Friday, 20 March 2009
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Confessions of a Clingy Girlfriend, Part I
Scene: watching TV in the living room, I'm all snuggled up to my boyfriend on the couch.Me: [Hmm, I feel like kissing him...] "Hey, hon..."
Him: *stifles a grump* "Hm?"
Me: *leans in to kiss him, reaching further across to him than he did to me* [Win!]
Him: *kisses me once back, then returns to the TV*
Me: [Damnit, I wanted more...] *pulls his arm*
Him: "Come on hon, I'm trying to watch this."
Me: "k...sorry." [He doesn't love me anymore! I'm such a stupid idiot girlfriend! Why can't you just WATCH the damned program like he can!]For six years this stupid thing, this condition, has plagued me. I've scared my first two boyfriends away with it, and you would think with my third, who could keep up with my ways before discovering that we weren't made for each other, I'd learn to be more independent and not clingy. Seriously though, I can't help it! I love the feeling I get from the hug or kiss of my special someone. It's an amazing feeling, there's no denying it. Even the slightest touch gives me the warm fuzzies.
I hate the term "clingy". I think of a magnet sticking to my boyfriend. CLING! I am not a magnet. I am not an inanimate object. I am human darnit. Can't human beings show love? God forbid I try to kiss him and I can totally tell he doesn't want to kiss me right then and there. What the hell, man?! I LOVE YOU for heaven's sake! I should be able to kiss you any moment I dang well please!
I just want him to show me how much he cares, is that so much to ask? Trust me, it's not about the sex - at least for me, it isn't. I'd cuddle over having sex any day of the week, hands down. I do enjoy the sex though, don't get me wrong.I'm surprised there are more clingy guys out there than clingy girls, or so it seems. Yes, I agree, I would not like it if my boyfriend were as clingy as I am - I just want affection when I need it the most, say when I have a bad day. *cough*more like every five seconds*cough*
So I try to be more independent. The whole "I'm so AWESOME and GIRLY I don't even NEED a guy to show my love for ME!"...kinda like those girls from Sex and The City. I could never pull that off in a million years. I'd send every guy I hooked up with running for the hills.
"Try new hobbies!" All right, here is my spat on that. I don't have money to throw around at expensive hobbies (thanks student loans), and the free ones are too boring to do every day. I work out, and that seems to help. But you can only do it for so long every day. Movies and TV shows get old in my small DVD collection. I don't like to read, but I still go to the library in my spare time.
I enjoy going outside, but when you're dealing with winter in Minnesota, it's not that much fun when the temperature is thirty below. My passion is traveling, but I don't have enough money to pay for the gas to just drive around aimlessly and see new things. Yes, not even to places less than 20 miles away. I am that broke. Traveling's an expensive hobby. But might I digress...
To be continued...
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About the Author
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- From: DarkButtercup94@xanga
- Name: DarkButtercup94
- About Me: 22 year old female that just graduated college. Working a 6-month internship in GIS (Geographic Information Systems), job seeking and hope to find a permanent GIS job by the end of July. In a relationship with my best friend, things are amazing. I like rock metal music and going to rock concerts. My favorite band is Sevendust. I enjoy traveling and road trips. I am not like most women out there, I have more guy friends than I do girl friends. Sometimes I'm girly, quite a bit of the time I'm tomboy. I grew up Wisconsinite, proud of being one. Want to know more, just ask.
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Comments (76)
I am totally in your same boat... I know how you feel. It's not like I try to be clingy. I just like the "warm fuzzies" of being close to him and his kisses and hugs and such... Apparently he doesn't see it the same way... "/
<--- I R Clingy too
Dancing is a free hobby.
Also just because your boyfriend wants some alone time doesn't mean he doesn't love you. In fact it's quite the opposite (sometimes). When men go home, they typically want peace and quiet when they relax. On the other hand, not to be sexist or anything but they want to connect on a more personal level through talking face to face. That's not really how guys normally connect though, guys build relationships through activities and girls build relationships through conversation.
Sure it does suck if you always give him his space, but I'm not saying NEVER, it's just a fact that men do like to enjoy some time for themselves to do whatever it is they want without disturbance.
Upon the word clingy, an automatic shudder reverberates through me. I had a guy acquaintance a month or so ago, we're no longer friends now, who was SUPER clingy with any girl he "dated". Every single girl broke up with him after a matter of days because he unloaded all the cling onto them automatically after they agreed to being his girlfriend. If they didn't return his text within 5 minutes, he'd get paranoid of where they were. He was pretty bad.
To the point that he was even clingy with his friends. Which is one reason we were only to the point of being acquaintances. Though within a week he thought we were best friends forever. Creepy. Anyway, I'm off topic.
I think a person can be non-clingy if they really try. Like you, for instance. You want to kiss him while he's interested in the TV, and he doesn't want to break his eyes away from the TV. I don't blame him. If I'm watching a good movie / show, I'm not going to want to start making out in the middle of it. So, realize that he wants to watch a little TV, and wait.
It's nothing against you. It's just what he wants. It's not like he doesn't want kisses all the time, now is it?
I don't think I could deal with a majorly clingy person at all. I'm the type who doesn't want to be messed with when I'm interested in something else, unless it's something that'll be fine if my attention is broken from it.
Remember: The warm fuzzies will be even better if you don't have them all of the time.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< I ARE NOT CLINGY.
never interrupt a guy when he is watching his man-soaps "Lost" or "24"!!
Gah. I'm such a clingy person. But I hate being called clingy...I'm just very very affectionate, lol. It's rather horrendous actually.
I get irritated easily with my boy too unfortunately if he ignores me or such...*sigh*I blame my childhood. :P
hey i"ve been there and sooo done that! and i scared away two boyfriends as well and left one for that. My first left me for my best friend, the second beat me to the clingyness he was always attached to my hip and i couldn't stand it, and the third broke my heart like never before. when the last one did that i totally reavaluated my self. wondering if i might need to change but i met this wonderful guy who i don't feel the need to be clingy with. He tells me he loves me before i can, and he kisses me just as many times as i go to kiss him. He's not clingy, far from it, but what i am saying is i don't think you nessarly have to change, you just have to find a balance someone who is like you in that way. someone who will love you cause your like that. that's what happened with me and i couldn't be more happy. so don't stress bout being clingy, i don't think you are, just cause you want some love and affection, it's just these guys aren't showing you what its really like to be loved.. i really hope the best for you :D...
good luck
Try surfing Xanga all day, or wikipedia-ing everything interesting that you come across on the web! Haha, that sure is a time waster, and once you're in the zone, you'll barely notice your butt getting numb from sitting too long.
It's funny, I hear about clingy guys than girls, but more about psychotic ex-girlfriends than ex-boyfriends. Hrm.
I don't think it's so much as being clingy as it is accidentally finding the inappropriate times to be affectionate. Sure, you can say, "HEY. We're committed to each other; we get to be affectionate at any time we please," but...there is a time for sitting idly and staring at a television, and a time for solely cuddling.
I'm sure you can do it. Just remember there is "you" time, and there's "only you" time. It's all good in moderation. Like fructose! Or...so they claim. =] Good luck!
in my last relationship, i felt the same way.. he really didnt give me the attention i deserved tho... plus he was the independent type too.
in my current relationship, he is kinda clingy like me and our relationship is awesome!!!!!! but maybe its cause we only see each other on weekends....... maybe you should start ignoring him lol and try to get his attention. or not see him for couple of days. let your worry mind be free from him so his not-paying-attention-to-you doesnt bug you
rzimmerman08@xanga said everything i wanted to.
I am the complete opposite of you. I don't think I could ever be clingy (except I always seem to attract clingy guys). I'm very independent and like to do my own thing. Sure, I like to cuddle and show affection but it's not something I need constantly. I don't really have any advice as to how you could be less clingy, I've always been independent and it doesn't really change when I'm in a relationship with someone.
Search google for 5 love languages quiz... it will open your eyes so much more... You're not being clingy, that's just how you express love... through physical touch. I'm the same way. My ex hated kissing me in the middle of a movie that he paid to see... but its what I needed to know he loved me. My new boyfriend gives me as much lovin' (physical touch) as I need, and I don't feel like he doesn't care about me... ever.
I know where you're coming from. But try to see from his point of view. Imagine how annoying it will get when he is calling you every five seconds, asking for your attention every five seconds, and not allowing you to do what you want on your own.
I am not clingy enough =/
I dont know how to show people my affection
I think it's okay to be clingy.I don't see my boyfriend everyday, so when I do see him I expect to have all of his attention. Is that bad?
@proudsmartypants@xanga - be cold to your boyfriend and act like you don't care...I did that with my boyfriend and he started smothering me. It's actually quite funny to watch.
Yup we're mammals. I can be affectionate in moderation, but then if I feel I give too much... I might slide off for quite awhile.
:\
@pillowpixies@xanga - I totally agree with you, u couldnt have said it better.
I use to be like that with my husband. everytime he was watching tv or playing his video games i would want to cuddle and want to make out or bother him in some kind of way to get his attention, I realize that it wasnt the right time to be doing that. Guys love watching tv, playing video games or whatever else, and i think us females should let them have there time to do that and after they are finish then we can harrass our love ones as much as we want. but i think u shouldnt get so mad because he is trying to watch a show/movie. your diffrent then he is because u dont mind if he was to come and try and disturb you while watching tv. For me i would get aggravated if my husband kept bothering or trying to talk to me while i was doing something.. you dont think just sitting next to him and cuddling with him on the couch isnt enough? it should be and if it isnt then you should look deeper into yourself because that means its more a attention thing.
Sigh.
hmm... I would call that touchy-feely rather than clingy.
I'm not sure you're being clingy or simply that you enjoy physical affection. When I think "clingy", I think of the person who can't stand to be apart from their partner ever --the person who calls every 5 minutes, doesn't want to do independent activities, etc. If it's just that you like being in close contact while you're together, I don't think that's clinginess; but if it's the other thing I mentioned, then yeah, it is clingy.
If it is the case that you can't stand to be apart from him, I would wonder why you aren't spending more time with your friends and how you can possibly have enough time to follow him around. That's not quite the impression I got, but I'm not sure. Is it a new relationship?
If you're calling him every hour to see where he is.. If you're forcing him to stop seeing his friends because you want to be with him 24/7.. that is being clingy.
Being affectionate doesn't mean being clingy.
Believe me, I know what clinginess is and you're not clingy. I know this guy that literally spends all his time outside of work to hang out with his gf and her family. He doesn't even give her room to breathe. He's practically living with her and he tells me it's for practice for when they get married. They have only been together for maybe 8 months. She isn't even in college yet. He's completely delusional. That is clinginess.
I feel that if you are spending time together it's ok to want attention but if he is out with his friends or somewhere where you are not ... it's time to give him space. Don't text him every five mins or call him every hour wondering where he is.
(I am guilty for texting every once in awhile when i'm bored... but i'm not trying to invade just bored)
I don't control him when he wants to hang out with a friend at a bar or a party. He still asks me and I always say yes...
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"
The less you kiss him, the more "special" it'll be. :)
@Neurotically_Mine@xanga - "He's completely delusional."
LMAO! That cracked me up and made me smile. =)