Dr. Datingish
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We don't have the best intimacy - to be more specific, he cannot please me.
Although I have no problems pleasing him and giving him what he likes, he feels that our intimacy is lacking because I'm not enjoying it as much as he is.
I would love to feel the same way he does, but there is something holding me back.
This has been an ongoing problem and I think that eventually if I can't make our sex life better, we will eventually lose our connection. I am afraid he will only want to be friends with me sooner or later.
What could I possibly do to help?
Do men depend on sex for a relationship to survive?
Have you ever had a relationship based purely on sex?
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Comments (45)
Without sex, mankind as we know it would not exist.
Anyway.
You're giving him what he likes because he told you what he likes. It sounds like you haven't told him what you like, so he doesn't know. You have to tell him if you like it fast, slow, in between, or any other details to make it the way you like it.
No male with balls intact can survive a relationship without sex.
If he's the one that can't please you, shouldn't he be the one trying to figure out what he can do ummm better i mean to help?
The answer to question two is: yes. ;P
The answer to question three is: yes. :):)
@karmaprincesa@xanga - I find that statement offensive. You have no faith in men.
I'm going to kill myself now, mankind has definitely gone to the dogs.
Or in this case, the women.
I think you definitely need sexual chemistry in a relationship if you want it to survive and thrive. But the good news is that human beings adapt and learn fast so you shouldn't worry too much about it. It takes a while to know the other person and what they like specifically. If you know what you like then he will know as well. If you "explore" together then you both will be satisfied. Also reading books about it helps a lot!
I don't want to stray too far from your question, but it seems like there are other issues besides him not being able to please you. As you stated: "We don't have the best intimacy - to be more specific, he cannot please me." Sex is the most physically intimate bond people can have. There may be other things missing in your relationship, such as the ability to verbally communicate, or other signs of intimacy. You should talk to him about this. If you're comfortable to "have no problem pleasing him," you also should not have a problem talking about this.
The best of luck to you.
First off, ATTN: SerenaDante! Haha. Seriously, go to her xanga and ask her.
I've never had sex so I'm not quite sure how to answer this question, buttttt....maybe you're thinking about it too much? Rather than letting it just happen? .....I don't know....
Good luck!
Maybe he's lacking in size to reach the spot.....?
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga -
I concur, have you told him what you would like?What is it that you find unsatisfying? Duration? Intensity? etc etc. Hard to say what to change.
Have you tried talking with him about it? What exactly is holding you back? Does he seem to not want to put the effort into figuring out what works for you? Again... talk with him about what works, what doesn't, etc.
It would depend on the man. Some men have lower sex drives and can have happy relationships with little or no sex. Some men would see no sex would be a deal breaker. Hard to answer, maybe you should ask your boyfriend.
I am a big fan of communication.
You say there's something holding you back. I think you need to figure out what that something is. Are you uncomfortable with him? Is it a personal issue? If anyone is going to leave from dissatisfaction, it sounds like it would be you, not him. Try to figure out the problem together.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - i agree!
I know that sometime, Sex doesn't come with love.
It 's a kid of feeling of the man.. If you think sex can maintain your relation, it's wrong. You can open your heart to talk with you boyfriend. It must be a good chance for you two.
I confess that I have a sex mate..We are a good friend,too. When we are horny, we can do it. It doesn't mean we indulge about sex only. We still can talk and go to shopping together too.
if he can't please you, why not please yourself while you two are having sex? nothing wrong with giving yourself a helping hand till he learns how to do it himself.
A lot of people are giving great advice, but this is in the bedroom. You can go a whole relationship without sex, it can be done. However, you're going to be hard pressed to find one of those.
What could I possibly do to help?
A: Common misconception on the woman's half. We're not mind readers. You know what gets you off, You gotta tell him; otherwise we're dead asleep and you're wound up. From what I've surveyed and read; poor communication during sex can dampen or strain a relationship because one partner isn't enjoying the sex to the other and both sides are hurt due to lack of communication.
Do men depend on sex for a relationship to survive?
A: No we don't. I know I can go without. However, I'm not gonna lie to you babe; finding a man that can go an entire long term (the whole relationship from it's birth until "death do thee part") relationship with no sex is kinda like finding individuality at a Guido convention. It CAN be done and THERE are people out there that can do it; but you're really slimming your options.
Have you ever had a relationship based purely on sex?
I haven't had one relationship at all. However, you really shouldn't have one based on sex; because eventually gravity will make fools of us all. Plus, there's always that one little penalty during sex. What were they called again.....children?
Something else is wrong with the relationship. You need to communicate. Go vibrator shopping with him.
Every healthy relationship must have COMMUNICATION! If you don't tell him there's a problem, he's not going to now that he needs to change something.
Next time you are having sex, give him positive reinforcement when he does something you like, a moan or just say "I love it when you do that." I'll guarantee he'll do it again.
Also, try different sexual positions to see what will work best for you both. Also don't be afraid to incorporate toys, lubricants, and other things of that sort.
I find that guys are usually very eager to make their S.O. happy sexually. Ask and it shall be given.
If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an message.
just try to let go and enjoy it!
a lot of women have this problem. have you been 'satisfied' from other men? if so, what was it that they did?
maybe experiment with yourself so you know what your hotspots are, then show them to your man ;)
@karmaprincesa@xanga - GENTLEMEN that respect women can survive in a dating/engaged relationship without sex.
I don't think men depend on sex to make a relationship work, or at least the decent ones don't.
And, yes I've been in a relationship based on sex. I've noticed that there's a certain level of something (I don't know what) that you achieve when having sex with someone you have a connection with as opposed to someone with no connection, no matter how good the sex is.
That's why you try new things. Don't be afraid to reveal things you want to try.
I'm going through something extremely similar as the male of a couple and I'll say, I find it amazing that some people don't see sex as a vital component to a healthy relationship. I suggest talking with him and trying to understand what you aren't enjoying about it. You'll be way ahead of the game that way instead of being yelled at or ignored. And don't get mad at him for trying to help fix things, cause that is sorta counter productive, too. Like everything else, it's all about communication.
TIE HIM UP
TO A CHAIR
MAKE HIM SIT IN FRONT OF PORN FOR 3 HOURS
AND SAY
YOU BETTER STUDY THIS SHIT REAL WELL
OR ELSE U AIN'T GETTIN IT!!
umm.....what is ..this ...sex you speak of ? LOL ok so I am probably the last person who should say anything about this subject, but I was with a sex addict for (way to long) and to make a long story short.....and I mean real short...He couldnt please me without me helping him out. I explained it to him, wrote the shit down on paper, gave him study material, hell I even showed him what to do and it did no good. He was very
I was more like 
so basically if the shoe is a size 10 but your foot is only a size 6 it is not going to fit without some duck tape! the solution? well you can either get a better fitting shoe
or if you still like him, learn to get damn good at pleasing yourself and you wont notice the difference between him or six toed ......well you get the picture .