Thursday, 19 March 2009
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I Have His Heart; She Has His Body
My ex-boyfriend and I have been over for seven months. Although the relationship title isn't there anymore, we talk every day for hours, share secrets, and say "I love you". Whenever we're together, he holds my hand, plays with my hair and hugs me for extended periods of time. It would be completely justified for any outsider to assume we're together. The problem? He has a girlfriend.
They have been together for five months and counting. They go to the same school and work at the same place, but outside of when he has to see her, he doesn't. In fact, he acts as though he doesn't like her at all. He tells me that I'm the only one who understands him, that he cannot live without me and the connection he has with his new girl isn't as strong..Yet he still remains with her. (Basically, he admitted to their relationship being only physical.)
Now, my ex doesn't cheat on her with me technically, but I still feel like the other woman. I've brought it up a few times, asking to keep our relationship as "just friends," but neither of us can seem to. I can't help but feel like he's using me to make up for the lack of emotional connection he isn't getting from his strictly physical relationship. I'm not going to pretend like I don't want him to break up with her for me, but I'm not exactly holding my breath for it.Is there a such thing as "emotional cheating"? Can you still be just friends with someone that you have an unavoidable romantic connection with?
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Comments (348)
BLECH
Did he not find you physically attractive? this is bullshit to me...
Yes there is such things as emotional cheating. I've been emotionally cheated on before. And it does seem like he's using you and you don't need that. Just stop being and hanging around him so much. I'm not going to say yes or no whether or not it's possible to be friends with someone who you have a romantic connection with. But do you really want to be the possibility why the relationship ends?
Yes there is emotional cheating. I wonder why you broke up in the first place since you seemed to not exactly break up. And of course, there's the question of why he has a girlfriend that he doesn't want to actually see but then of course, men do like their sex.
This is way too screwy to wrap my head around but good luck figuring out this mess.
There is such a thing as emotional cheating. Just remember this if you two get together again, when he's out telling some other girl that he cares for her while he just uses your body. (:
Plus, he obviously doesn't value you too much. If he did, you'd have all of him. Not half for you and half for someone else.
this iz sik & twistid azzin frakenstein or werse the bryde of frankenstein iky you need to put hiz heart bak in hiz body & split
There is definitely such a thing as emotional cheating. IMO it's one of the worst kinds. How would you feel if it was the other way around ? You had the physical part of him, and she had his heart ? My husband recently texted a woman for a few days with the intent of sleeping with her, and it hurt me more that they were "getting to know each other" than the fact he was looking at her sexually. Sex is just that, sex. Especially when it's with someone you don't care about. To love someone says a lot. To care about someone, hold hands, hug, give your inner most thoughts to them, that's a strong connection. I would say that you ARE the other woman, and he is cheating on her with you, especially if you and him have had physical contact, kissing, hugging, touching period. JMHO
Yes, there is such a thing as emotional cheating--and yes, it's possible to be friends with an old love. But not when you're not really just friends.
I hate to be cynical, but is there any chance that he's lying to you, using you as a back-up, stringing you along?
I have to agree with notjustanothergirl that you might want to spend less time with him. Not oly do you not want to be the reason the relationship ends, but you've sort of got your own life on hold for him. Get out there and live it and love living it and let him figure out how much he misses you. If it turns out that he can't live without you, and that's what you want, good. If it turns out that you can live without him and he can live without you, then you can start exploring actual friendship, rather than the drawn-out ending of romance.
Good luck to you whatever you decide!
in my opinion, yes.
my best friend has a girlfriend, and i am actually best friends with her. even when we are there with him at the same time, he still hugs me more, says i love you, and really, talks to me. its a bit confusing how she sits there and lets it happen... but me and him both know in our minds that we dont really want to be together, but it isnt shown to other people that way...
but either way, we are not going out. we're just really realy really really really..... really.... good friends....
@alltimelow22@xanga - my point is (i forgot to add this in my last comment) that i know that he shouldnt be paying attention to me... but i dont really do anything aout it....
Yes. You definitely need to stop this.
He's not emotionally cheating on the girl. He's basically using the two of you for his own desires. For her...it's the physical. But for you...he probably enjoys the more intimate moments. And don't believe a word he says when he's saying "it's all physical" with his current girlfriend. He's playing games with you and her.
Regardless he's not sleeping with you...he's still not being faithful to her. Imagine yourself in his girlfriend's shoes. How would you feel if your boyfriend was going behind your back to his ex girlfriend? I suggest you back off before the drama gets worse.
This is sooo wrong on so many levels. . . .and your wrong for selling yourself short. Why not get a guy whom you can call a boyfriend and stop wasting your time with the past. Cant move forward if you keep lookin back at ex's and what not.
This is bullshit. He should have nothing.
yeah there is such thing as emotional cheating...i feel like that more hurtful then physical cheating because its like....u have that connection.
anyone can get together and have good sex but only a certain pair can get together and have that special bond you are talking about...
first off its unfair to you...and second it is def unfair to his current girlfriend. something needs to change. And HE NEEDS TO MAKE A DECISION.
he feels he can have have his cake and eat it too....bullshit. make an ultimatum that he has to choose or you walk away because it is obviously not possible for you two to be JUST friends if he chooses the other girl.
@alltimelow22@xanga - your poor best friend....
Um yes. I'd rather my boyfriend got drunk and made a mistake and hooked up with someone than regularly had an emotional relationship with another girl. Why would you want to get back to someone who can't be faithful?
If you have to ask if it's emotional cheating, then you must feel it's wrong. If you feel it's wrong, don't do it.
And yes, there is such a thing. If there wasn't and you still feel like you're the other woman, would you still do it?
There is such a thing as "emotional cheating". And in your case, there is such a thing as being a moron, especially if you can't see that he's a player.
There is emotional cheating, but I guess in this case, it depends on whether or not his current girlfriend thinks of him as something more than a physical roller-coaster. Still, cheating is cheating. I think his holding your hand, playing with your hair, and hugging you a little too long is borderline cheating. Not quite cheating, not quite not-cheating...but if people think you're together, his girlfriend might get a little huffy...=/
You can, technically, be "just friends," but it doesn't seem to be happening with the two of you.
It's not my business, but I have to wonder why you broke up, anyway. You two are apparently connecting on an emotional level, and it seems like you can't live without each other. You're not together because...? The whole scenario is just a little strange to me.
You might want to consider distancing yourself from him if you don't want to deal with this. But if not, into the pit! Haha.
I hope something works out with the three of you soon. Good luck!
hes full of bs.
He's bad. It's all or nothing. No sharing! DX
Get a guy who's going to give all of himself to you.
yes there is a thing such as emotional cheating. it's like he's with you but he likes some other girl..and vice versa
my ex & i are the opposite. i still love him & he still cares for me.
but he likes another girl & is trying to pursue her.
however...he still comes to me to for comfort or support when he's lonely and nobody else is there for him.
besides that...we do get intimate with each other...like kissing and cuddling.
there are times when i feel used because he doesn't love me anymore but he still wants to be physically engaged in a relationship with me.
but in your case...you're pretty lucky that you still have his heart. i wish i still have my ex bf's heart =/
I think you should think long and hard about 1) why you guys broke up in the first place and 2) how he could be deceiving his supposed girlfriend for 5 months.
I WAS IN THAT SITUATION U GOTTA LET IT GO HE KNOWS WAT TO TELL U TO KEEP YOU IF HE LOVED U HE WOULD BE WITH YOU