Thursday, 19 March 2009
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I Know My Ex Will Compare Me to My Friend
Given that there are 7 billiion people in the world...of which I am assuming 3.5 billion are women...WHY can't they go pick one of those others instead? Have they only the means to attract within the same immediate locality? Or are they just doing it to piss me off? You see, two of my friends are now OFFICIALLY together. I say officially, as it has been announced on Facebook, which is as official as it gets these days.
Like, is there no other people they could screw? Why must it be each other!?
Not that I know for definite that they are screwing each other. She did keep me waiting a few months! But if they aren't screwing already, it is likely they will be soon. And then? She will COMPARE us.
It is never okay to compare friends! You know you went wrong somewhere in your life if you are comparing friends in the bedroom department. This is a surefire sign that you aren't getting out enough. You're obviously not sampling the wares of the world quite properly if you are picking friends of ex-boyfriends!
Maybe it is my fault, because before Christmas, he'd told me he had the hots for her. I acted like I was totally okay with it because that's what you do when you want people to think you don't care! I couldn't have them think that I cared. Tat would be a PR nightmare - people thinking that I, Loki, had genuine feelings! Imagine.
Besides, if I'd admitted "Yeah, I do care!" this probably still would have happened and then I'd look like the guy who held a grudge, or the ex-boyfriend who still cared, which, to be honest, is never a good look.
After I found out about those two, he texted me to ask if I wanted to do something with him this week....all casually, and not mentioning the fact he is now dating my ex. I bet that is the reason why he wants to do something with me this week, so he can talk to me about it...and make me feel very, very sick!
Yeah I know, I should just accept it, and move on; maybe I should scope out one of his exes and screw her outrageously and publicly! No, because that would be weird. And I never want my knob to go somewhere where Jonny's has been already. That is frightening.
WHY DOESN'T HE FEEL THE SAME WAY!?
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- From: TheL0ki@xanga
- About Me: He's just a bit: Dramatic . Adventurous. Stubborn. Messy. Cultured. Spoiled. Lazy. Histrionic. Charming. Deluded. Reckless. Friendly. Selfish. Feisty. Obsessive. Romantic. Ambitious. Optimistic. Cynical. Hopeless. Lucky.
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Comments (25)
Is this not breaking some sort of man-law?
(Hypothetical situation) If I broke up with someone, and my friend wanted to be with my ex- I would at least want her to wait awhile/ask me! It is basic common courtesy. Especially if you still have lingering feelings for the ex.
This is just breaking friendship law, regardless of the genders of the friends. Seriously, dude. I really have to wonder if this guy is really a "best friend" at this point.
This is why I refuse to be friends with exes. Once I dump your ass, I'm pretty much totally done, and that's for good.
The same exact thing happened to me. I broke up with my boyfriend of four years. A couple months after that, one of my closest friends was with him. Never have a seen so much drama ensue from that relationship.
I totally understand and agree with you. Those types of relationships are such a conflict of interest. Friendships get destroyed. And the funny thing is when the relationship in question doesn't work out.
And that's exactly what happened to me. My friend and ex didn't work out. He did to her exactly what he did to me and vice versa. It was beautiful...
Hang in there!
Ya, thats just wrong. You don't break the code. Everyone knows that, or should.
The only thing less cool I can think of is one of you best friends going out with your sister/brother behind your back.
It just puts you in a really crappy situation where it's hard to maintain a friendship.
Ouch.
Some people move on [a lot] faster, while others [the other half] need to take time for themselves, to self-reflect, or to experience freedom again.
It`s been over a year since my ex, who is currently on his third love interest after me. I was jealous of both him and whatever girl it was until after his second relationship. Rushing from one to the next does not look attractive, and I have lost some respect for him.
There is nothing wrong with lingering feelings, or jealousy. So long as it doesn`t turn into stalkery, it`s healthy. It means the relationship meant something to you, not just another name on a long list.
Maybe because you told him you were okay with it. Sometimes, people just don't pick up on hidden emotions, no matter how much they're not supposed to exist. Besides, if she actually compares the two of you to his face, he'd probably care. For now, I think 1. they're not doing anything, 2. she isn't saying anything, or 3. she doesn't even care because they like each other that much.
The nausea you feel just means - le gasp - you're a human capable of feelings?! =] That's nice to know (haha, on a side note, I remember seeing some website that politely asked its users to click on a button that said "yes, I'm human, not a robot" or something like that. woww).
And, cheers! You already know you're supposed to move on to better things in your life, so there's really no point to the whole advice-giving thing. Good luck =].
I went through a very similar situation..twice. I had a guy I dated for 3 years, we broke up, a couple months later he started dating my best friend. I can't exactly blame them becuase they both asked if it was okay before hand, and they wouldn't have dated if I had told them I wasn't okay with it, but I felt that if I kept them from dating, they would either hide their relationship from me, or hold a grudge agianst me for keeping them from eachother. Basically a loose loose situation. I told them I was okay, and they have been very considerate. I hold no bad feelings agianst them
The other similar situation was my other best friend started dating the guy I was ABOUT to date, like one more day and we would have started dating. I hold grudges against them becuase they went behind my back, they hid the fact they where "talking" while I was "talking" with the guy. they lied and didn't understand why I was upset.
So there are different ways they could have handled the situation that would have made it easier on you, I know what you're going through and I really feel for ya, it sucks. Maybe you could talk to them about why it hurts you? and if they don't understand then might as well move on,
revenge is never the right answer though, it just makes you look immature. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I hope maybe my advice helped a little? probly not >_<
Honestly, that's just freakin` weird. I never did that and my friends surely never did that either.
Im sorry you had to experiance this crap, Im the type that would come straight out and say it and yeah they may think your jealous but oh well at least you got the shit off your chest, hell let them think what they want to.
If they still went ahead and got together then i would stop talking to the both of them because that goes to show u how much respect they have for you in the first place. i say u have a chat with your friend and let him know how u really feel about this situation.
also does it ever come to mind the "what if's" like what if they had a crush on each other when u and her was together? or what if they talked behind your back to each other? idk it would make me think a little further.
shit man, if anything.
don't compare me to YOUR ex lol..
haha same shit happened to me. If i were you, i'd show him his place for breaking the bro code
lol what happened to "bros before hoes?"
from what I see, your friend could have lessened the blow by first talking to you about seeing your exgirlfriend instead of publicly broadcasting it on facebook so you could find out yourself. that's just insensitive. i can totally understand why you would feel uncomfortable. this is why i do not date my girlfriends exes. it seems incestuous.
girls compare.. it's what we do. [shrug]
you're friend is being a dick, but you also should have told him that you weren't really cool with him going after her. :P
Doesn't matter if you said it's cool. A friend would a. know it's not actually cool and b. not be asking in the first place because that's entirely inappropriate behavior in a friendship. Should never happen, period. I'd immediately disengage myself from both of them and never look back.
Sorry dude, even if you asked him not to date her, he still woulda done it.
People are gonna do what they want regardless. It's funny to notice though how he puts all the blame on the mans action and none on the females. It takes two to tango, bud.
he isnt ur fren in the first place...why dun u kick him out of ur life for good
This is one reason why I've never understand Friends, the TV show. They're all screwing each other, back and forth.
I have not dated someone close to a group of friends. I keep them all separate.
I always had a rule.
My friend's exes are all off limits. Not only that, but if I dated a guy and we broke up, all his cousins and friends are also off limits.
That's just how I roll.
And yes, she will compare. Maybe not verbally but mentally.
fb relationship announcements are so gay.
Wow. You sound like such a cocky, big-headed arse. Reading this makes me feel glad that your ex found someone better. Honestly, I thought you were kidding and writing this post fun..
I understand you may feel hurt, but two people LIKE each other at the same time and are able to admit their feelings for each other! That alone is hard to accomplish, so just be happy for them, especially since your friend warned you already. If not, just TALK to him. At least he has the decency to inform you. And if you care so much about being compared, then you are completely lacking self-esteem and totally self-absorbed. As if that's the only thing she'll be thinking when they're together. "OMGawd, so much better in bed than his friend..!" HONESTLY, why do you even CARE?! You're no longer together for a REASON.
"Are they just doing it to piss me off?"
You come across as insecure and paranoid. You're an ex, not a current boyfriend. It's not an extra-marital affair. At the time that you had the opportunity to state your true feelings, you chose instead to respond with a facade of nonchalance. So they have no reason to believe that you would be pissed off, and since you were so convincing in acting the contrary why would they think you would be pissed off?
And your logic is flawed in the beginning. Two people in the same social circle who are mutually interested in each other will hook up - it's entirely probable. They have no reason to look elsewhere. It's simply more convenient to date within your own social circle then to consider 3 billion other males who may not even be on the same continent as you. And convenience is rather important in making a relationship function.
"maybe I should scope
out one of his exes and screw her outrageously and publicly! No,
because that would be weird. And I never want my knob to go somewhere
where Jonny's has been already."
And that is just sadistic and treacherous. This whole rant comes across as embittered and hysterical. You should consider the situation more responsibly and less emotionally. Then, accept your friends invitation and discuss the matter with some maturity regardless of what you think of how he has handled the issue. If he is your friend, I cannot see why you are so quick to treat him as an enemy.
maybe he just happen to really like your ex.... it's actually very similar situation i'm in. my ex and my current SO are "friends" lol. so yeah =T and around christmas time my current SO told my ex he like me and wonder if it's okay if he talks to me. But i mean, if a girl fits what you want in a girl, you shouldn't let her go just because she was your friend's ex. I guess as long as you talk to your friend first.
There's an unwritten rule, "Friends don't go after friend's exes." I wouldn't want that to happen to me...especially right after a break up.
I thought that was taboo as it was. But I find friendship means less and less as you get older. A fact that naivety kept me from.
Sounds like a situation that recently happened with a group of my friends, except for it being an ex. My female friend and I had a mutual guy friend, we also had a mutual female friend. The two mutual friends started dating, after my friend pointed out she didn't want them dating because it'd be her two best friends dating which would be awkward for her.
Now, our mutual guy friend won't talk to us, won't hang out with us, and whatever is said to him goes back to his girlfriend. So, basically she lost her two best friends at once. Talk about lucky.
@SupperMick@xanga - Yah it takes two to tango but he expected more from his friend than the girl. Girls come and go, but friends should be forever. I know friendships don't always last forever, but I do expect more out of my girl best friends than some guy I dated for a while.