Wednesday, 18 March 2009
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"I Cheated to Get Back at Him for Cheating on Me!"
While my husband and I was cuddling on the couch watching Friends, one of my close friends called. I picked up and she instantly told me she had to get something off her chest and she had to tell someone. Giving my husband the look that I had to take this call, I went to our bedroom for privacy and so that I could focus on her rather than the television. But first, let me give you a background about my friend, Nat. She's been with her current boyfriend, Rick, for almost three years and just a couple of months ago, he cheated on her with a random chick at the bar. The most they did was kiss and rub on each other - if you know what I mean.
But in the middle of it, he stopped and admitted to the woman that he had a girlfriend and he couldn't go on with it. He end up coming home and called Nat a couple days later to confess because he said he "felt so much guilt on his shoulders". She was pissed, avoided him for a couple of days, but gave him another chance to prove himself and work out their relationship. They've been doing fine for about three months now since it happened - at least, I thought so.Back to the phone call. The first thing she blurted out to me was, "I cheated on him!" I asked her why she would do such a thing when she was so hurt when he had done it to her. She replied, "To get back at him...and it felt damn good. I don't feel guilty at all." I mean, what do you say to that? I was just surprised and shocked that she would admit something to willingly...even with a sense of pride.
I know two wrongs don't make a right, and she felt it was justified, which I can understand from her point of view, but I disagreed.
Would you ever cheat on someone to get back at them, or do you know someone who did?
Are those actions are justified because their partners had once cheated on them?
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Comments (56)
I would never cheat on anyone I was with-- no matter what. I don't think cheating can ever be justified. Just don't do it.
If people can't stay commited and not cheat, they shouldn't be in a relationship.
Um, no.
If you feel that pissed off to feel justified in cheating, maybe it should tell you to get out of the relationship because obviously you are not resolving any issues. Or of course, you can play musical chairs cheating style and pick up matching STDs.
Forgiving someone means letting it go. She did not do that and they can never move on from the situation until she forgives him completely-- and now he's got something to forgive as well.
Your initial reaction was right, in my opinion... two wrongs simply don't make a right.
Would you ever cheat on someone to get back at them, or do you know someone who did?
I say no and a lot of people would too; but I think we'd be making liars out of ourselves. Berserkers can be intelligent, but they're not using the brains when going all out (Kudos if you get the metaphor). I would try not to. One of my friends did to get back at her boyfriend and said it was like eating take out: A quick fix. Not feeling particularly embarrassed about it; but still not really solving the issue at hand.
Are those actions are justified because their partners had once cheated on them?
This is another common misconception. Understandable does not equal justifiable. Odds are, if you're resorting to cheating on each other to get back at each other; then both of you have problems in general, not just starting from the bedroom.
Morals vs. Society is the argument here: Getting foreign poon-tang pie as a means to satisfy Eye 4 Eye isn't the right thing to do. However, as I stated earlier in the metaphor; when you're extremely hurt and angry, you won't be thinking clearly anyway.
If she really feels no guilt maybe she shouldn't be locked into a relationship. Then she wouldn't have to worry about whether or not she was cheating...
Personally, I've had awkward drunk moments, but never actually cheated.
He didn't 100% cheat on her; he didn't have feelings for the "random woman" and he didn't literally have sex with her. They rubbed against eachother, that is all. He could have stayed quiet about it, but instead he came forward and told Nat. He felt very guilty about it, and as far as we know he hasn't repeated it because he learned his lesson.
I'm taking it (from your wording) that she went all the way though. She didn't feel any guilt for it. I think that makes her the lesser person, and definitely immature for doing what she done.
No, the actions are not justified.
I would never cheat on anybody, plain and simple. If they cheat on me, I either leave them or try to work around it - I don't turn around and screw everything up by trying to get back at them like a cretin.
I have a friend who has been cheated on multiple times and she is still with the guy. I told her she could find somebody better and deserves better. She ended up marrying the guy. Whats even worse is that she said she is able to marry him knowing that he cheated on her. How dumb is that?
I have major trust issues...Break my trust and you're gone!
if you're holding a grudge for three months and then get back... not just cheating... anything... what does that say about the relationship?
but back to the question... no I wouldn't. I don't want someone else's lack of ethics to ruin mine.
the actions are "justified", maybe, but it puts the cheated right on the same level as the cheater.
That woman is a moron.
So the thing is, I - in my sane state of mind - would never cheat on a significant other, even if he cheated on me (we'd probably break up if he cheated on me, actually...). That's hypothetically speaking. But if it comes down to it and I'm literally madly in love and not thinking clearly, I might accidentally-on-purpose do something I'd regret (and just to make it clear, I'm not an advocate of cheating). But that's the big difference; I'd regret it. Two wrongs don't make a right, one shouldn't have to stoop to another's level if he/she has supposedly moved on, etcetera, etcetera.
If she doesn't regret her decision, then the relationship, as I see it, is over. It's like they're dragging it along for the hell of it, just to see how it goes. I hope it works out for them, though...=/
@HerLoveMovesSlowly@xanga - You said it best "If she really feels no guilt maybe she shouldn't be locked into a relationship."
She obviously had not forgiven him for what he had done. Personally I would have felt a deeper trust in my bf if I were her because there aren't too many guys that would openly admit something like that. It could have been so easy for him to hide it. What she did was way worse because it was intentional and without any guilt.I would not cheat just to get back at him. If you can't or won't forgive him, it is probably best to walk away from the relationship and move on. Cheating back will only make things worse.
No, I wouldn't. After something like that, if a couple is going to stay together, they need to be working on moving past it and forgiving each other. It may be hard to do, but making the situation worse is NEVER a good idea!
No, it doesn't make it okay. But it can feel good in the moment. Kind of a way to demonstrate that the other person has no power over you.
However, it's only going to hurt the relationship in the long run since neither one of them has the common sense to say no.
Now what did that solve? Nothing.
No, cheating is never justified. If someone cheats on you, you don't cheat on him/her back. In other words, have the maturity and the dignity to not sink into his/her level. Let karma take charge.
The guy should at least be given credit for realizing he was wrong and putting a stop to it before it went any further. It's stupid to "cheat back" at someone. That just shows that you don't care about them at all and want to damage them. Just get out of the relationship.
First off..that's fucking retarded. stupid. immature.
she obviously felt less than any remorse as to how he did..at least he fessed' up to it.
I think that's stupid& dirty.
Was it immature? Perhaps. Short-sighted? Maybe. But did it make her feel better? Yeah, sure seems like it.
I think what we're all missing here is that when a person cheats on you, you HURT. And we're not talking about your average, run-of-the-mill, dammit-I-just-stubbed-my-toe hurt. We're talking profound pain here, people. Betrayal, loss, rage, disgust, hatred, insecurity, loss of trust, loss of faith, anger at God...the whole gamut. And the worst part is, just like only the two people in a given relationship can understand what that relationship is like, only the two people in the relationship can understand what it's like in the aftermath of infidelity. The problem then becomes that one person knows what it's like to be betrayed, and the other one knows what it's like to be the betrayer.
I'm not condoning it, but by doing a little revenge cheating, if nothing else, the cheater gets to experience the exquisite agony of knowing that his partner thinks so little of him and the relationship, as a direct result of his own immorality and stupidity, that having a roll in the hay with someone else was more important than remaining faithful. He gets to roll it around in his head that if he had any self-control in the first place, none of this would be happening. Her cheating is a direct result of his cheating. He brought it on himself, and if it's killing him inside, good.
I know I must sound like a horrible person, but to me, when a person has been betrayed after three-plus years, it's not up to any of us to say that their way of dealing with it is right or wrong. For her, inflicting some emotional injury so he could get a little closer to feeling her pain might be the only way she could deal with it.
Like you said, two wrongs don't make a right. While I'm sorry she had to be the one to experience infidelity and what not, it didn't justify her actions to cheat on him back no matter how hurt she felt. At least he had the balls to fess up to his actions. Others may not have for whatever the reason. That's just completely immature and dirty. I begin feel bad for the guy who she cheated on him with as well.
Cheating on someone because they cheated on you is sinking to their level, if not lower.
This woman is ridiculous!
ha that's horrible. something tells me they won't be together much longer...
I've always said I would never cheat on any one in my lifetime because the pain is devastating.
From experience cheating on someone because they've done it to you solves absolutely nothing and just causes more heartache and drama for your partner and yes, yourself.
The love of my life cheated on me before and although I thought I let it go, I guess I never forgave him. I shouldn't have been with him if I couldn't trust him. Even if he was amazing for the few years we were together, when the golden opportunity came for me to creep I did. I eventually told him and honestly it hurt me a lot more than when he did it for the following reasons:
1) to see him suffering was devastating
2) to know he trusted me with his life and I broke this was even more upsetting because I knew I've dug a deeper hole between us
Long story short: although revenge may seem sweet, it's so not worth it. If you have to cheat on someone just to get back at them, either learn to forgive or just let go of that person.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
It makes more wrongs.
WTF! Time to break up. This relationship is NOT going to work. Where's the respect & trust for each other and most importantly, for themselves?!