Saturday, 21 March 2009
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Is Potentially Ruining a Friendship Worth It?
My best friend (and I have kind of had feelings for each other for a couple of months now, but we've never had a time where we both had feelings for each other at the same time; well, we have, but it's been complicated. Our feelings started growing around the same time, but then he started dating someone, and then once they broke up, I started dating someone. It's been kind of a roller coaster, really. He knows everything about me, as I do him. We joke around and have a lot of fun together, just as best friends do. But I can't help but be attracted to him. He's adorable. His parents absolutely adore me, and when I'm over, they don't bother us, because of course, they trust us. We've never done anything together, but we've always talked about doing a FWB thing. I've never really gone for it though. I mean, I've never been the type of girl that would do anything with a guy that I'm not serious with. I've never done anything with a guy that I'm not dating. But I never thought it would be bad because he is my best friend.
We've always talked about dating or at least trying it out, but we're both afraid that it might mess up our friendship. We both are very close, and we are afraid that if anything happened between us in the relationship, we wouldn't be the same anymore.. But then again, we could be missing out on a once in a lifetime love..
So what do I do? I need some serious advice.
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- From: lovelovelove
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Comments (37)
They say knowing enough about a friejnd to be comfortable is a good transition into love. It's not ruining a friendship at all. In fact, knowing a lot about each other and being good with each other is something you ought to do with boyfriends and girlfriends anyway. No?
Your friendship is growing. Nothing wrong with it. Your s/o should be your best friend IMHO.
when you are in a relationship with someone, the other person if suppose to be your bestfriend and the same should goes towards the other person. You guys are already there. If you really like each other, then try it out... If it didn't work out, then it didn't work out for a reason. If you guys are mature enough, then you wouldn't let it affect your friendship. I had an ex that I really really liked, and well obviously things didn't work out with us, but even still, me and him have become each other's confidantes and to me, he's my bestfriend. i've trusted him with so many things i didn't think i can tell anyone. but anyways my point is, even if you did go out with him and things didn't work out, you can still go back to what you were. btu then at least you'll know then.
Take the risk! All the best! ;)
haven't you seen made of honor? haha good movie. anyway, The main character loved his best friend and only noticed after she was ready to get married to another guy! One chance to try it and if it doesn't work so what? If you were that good of friends you would be able to breeze through tough times.
I think trying a relationship would be a good idea, just be careful. Make sure not to forget that you were best friends first and always make sure you remain best friends in addition to being in a relationship. Always communicate no matter what, that's important. As long as you both make the effort to remain friends even if it doesnt work out, theres no reason your friendship should be ruined. In my opinion, at least.
I say GO FOR IT! ^_^ I dated a few guys before I dated my best friend (guy) and we worked out so well together it makes me wonder what I was ever thinking dating those other losers. Fights are actually easier to work out when you guys are Best Friends because it forces you two to talk and work things out where as if it another guy then you just break up with him. Since you guys are friends there is a desire to make things work out.
If you're just "playing" with the idea, and you don't really know... I don't know. You don't really sound like the girl who is one who is able to turn her feelings off easily, so it is definetely a risk of loosing your friendship. Once you move your friendship up to the dating level, things get weird. I mean, it's different for every relationship, so hopefully and maybe this one is different. It sounds like you and this guy have a good bond, and they say that is the real basis of a great love and healthy relationship. I think only you and him could decide if that is worth going to the next level with.
Go for it!
I feel like I've said this a million times within the past week, but...really, if your friendship is as strong as you say it is, your relationship won't change. It's time to live life to the fullest, without "what if"s hampering the things you're passionate about. There's no potential in ruining your [best] friendship if you both decide it won't. Even if there are occasional arguments or disputes, you're still going to be best friends (who happen to be dating). I think a person's significant other either starts out as a best friend, or becomes a best friend. You're already half-way there. Good luck!
go for it. If you're making the relationship better, where's the "risk"? Besides, guys are willing to "risk" it, why shouldn't you?
Let fate and coincidence run their course. Forcing anything to happen won't do you any good.
Just do it, it will be well worth it in the end, and like someone said, your SO should be your best friend as well.
There's no way around it that a relationship will change/mess up a friendship.
The only way, I think, to accept that risk, is if both of you feel a certain pull towards each other that would prevent you from dating other people, or feel that you don't need anyone else.
As in, being in a relationship unofficially first? Maybe..?
Something like that....
Just go with it and see how it shakes out. Don't force anything.
"Just do it!"
If you are going to go for it, then really go for it. Throw caution to the wind. Forget about worrying what will happen to the friendship if something goes wrong. If you focus on what might go wrong thats what will happen. If you focus on what is right and how great you are then thats what will happen. If the relationship doesn't work out chances are that your friendship is toast as well, speaking from experience.
DON'T DO IT!
My neighbor and I have been like this since we were four. And recently, we added physical and emotional things to the friendship. Right now, everything is ruined.
Save yourself the trouble.
Gotta chance it. The worst that could happen is that you two break up and go back to being friends after all is said and done.
Go for it. It could be the best thing that could ever happen. What could potentially result can be something incredible that you'll always wonder if you don't.
If you give it a try, just be prepare that your friendship might or might not be the same afterward. But on another note, it really depends on the two person and/or how the relationship ended.
When I was single, I dated my best friend. We dated for a few months but it didn't work out. After our relationship ended, our friendship was different. We weren't as closed like we used to be. Everything just changed. But if I look back at it now, I wouldn't change a thing. At least we both gave it a tried.
Yeah. Go for it. Your lover is suppose to be your best friend. Just the added affection!
Well the way I see it, you have two choices. If you were to play it safe, which I wouldn't blame you for doing so, because you don't want to chance ruining your beautiful friendship together, that's perfectly fine. The only drawback is you won't ever know what could have been. If you decide to take it to another level and see where it goes, again, that's perfectly fine. You run the risk of forever changing your friendship should you two ever break up, but at least you're not wondering "What if...?" anymore. I hate the feeling of wondering, "What if...?" personally. It's not my favorite situation, but that's just my opinion. But personally, I think your friendship would be able to rebound and come back just as strong if not stronger. Even so, how dating affects your friendship afterwards depends on how the breakup occurred and both of you.
My best guy friend and I started dating our sophomore year in high school and broke up a year and a half later. While our friendship remained; things have changed slightly. I don't say this to discourage you but you should be conscious of the fact that relationships are dynamic and ever-changing. The two of you need to be willing to accept the changes that may come if the romantic end of the relationship doesn't work. My friend and I were able to maintain a friendship after we decided to end things romantically but it doesn't alway work out that way. I think it's worth the risk.
DO IT.
If you're really friends, it won't matter if it doesn't work out.
i never told my best friend :)