Friday, 20 March 2009
-
My SO Read This Blog
Miss Elephant Well, my dear new XFFs (Xanga Friends Forever), it was probably inevitable. My SO read my blog posts. Yep, the one about my ex calling me a wildebeest in bed. Yep, the one about how I question whether or not I'm in love with him. And even the one where I talked about how he sent me flowers at work and my reaction was mixed. Yep, all of them.
I knew something was up Monday when he told me he was feeling sad and "wasn't sure why". He never gets like that. I'm the one who gets like that - upset for no reason, needing some space, blah blah blah - and he's always been the rock. Before I started writing here, I told him about it, and I told him he might not want to read it. He told me he wanted to support my writing endeavors, but that he would probably stay away, and I said I was completely fine with that. I mean, honestly, who wants to read about his SO's sex life with her ex? No one, that's who. Except for my SO, apparently.
He told me he wouldn't read it, then he did. Then he got upset about what I had written. Honestly, more than feeling sorry, I feel betrayed. I know it's the Internet and it's fair game for complete strangers to read it, but I basically went into writing for this blog with the belief that he would never read it.
The best part of all this: he is most upset about the post about my ex. He says he's troubled by the fact that I think enough about sex with my ex to even want to write about it. Essentially, it makes him insecure, and he doesn't know if he can deal with it. The thing is, when you have a relationship entirely based on sex, when you think back on that relationship, you mostly think about…sex. Am I right? Never mind the fact that I also called my ex useless as a human being. Shmeh, I guess that part doesn't matter.
Do I have the right to feel betrayed? Should I even feel sorry? Have you ever gotten into a fight with your SO because of something you wrote or posted on the Internet?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: misselephant
- About Me: I'm pretty bad at relationships, but I try really hard. I love writing, blogging, reading, eating, exercising, and sexing. That list is not all inclusive. My Ideal SO is someone who challenges me. That's just about the only requirement, aside from the basics: being sweet, caring, loving, supportive, funny, all that stuff. Being adventurous in bed doesn't hurt either.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 0 Views: 0 0 Comments: 0 0 View all posts by misselephant
Comments (192)
You didnt DO anything wrong you were just bloging . . .and you shouldnt feel bad you told him to steer clear
Your first mistake was telling him you were going to blog.
Put yourself in his shoes. If he told you he had a blog but didn't want you to read it, would you actually not give in to curiosity? It's just human nature.
I'm not saying to be sorry for what you wrote, but you should have expected for this to eventually happen.
Honestly? If you really didn't want him to read it you should have had it locked to just Xanga users or something. Leaving it public left the option open for him to read it, in my opinion. Now he has, and it sounds like you two have some talking to do.
But no, I don't think you have the right to feel betrayed. Maybe he was just curious and wanted to check out what you've been spending your time on. It's not like he got into something that he was very clearly not supposed to read.
"Yep, the one about how I question whether or not I'm in love with him. And even the one where I talked about how he sent me flowers at work and my reaction was mixed."
I think he's allowed to be off-put by those ones.
Hmmm, in a weird way you may have just inspired me to go public with my posts again. I'm sorry that this happened to you, but I guess you should have expected it? On the other hand, you should have been talking to your current boyfriend about the things you were blogging about - like if something is on your mind, you should talk about it together (like about the flowers).
I went private with my posts when my current boyfriend started reading (I think he still checks occasionally, even though I rarely put anything personal up anymore). It's not that I have stuff to hide, but I want to prevent the same thing that happened to you from happening to me.
Or maybe I'm afraid that he would be upset if I put personal details about our relationship on the net?
My advice would be to go private or to only put stuff on the internet that you are willing to talk to him about.
If you really don't want your SO to read it, you probably shouldn't have made that blog too public - by submitting it on datingish. And you could have changed your site settings to not being accessible to some people/those who don't have an account here.
I think he felt hurt because even if it might not seem like it (since it's a blog), but the way I see it is you were talking unpleasant things about him behind his back. And you were saying those things to whoever stumbled across your posts on the internet...so from his perspective, he has the right to feel hurt, and you should have kept those things more private. I mean, I wouldn't want my SO (if I had one) to publicize our relationship issues, you know?
And one last thing - how do you know he won't come across this post?
i think it's his problem.
human nature = bullshit. let's try, there are some things you should focus on... one of those things, being that you're in the NOW. your relationship with him, is NOW. and your thoughts are YOURS. fuck anything else.
do you know what HE'S thinking right now? Probably not. Don't feel betrayed, b/c they're your thoughts. be proud of them. ppl don't understand; most of their little bubble worlds, are based on what they DON'T know... not what they know. He doesn't NEED to know everything you think and feel, b/c he isn't you. You know what you think and feel, and what you're going to put into action, and what you aren't. So screw that.
His problem. Let him deal with it.
You shouldn't feel betrayed, its the internet - it's fair game. You should have known this would happen. On the other hand, sounds like you should have been talking about things with your boyfriend rather than random strangers on the internet if you were having conflicting feelings about him at all.
*shrug* Kind of had this one coming.
wow i think you are being a jerk about all of this. I really feel sorry for your boyfriend. seriously. you told him about your blog & asked him not to read it? Sam was right - it's just human nature. and part of me thinks you sadisitc for telling him about it in the first place. I almost wonder if you are using this blog to hurt him and make him break up with you becuse you don't have the guts to. you don't love him and this passive aggrassive whiny post shows exactly that. if he did the same thing to you, all the girls on here would be ENRAGED, demading that you break up with im,yet you are asking for sympathy from us. you weren't betrayed - it's you who betrayed. I wouldn't be surprised if he breaks up with you and I don't blame him.
i honestly think you should do the poor guy a favor and break up with him, because he deserves to be with someone who loves him and doesn't write humiliating blog posts about him. I'm sorry but I am terribly angry and offended by this post. shame on datingish for supporting this kind of selfish narcissism. it's pathetic. unsubbing now.
@xx_x_beautifully_broken_x_xx@xanga - he will come across this post. that's the point. she is using this to get back at him for his percieved betrayal.
Of course he's going to be insecure about what you wrote. You wrote a whole blog about sex with your exboyfriend. If he had done the same thing, you would probably reacted just as badly if not worse.
And not only that but you pretty much baited him to read your blog by telling him about it. You really thought he was going to stay away?
You're feeling betrayed? He should feel betrayed. Not only did you disclose intimate details about your sexual experience with your EX, but you let the public read it. If i were him, I would be completely furious.
And I am guessing you wrote this blog to get support from us? so we could take your side and for him to feel even worse when he reads it?..god how selfish can you be.
You told him you would be writing stuff that he might not want to look at. Come on. Of course he was gonna read it.
Yeah, I do understand his anger. You're in a relationship with him, and you should be thinking about him and not your ex. I think it's understandable for him to be upset. He doesn't want you thinking about anybody but him. If you told him about your blog, of course he will be curious. You should have locked it in order to keep him from looking.
most of them have not been interested in what i've written in a blog (they've got me in person, which is more than enough! ha). i mean, i have xanga since 2004...who wants to read my high school drivel? even i don't lol
as for your guy getting pissed about your blogging, ask yourself if his reasoning is sound. if it really hurts his feelings, then maybe you shouldn't be so candid--that's if you want to keep him happy that way. i don't see the problem with talking about your past relationships....also, right off the bat he said "fine, and i won't read it" ....that screams free rein to me.
@Peridot21@xanga - Agreed. Telling him not to read it = telling him to read it. I'd get pissed if my boyfriend did that. Perhaps you need to focus on your current relationship and not your past ones. Once an ex, always an ex. Keep it in the past and move on, that's all you can do.
Well I don't think either of you two are wrong for any of your actions. You told him not to read but its kind of ridiculous if you think about it. "Ok I am gonna write personal stuff that talks about you and my exs but you probably shouldn't read it, but everyone on the internet can" and him "Ok I won't read it (20 secs later) I READ IT AND IM NOT HAPPY!"
I mean technically neither of you did anything wrong, but I think both of your actions are kind of, for lack of a better word, ridiculous.
Yours: I am going to share my feelings about my relationships with everyone on the internet but I don't think you should read because you are my bf. What? Isn't your bf the one you are suppose to share your feelings with? Granted I know there are some things you might not feel comfortable talking with him about, in that case I concur with the whole private settings thing. But, and Im not trying to paint myself off as the relationship guru, isn't that what relationships and communication is all about? Talking with your SO about things that upset you or things that you feel aren't going well?
Him: Now he is just being a liar or a hypocrite when it comes to not reading your blog. Granted he didn't have to say he wasn't going to read it but put yourself in his shoes. If you found out stuff was written about you and your SO wasn't coming to you about it, and it was posted on the internet for everyone to see, would you feel kind of weird about all of it? Not saying it happened, but what if one of his friends or a mutual friend between you two read it and wasn't smart and commented to him about it? "how did that flowers incident go?" or something like that, I would feel kind of embarassed that my gf couldn't just tell me her anxieties about something instead of hearing it from someone who should or shouldn't know about it. I would say that your blog is personal like a diary and that he shouldn't read it. But diaries aren't posted on the internet, usually people keep it only to themselves and divulge them when they want people to read it. Aside from that its just a self reflective thing. On the other hand tho, I see why you would want to be able to post about those topics with out him seeing. And it doesn't change the fact he didn't follow through with what he said, which was he wouldn't read it.
I know a bit of my comment sounds critical of you as a person but it is not. It is more critical of the rationale for you and your bf. I guess just saying a settings change would have sufficed but I like to justify my comments thoroughly when I write them.
But maybe I would suggest opening another sn or handle name and just not putting your name or anything else that can lead to you. Like a permaneant anon- blog. And if you want to share it with someone beyond the internet, like a close personal friend, or something then you can let them know that that is you. That way you can still get the internet community interactivity, it protects you, and you still have the flexibility to write about what you want and have it read by the people you want reading it.
I've been in the same exact situation, except I never told my boyfriend about my blog, he went looking for it. I never thought that anybody would find my blog and I had written a lot of personal stuff in there that I didn't want any of my friends to see. So I know how you feel about the whole betrayed thing. You two will hopefully get past this, my boyfriend and I did for the most part I think. Haha If he doesn't get over it, then it's his own fault. You did nothing wrong with expressing your emotions and you shouldn't have to feel guilty or anything.
why did you tell him? silliness. Â next time think a bit more before telling a bf about a relationship blog you will be writing for. Â It's like telling somenot not to press that big red button.
I read the post about your ex and I don't think your boyfriend has any reason to be upset over it. That said, I think it was pretty stupid to assume he would never want to read your blog, it's human nature to want to know what your SO is saying about relationships. And now, after talking to you about how upsetting the posts were to him, you are posting once again and in a complaining tone trying to make him sound over-sensitive and ridiculous. I'm sure he'll love that ...
I feel bad for him.Â
I can understand his feelings, especially if there was a blog about you not sure if you were in love with him. I think that would hurt, a lot! But, I've kind of been in your position. My ex from a few years back got onto the website that I was posting blogs on and read everything behind my back. He was upset that I was writing things on there about him and our relationship and having the whole world able to read it. And he was especially upset if I wrote about a problem with him without coming & talking to him about it first.
That has happen to me before
I was just blogging and venting my feelings out
Then he read the blog where I vent about him**
& he told me about it
I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I've written but that truly was what was going on in my head
I apologized for writing shit about him
But he told I shouldnt be sorry - cause now he knows whats going on in my mind
& the stuff i said about him - the negative things
he told me they were true and how he'll try to change it
Betrayed??? PHSH!!!
Nothing's ever private on the internet unless you make it private. You should've expected this to happen when you told him about it.
You should at least show a little empathy. He STILL got impacted by your words.
I don't think it matters whether or not you have a "right." You DO. That's what matters. I think that if you're feeling betrayed you need to reconsider this whole blog thing--you're kinda open to criticism and discovery by its very nature.
Don't feel sorry. Even if you didn't write it, you still were thinking about it. It doesn't change anything. Your SO needs to lighten up, maybe? You should talk to him about it... more. Reassure him it's not a big deal and if he can't handle it then that's your call.
Yes, I've gotten "in trouble" but usually it's worked out for the best. It's rude, but writing things in my blogs is a way for me to vent emotions that I can't voice face-to-face because they're too oppressing. It helps me start discussions that I couldn't otherwise.
Wow. This is so ridiculous that I don't even know what to say.
My husband gets mad at me for my blog all the time. Apologize, forgive, and move on.
It'll be ok.