Helloooo Datingish! [echoes as cheers erupt]
I was thinking...because we have so many people who date so differently, it might be cool to have a feature where people dispell myths about dating, relating, whatevering.
Couple examples:
-You've got to test drive it before you buy it
-Guys are afraid of commitment
-Girls will automatically dismiss guys shorter than they are
-Once a cheater, always a cheater
-Once you go black, you never go back
-Your first relationship will never last
-You can't be friends with your ex
-Never kiss on the first date
-If a guy sleeps with you on the first date, he won't want a second
-He's Just Not That Into You should be everyone's dating bible
If you have stories about any of these,
send them to us and we'll put 'em up on Smashing Stereotypes Saturday...or maybe Wednesday. And if you have any stereotypes to add to the list, go for it. We'll do a couple, you'll do a couple...[thumbs up]
Recommend
Comments (28)
I think I would dismiss guys that are shorter than me because I'm already petite (5"2).
And GUYS are afraid of commitment? Hahaa.. there were so many guys who were willing to wait for me, but I rejected them cause I was afraid of commitment. :(
I'm still young, so I don't think I should even be thinking about commitment. haha. xD
I have to say, I don't automatically dismiss guys that're shorter than me, but...still. They have to try harder than guys that are taller than me.
Stereotype I hate: Single people WANT relationships. That's so wrong, just because someone is single doesnt mean they're hurting for companionship...or that they're gay.
Cheating however is a very complex subject. I read somewhere that men cheat for the sex & women for the emotion. While it MAY be true that women are emotional cheaters, I think men can be too, they just wont admit it. Not that I'm condoning or excusing cheating but people stereotype that too.
i dismiss guys shorter then me....im already 5'2 i dont need someone smaller then me...
and guys r afraid of commitment. period. they think they can go around partying getting drunk banging girls for their whole life with noone to answer to ever...but then they never want to be "alone."
"He's Just Not That Into You should be everyone's dating bible" is not a myth. hahah
So, I kissed and slept with this black guy on the first date. He is shorter than me and cheated on his last girlfriend. That was sixty years ago and we are now happily married. He proposed on the second date. He's my first boyfriend and he's now best friends with the girl he cheated on. I wasn't afraid to say yes to his proposal even though I had only slept with him once because you don't need to test drive it that much before buying. Also neither of us have seen He's Just Not That Into You.
actually i think that half of those aren't myths.
just because they're not true 100% of the time doesn't mean they're automatically myths.
JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE SINGLE
does not mean that they are unhappy. Some people actually ENJOY being single.. thanks. (I sure do!!)
And just because someone cheated, does not mean that they will always remain unfaithful in every single relationship. People can change! It may be hard.. but they can.
@kieri126@xanga - //and guys r afraid of commitment. period.
they think they can go around partying getting drunk banging girls for
their whole life with noone to answer to ever...but then they never
want to be "alone."//
As a guy, I call bullshit. Just because the guys YOU ran into were trash, doesn't mean that all guys are like that. Let's smash this stereotype!
never met a girl that would date someone shorter than them.
@black_lie@xanga - //That was sixty years ago and we are now happily married.//
Sixty years ago? You don't look THAT old...
@QuantumStorm@xanga - /agree
I know some couples who have stayed friends after dating, but I know they worked at it. Two of my friends broke up and forgot to tell me, and a week later I mentioned something about his girlfrend...after an awkward silence they kind of looked at each other and went "uhhh, we broke up last weekend". They weren't that serious though (about a month I think) and they weren't really touchy so I never noticed the difference.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - hahaha well maybe you will be the one to prove it to me. be the exception!! :D
@vvaanneessuuhh@xanga - amen to being single!!!
So... I (and my SO) could definitely break a few of these stereotypes, but I don't think either of us is anxious to bare ourselves to the internet! I hope someone else steps up to the plate, though...
Uh...honestly, I can't wait to read the stories that break the stereotypes because they seem to ring true most of the time.
He's Just Not That Into You should not be everyone's bible. I bought the book because I thought it would help me and while in certain circumstances it will, it is not always right. Everyone is different. The problem I have most with the book is that it says that girls who ask men out - their relationship almost always don't last. I have friends who started out their relationship that way, and they are going great!
Hm, while you are correct in dispelling stereotypes (I'm trying to write an blog as into why the attractive people aren't as mean or as nasty as the nice ones are and that ugly people can just be ugly. will be public when it's properly fine tuned), you are not all correct. We have to avoid stereotypes; but the corrolary of the stereotypes is that you try to prove them wrong and they end up being right. When some actions or opinions are statistically proven to be true to a type of lifestyle, it is a stereotype
Using your list for an example.
-You've got to test drive it before you buy it:You wouldn't? Need to find out whether or not it's gonna be worth it in the long run.
-Guys are afraid of commitment: Learn to differentiate between a real relationship and a cheap fuck. It's not a scary thing in reality, but the idea of getting really smashed by someone we let through the armor can hurt.
-Girls will automatically dismiss guys shorter than they are: I've never heard of this one. Some women are like that, but I think it's more of a preference, so it's an ethical wrong, not a logical one.
-Once a cheater, always a cheater: No matter how far a jackass travels, it's not coming back a horse. They may change, but it's not like anybody who finds out their SO was once a cheater will believe they change.
-Once you go black, you never go back: You can, but people who don't go back, just like black guys/girls. Nothing wrong with it really.
-Your first relationship will never last: It doesn't. Head comes out of clouds, reality sets in, and you may just tire of him/her. Most often, the first times are like the first trials, you learn strengths and weaknesses.
-You can't be friends with your ex: You can; but it IS dangerous to new relationships.
-Never kiss on the first date: Why not? I've never heard of this one.
-If a guy sleeps with you on the first date, he won't want a second: You kidding? If you sleep with us on the first date, we'll love to be with you! We don't if we're peeing fire the next morning.
-He's Just Not That Into You should be everyone's dating bible: Friend Zones already are well in play.
Ohkayy i have something to say about each one of these so hear it goes.
-You've got to test drive it before you buy it
I do not believe you have to test drive it before you buy it, you already know what you want it a relationship because of past relationships. Thats why you have relationships that dont work out because it isnt what you want, you dont need to test drive anything once you know what you already want.
Dont settle for anything less then that.
If you are talking about the sexual sense then i dont believe this is true either.
When you are emotionally connected with someone, the physical part is ultimately better because you already have a deep connection with them. You get a deeper connection from the intimacy not from test driving.
-Guys are afraid of commitment
I was on and off with a guy for three years. And everytime we broke up it was because I was afraid to be with him for fear of him hurting me. He knew he wanted to be with me and he knew he loved me.
Now three years and a broken heart later, its still my fault.
-Girls will automatically dismiss guys shorter than they are
This one is not true, well in my case (4'11) it is because most men are just not that short. However i know a couple that has been dating and going strong and the man is 4 inches shorter then the woman.
-Once a cheater, always a cheater
I've cheated. Once. Once and only once. I felt so horrible about myself afterward that i would NEVER be able to do that again. Some people need to feel wanted and needed by other people besides there SO and that is what it is. its not that there addicted to cheating its that there addicted to feeling wanted by multiple people.
-Once you go black, you never go back
I date all sorts of men, black white puerto rican it really doesnt matter. But i have gone from dating a black guy back to dating a white guy and i really think that this is the worst stereotype because it is unbelievably untrue
-You can't be friends with your ex
I am Friends with the majority of my ex's because i feel as if they were once a big part of my life, and i still trust them as a friend and if they were once that big a part of my life, there is no reason not to be friends with them because of a break-up
-Never kiss on the first date
I kissed my on and off ex of three years on the first date. and there was a second. So i dont believe this is true either
-If a guy sleeps with you on the first date, he won't want a second
I think that if you sleep with a guy on the first day he will either just want you solely for that purpose or that he will thinkk you have done it many of other times before and i dont believe you should do it.
My ex is one of my best friends. We've been only friends for months and there hasn't been a problem yet.
Stereotypes draw false conclusions often based on reasonable and true premises. Statistically, they might be accurate estimates on a balance of probabilities, but the fact is - people don't always behave statistically. The stereotype has an unfortunate consequence of punishing the exception.
Girls don't go for short guys.
I think that's accurate. I'm attracted to dudes taller than 5'11 despite being 5'2"
@kieri126@xanga - Lol! When I'm desperate enough to hook up with someone through Xanga, I'll get back to ya
All stereotypes have a basis in fact. I'm not going to comment on the "test drive" comment, because it's just silly. However, most guys do see commitment as a sort of trap. A way to keep them from being "guys." I'm not saying all, but MOST.
I'm not a girl, so it's difficult to comment on the height thing, but I have dated a chick taller than me. But I am willing to guess, from how many times I have NOT seen these couples, that it's also mostly true.
Once a cheater is almost always a cheater. Yes, there might be an exception to this somewhere, but for the most part, it is true. People don't just change. Not without a major and usually traumatic event in their lives. Every single person I know who has done this once has done it more than once.
Can't comment on the black thing. But I have never seen a first relationship that has lasted. Maybe among the Amish.
I am friends with many of my exes. Not all of them of course, like the ones who cheated, (and are still doing so, on the new guys.) It takes a lot of work though, but it's worth it, and if there was ever anything to the relationship in the first place, some part of the friendship at least can usually be preserved.
The kissing thing is just retarded, like the "test drive" thing. However, if a chick sleeps with a guy on the first date, that is how he will always think about her. She is "easy," and the entire relationship is based on sex. Like it or not, guys are simple. Cause and effect creatures. Indellible associations. It makes life easier, and this is what guys are all about. Sleep with a guy on the first date, and even if he never calls you one, you will always be a slut to him.
I have never read the book nor seen the movie, so I cannot comment on "He's Just Not That Into You."
Stereotypes are not untrue just because the pictures they paint of people are unflattering. Like it or not, the only reason these stereotypes exist in the first place is because there was a noticable pattern. These things weren't just picked out of a hat. They aren't made up to annoy people. They happen, enough times for it to be noticed, which usually means more often than not.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - hahahahaHAHAHA!! no i did not mean it that way....LOL......