bad to want to be with you when you are no longer in a relationship?
@Angelina_Everlong@xanga - would you rather us "pounce" you when you're in a relationship?
There's a saying that both girls and guys use in dating, as well as other things: "Go after them. before someone else does."
I've been single for a while now, however when I updated my status, this guy from highschool started messaging me on facebook chat. First off, this guy from highschool was not in my crowd at all, and he never talked to me. The only reason I think he knew me is because we were next to each other alphabetically in our class, and during our senior year we sat next to each other in countless ceremonies, rehearsals, and even graduation. However, I believe during my 3 years at highschool he never even said a word! Then after I changed my status to "single" he started commenting on how my picture looked, and about "hanging out" sometime. I tell you, some people are insane. I just think it's interesting because we never talked in highschool
well i dated someone from fb..;) i also got someone from friendster so its really the luck of the draw sometimes.:)
I suddenly want to go change mine to single to see what happens!!! ;D ... but then again, the girlfriend might castrate me!!
I hate when you're just having a casual conversation with a guy and they ask if you have a boyfriend or a "special someone".
I use FB to keep in touch with friends. However, I did meet my boyfriend of one year on facebook through one of those interests group.
Have fun with that guy and keep us updated. =)