I'm a white female, and I've been more attracted to black guys than to white guys for a while now. I can't really explain it - it's their general attitude, their swagger, the way they dress, their no-nonsense attitude. I also love hip-hop and rap music, so I'm sure that's had something to do with it. (Um, T.I.? The-Dream? Weezy? All hot.) Regardless of the reasons, I just have the hots for black guys. Mmmmm.
The problem is I've never seriously dated one.
I've been on a couple dates with black guys but never had a real relationship with one. Right now I'm in a loving relationship with my SO, who is white. He has his own things about him that I am attracted to, but it doesn't change the fact that I still am attracted to black guys. And I fantasize about them.
I just really want to sleep with a black guy someday. I don't fantasize about it when I'm actually having sex with my SO, but I do sometimes when I’m by myself. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it wrong to have fantasies about other people when you’re in a committed relationship? Do you have a particular race you're attracted to?
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Comments (96)
It's not wrong.. Everyone has fantasies it's natural. It's only wrong when you act on them.
I am attracted to those who are biracial. I find that people who have parents with different nationalities are most attractive. <3
@vvaanneessuuhh@xanga - Same as above
@vvaanneessuuhh@xanga - exactly.
hmm.... i dont think its wrong as long as it isnt someone you know. like, movie stars, singers, you know, we all dream of them, so its not like its anything unusual, but if it were to be a specific person, or someone you just met, or someone you saw, its not right... it doesnt make you a bad person, because as far as i know, we have all done something that makes us feel like bad people, but its not right.
if you truely want to be with a black person, you need to tell him the truth. unless you are truely happy with your SO, you should be with someone else. if you are happy with him though, your fine. :) that help?
Rofl, I like how the topic of this post sparked an Afroromance ad under it, which for those of you who don't know, is an interracial dating(hookup?) site.
I'm Asian, but I've only ever dated and been attracted to whites... odd, non?
- John
I'm Asian (obviously) and I'm married to an Asian guy, but sometimes, I wonder how it's like to be with a white male.
I don't think it's wrong to fantasize and wonder unless you actually do it (while you're still with your significant other) and/or is emotionally attached to them.
i like dark chocolate too :3
& i always fantasize myself with a white guy. yummm :3
It's completely fine. All women do it at least once, but it doesn't make you a horrible person. It's simply wondering. It's when you ACT on those actions that it begins to be wrong. Although, I wouldn't tell your SO about these fantasies anytime soon. ;) ~ Hailey
Umm. No comment. Hehe! Except this one.
Everyone has a fantasy of being with someone who's a little unlike you. If you fantasize about certain black guys, then that is okay. Heck, I fantasize about different types of women myself. But it is only a fantasy. If you manage to catch a black guy, and you want to date them, then it's whatever. Anything as long as it gets you through the night.
I fantasize about big women, British or French women, weird-minded women, and southern women. I just find Southern accents sexy. Don't ask. Race-wise? I have never really dated a (completely) Asian woman before. But Ive always fantasized a black girl who likes listening to Electronica or maybe some Franz Ferdinand.
This should go to scandalish. If anyone wants to answer this question be my guest, and find a way to get anonymous if you want: What has been your fantasy?
People will always have fantasies; that's the beauty of having a brain. It doesn't make you a bad person for having a wandering mind every now and then, but you should consider stepping back from the relationship if it really starts to get in the way of your feelings for your significant other. It almost sounds like he doesn't rank so high compared to your imaginary men. Only if you do something to violate his trust does it make you look kind of bad. Good luck!
I am a white male and I am attracted more to black women then I am white. I think that an interacail relationship is the best relationship there it. Not to mention white women are needdy and whiney. Atl east with a colored woman you can "yes. Your butt is big"
face it alot of african american women are more attractive to me
im also attracted to black guys. i dont count out white guys (or guys of any race, for that matter) but i definitely am more attracted to black guys. probably because its hard enough to find a guy at my school who isnt black, let alone one who looks good and has a good personality to back that up. i dont know, i just see more black guys then any other race and i guess thats why ive become more attracted to them.
however, i dont think that any of the rappers you listed look good. no, not at all. the closest one to looking good is probably t.i. but i think he just thinks he look good when he really dont.
ew the dream? lol
i love white guyssss.....yuummm.
latinos are gorgeous too....and ur def not a bad person. everyone has fantastys :)
Not to be corny but I think it says great things about our generation and the future that people feel free to be in love with whomever, and that interracial dating is happening more and more. Just imagine, 40 some-odd years ago it was almost considered a sin for a white girl to be dating a black guy, which is retarded.
No one is off limits to me, I find men of all races sexy so long as they have certain features that I'm attracted to to begin with (interesting faces, expressive eyes, etc). Obviously it's the personality that first gets me.
@dude_maxton@xanga - Your usage of the term "colored." How ignorant. Sounds a bit hypocritical too, because you're supposedly attracted to black women. Tsk.
It's okay to be attracted to other people while being with your SO. Being in love doesn't mean you'll find everyone else hideous and repulsive. That's ridiculous.
Having fantasies is perfectly healthy even if it is with other people. I am sure your boyfriend does the same. You only cheat if you act on those fantasies.
It sounds like you're "curious" about black men. The stereotypes among other things about them attract them to you.
Think about it, you listed the stereotypical image of a hip hop artist from their dress to hip hop/rap music. You definitely confirmed it with the "black men" you listed.
Sounds like curiosity to me, which is what it is. Many people get "curious" about another race.
What you have to ask yourself is, are you truly attracted to a man, not the stereotype of him? If it was a black man who was the front man of a rock band, would he still be as attractive?
Honestly, also dig deep and figure out if you truly love and care about your SO. Because truthfully, you may be overlooking a GOOD MAN regardless of race in your hands. If you lose him, you may lose something wonderful.
But it's up to you. You could go ahead and date outside your race, I personally see nothing wrong with interracial dating as long as it is for the right reasons. Afterall, I am bi-racial.
Oh and to answer your question, it isn't wrong to fantasize about other people in my opinion, as long as it doesn't interfere with the relationship and is a minimal thing. I am particularily attracted to black men, but I wouldn't dismiss someone of another race. If the person of another background had the characteristics and traits I am attracted to, I definitely would give him a shot. As long as I'm attracted and connected with you.
@allurevixen@xanga - I know! Whenever I look at him I think to myself how his face would look better upside down
I'm very attracted to spanish girls and white girls. Now I do like black girls too but for some reason most of the ones I meet I'm not as attracted to-and there have been exceptions.
werd to yo momma
im mixed and i loveee mexicans.
anyways i dont think its wrong what your doing
@xExCuSeMeMiSsx@xanga - I am sorry. I just didnt know how to say it. I had a conversation with my ex girlfriend about that two years ago and she said as long as i didnt say the "n" word or something along that line, I would be ok. No racial slurs. I just dont know what to say except what she told me
@dude_maxton@xanga - There are more racially derogative terms other than the "n" word. Think about it, the term "colored" was used to demean persons of African descent only a few decades ago and the seperate proper facilities and privileges. This can go for other races as well, there are more racially ignorant terms than just "one."
But I'm glad you're open minded to learn and understand. That's an important step in overcoming ignorance, is learning and understanding others.
@xExCuSeMeMiSsx@xanga - What if he had said "woman of color"? Would that be more acceptable, although it's basically just a different form of the adjective "colored"? I've been informed that "woman of color" is an acceptable description that insinuates strength in the woman being spoken about. I'm just curious about semantics from a first-hand point of view.