Guys, from what I've read, the vast majority of Datingish ladies won't give you a second thought if you don't pay for their dinners. Covering him or even splitting the check? Please. I read something like "if you're taking ME out, you can pay for MY dinner". Yowza. No wonder we girls get a bad rap. I don't think that's particularly fair, though.
I'm relatively sure the whole pay-for-your-girl idea is more historical than chivalrous.
Think about it: until this past century, guys were the primary breadwinners - most women didn't earn as much as their male counterparts and some didn't work at all. Fast forward to today, where most women are working, earning money and able to drop cash for nice things, be they dinners, shoes (my bad) or large scale appliances. And still, guys are paying for dinner because that's what dating lore says they should do. But then again, it says you should lay your jacket over puddles, too . . . uh.
Guys I've talked to say that they do genuinely like paying for girls' dinners because it's a nice thing to do, but that they like being treated every once in a while, too. Completely understandable.
To me, the bottom line is that falling in love and going broke shouldn't go hand in hand...and I don't think this is a "NO I WILL NOT LET YOU PAY BECAUSE I AM AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN GODDAMMIT" thing, just a "hey, I don't think the burden should fall on the guy every time - let me get this one" thing.
Get your guy's bill the next time it comes. Seriously.
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Comments (74)
i agree. i always offer to pay. if it's ridiculous and they still pay for me, i usually sneak them some cash. don't be rude. at least OFFER to pay for yourself.
why not just each pay for your own meal? hah. if the guy wants to pay im not going to stop him, he just wants to be nice and i've learned to let him. he wants to be the 'man' or do something good for his lady so i won't stop him. but i definitely will take him out another time MY treat. relationships should be equal.
sorry.
i think guys always should pay for the first date.
you needa take turns.
as a matter of fact, i paid last night.
AMEN.
I don't see what the big deal is about girls paying. Ignoring my inner feminist, I do think it's a really bratty thing to say that a guy isn't worth dating if he doesn't pay all the time. I mean come ON - the economy isn't looking so great right now so can you blame a person for not wanting to pay for the date every time? Sheesh.
We usually split the bill... or if he gets the bill this time, I'd get it the next. My bf is pretty poor, so I don't mind paying since I still live at home with my parents.
I think it's part of girls' attraction to men. I saw this poll that said women are most attracted to success, while men are most attracted to beauty. By paying for the meal, it kinda shows women that the man is capable of paying for her because he is successful.
I think it's polite for the person who asks to pay for the first date. Anything after that is fair game. But a person who asks for several dates and doesn't pay for any of them is pretty rude. Going dutch is fine, as well. I always offer to pay, even if the person I'm with - friend or not - isn't worth paying for.
we take turns because we're college students and we don't have so much money. It's being smart- I don't want him to go broke and I don't either.
I mean, relationships include working together.
@immaairheadxl@xanga - Even if the girl was the one to ask the guy out? I don't mean to be rude but that sounds like complete BS. If I ask a girl out I definately would pay for everything no questions asked but if she does the asking I think she should do the same.
@immaairheadxl@xanga - Even if the girl was the one to ask the guy out? I don't mean to be rude but that sounds like complete BS. If I ask a girl out I definately would pay for everything no questions asked but if she does the asking I think she should do the same.
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - That sounds completely true. Most guys are usually not angry when they have to pay for dinner and they never think that their partner is cheap for not paying. A guy would never think twice of asking his date to pay him back only if he's completely broke.
I usually pay for the bill, but alot of the girls generally like to split. Some of them even try to pay me back later and try to do sneaky things like hide the money in my glove compartment when I'm not looking.
@tigerclaw27@xanga - Hold on, hold on.
It's different when the girl asks. So before you assume and say it's complete BS..A real gentleman will STILL pay for the first date
Regardless of whom asked whom out.
I'm talking about First dates..not the following.
i got no idea...but i will let them pay if they want to...
It is all about helping each other out. If I happen to just recently receive a paycheck, then I just pay then one other can just handle the tipping and the next time he can just cook home dinner for me..especially during a recession.Â
As a ground rule, the guy paying for the first date seems wise. After that, the couple should probably talk about it and be honest about their feelings, rather than making assumptions (or trying to drop subtle hints--a mistake I have made before).
I think both should split it, or take turns.
And, I think most guys would be impressed if the girl paid on the first date. (:
Alrighty.
you make a very good point!
as for myself, sometimes my boyfriend will pay, sometimes i'll pay. usually we'll split the bill though, and we're both cool with it.
One reason why it's ok for men to pay is because they still earn more than women do, even for the same work. When times change and this inequity corrected, then men and women on dinner dates should split the bill or alternate in treating each other. But when one person earns more, that person should pay.
Women spend a lot of money on clothing and accessories and hair, fitness, etc., to look as beautiful as possible for the men. So they're actually already spending money on the men in a way that's not acknowledged in our culture.
Actually, I'm sick of paying the bill. Especially since I pay it half the time. I wouldn't care about paying it sometimes, but seriously..
My ex-boyfriend uses me paying the bill as an excuse to order half the shit on the menu. o.O
I love paying for him! I was never the type to take advantage of his money. 8 months into the relationship,I still don't feel comfortable having him spend money on me.It may be a weird thing to girls who are so used to being spoiled,but I can't stand it! I feel guilty.
So the main point is,I never mind paying for anything whenever we go out!
My friend always believed in "The Reach". I gotta tell you, nothing sucks the fun out of something like it being expected of me. That's why things are fun until they are your job. So when I'm fully 100% expected to pay, it sucks. I'm more then willing to, but when a girl makes the reach for her purse, I see that she recognizes and appreciates what I'm doing, and I'll gladly say, "Hey, don't worry about this. I got it!"
agreed! =]
i thought you were going to bash women who wanted guys to pay for them, but i actually do love what you have to say. for the most part, yeah, i want my bf to pay for dinner and most things. i also truly love to pay for him as well. he takes care of me and really wants to so i want to take care of him as well. most times he pays for dinner, and when we go out to like starbucks or jamba juice, i pay for his drinks, etc.