Tuesday, 17 March 2009
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Would You Stay If You Knew You Wouldn't Get Any?
If you were dating and in love with a virgin (and she was in love with you) and she told you she still wanted to wait until marriage before she had sex, would you wait for her? Or is it a stone-age concept that "normal" relationships don't follow?
If you promised to wait but found you couldn't, would you stay with her if she still refused to have sex?
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Comments (163)
Holy crap, no. Or whatever. If a girl doesn't want sex until she's married, or whatever, you are not supposed to stay with her. You could either cheat on her on leave her for a dirtier girl. Everyone knows it's all about sex. Duh.
who said i wouldn't? ;P hahaha sure i guess... if he was a virgin.. (though thats pretty rare to find sometimes)
i'm sure i'd could break that though .. . . =X hahahahha
For all you stupid people, that comment was sarcastic. Just a little.
Well, I'm not getting any either way, so I'm not gonna penalize her for it.
In general (other relationships), nobody really will. You're fucking mad if you think a relationship without sex is going to last.
this is definetly something I have been thinking about lately. I am a 18 year old virgin because of my religion. I am roman catholic and there is suppose to be no pre marital sex.
Now, before it used to be absolutely NOSEX until marriage. But, after some thinking and time in college lol Ive reconsidered and told myself that if i was in a steady relationship with someone who I knew was committed then I would have no problem with having sex.
But the problem is....you never know with someone and i dont think no matter how much time I would give it up...I just feel like its the ultimatee sin. I mean call me too religious or whatever but seriously....i feel like sex is place i really shouldnt go.
But then this worries me because like mentioned in this blog guys these days expect sex when their in a relationship....its a given now. And this puts me in a very hard position.
its finding the right guy with the same beliefs i guess
First of all, you have to test drive the car before you buy it.
Secondly the only reason people wait until marriage is because of religion, which itself is a horribly outdated stone age concept.
Sex is an essential part of any relationship, any marriage/couples counselor will confirm this.
There is one guy I would wait for. Anyone else, no.
No, you should leave her a find a whore instead.
On a serious note, a relationship without sex works - I mean, that is until they get married. You can't be selfish if he or she wants to wait until they get married. If you can't wait, might as well find someone else who would give it to you at the spot.
No brainer..duh.
Depends on the situation. But if I loved her maybe. Then again if I loved her and she loved me, why aren't we married?
It is one of those things that I would have to get to the point to make a decision. But if marriage plans weren't anything in the near future, even though we love each other then I would strongly consider ending things and be honest with her. Just out of sanctity of the relationship we have/had.
What if you wait, wait, wait... get hitched and find out that you have NO sexual chemistry what-so-ever? Then what??
You'll either spend the rest of your life in a passionless marriage, or you'll commit sin by getting a divorce.
So, presuming that God actually exists, along with Heaven and Hell... Which would God see as the bigger sin? The pre-marital sex or the divorce?
But then again, if they are both really virgins they don't have a frame of reference to judge good sex from bad....
Nawwwww I'd probably end up breaking her down or cheating on her.
I would stay if I had those feelings for my SO, and they were strong but I would imagine it would be difficult for a male. i can answer as a women but I think any guy wouldn't have a similiar agreement.
Ok. based on the question assuming I wuved the lady I would stay because its in the decision.
In reality, i have to know the girl before i wuv her so, most likely I would find out that I'm not getting some before I find out i wuv her. Therefore:
In reality I would be outie quickly when I see she is not providing loving quickly.
lol.
@kieri126@xanga - I understand, completely. I'm a 19 year old vigin. My boyfriend and I, of a year, want to wait until marriage, as well. We both are trying really hard to keep this promise, because we don't want to deal with the after effects, and the guilt that may result. (Plus, our religious beliefs. He's Roman Catholic, as you, and I'm Baptist.)
It's very difficult, and we have come really close at times, but we always catch ourselves. The best thing lately has been to not put ourselves in compromising situations, such as staying over at each other's houses when no one else is home..because then, what else is going to happen? It just kind of sets you up for it. We used to do this a lot, but now it happens less because it is really tempting for us, and we're trying to correct it.
The only time that I would consider sex is if I were on birth control, and we were engaged. But even though, that doesn't make too much sense, because if we waited that long, why not just wait until the wedding day? I'm still torn sometimes, but I try to remind myself of what's best for us.
I can't say how I'll stand in a few years, but this is where I stand right now.
hey, that was my attitude in hs and my then-bf still stuck around!
i think it's pointless to be with someone if you don't share fundamental values. i also think a lot more people than society seems to realize are making the choice to save sex for marriage (and not just because of religion) and it's not a stone age concept. to be fair, my husband and i both waited til we got married. and i'm glad we did.
if that person isn't worth commiting to for whatever reason regardless of the cost, then you should probably break up and look elsewhere. pretty much like i said to begin with, this seems to be the kind of thing a couple should agree on before they get too serious because differeing views on a matter like this can clearly wreck a relationship.
:)
@McCannSTL@xanga - honestly, this whole "sexual chemistry" thing isn't as much of an aloof mystery as people think. because if that kind of chemistry isn't there, i guarantee there are other areas in the relationship that aren't working, too, and should therefore throw up red flags against getting married in the first place. any relationship that fails does not do so just because of sex- there are ALWAYS other factors and usually it's just that the sexual side of the relationship highlights and manifests the other pre-existing issues.
you are right about them both being virgins and having no frame of reference, though. that's why i think it's important to date someone who feels the same way about it you do.
:)
I think waiting til marriage is awesome, but I'm a firm believer in "try it before you buy it" I also believe sex is 90% of a marriage, if the sex is not good the marriage will suffer. I say if wait til your engaged. If the sex is horrible you still have time to get out.
But to answer the question if you truly love the person, waiting shouldn't be an issue. If it is maybe the love isn't as strong as you thought? Give it time, if you can't go without then don't drag her along any longer.
@music_of_the_heart08@xanga - yesss im in the same problem. its like you want to wait...but if you already know that you have been with your boyfriend this long and you know he's committed why not just have sex?? but then again....i have waited this long why not wait until you're married...its a really tough situation and with media and other people around you saying shit like some of the guys have commented "you gotta test drive first...or whats more of a sin pre marital sex or divorce" im sorry but thats just plain ignorance and rude.
@McCannSTL@xanga - Im not saying sex isnt a major part in a relationship because believe me I believe it is too....and if it werent for my religion I would already be having sex. But, with all the other aspects of a relationship are you telling me that this is the deciding factor for you on whether or not you stay with your SO or not. So, youre telling me you would fall for this girl she is eveyrthing you have hoped for. sweet caring thoughful wholesome genuine true loyal compassionate loving spontaneous fun outgoing social and your family loves her but she was a virgin so she prob wont be good in bed....next one. to be thats shallow. if you dont build a relationship on basic love first and you just depend on the physical stuff to keep you two together. it aint gonna last.
@follow_home@xanga - tottallllyyy agree with you there are so many other fectors to a person that attracts you to them...if there isnt any sexual chemistry then there is something else going on in your relationship that is not right. the good sex is just the icing on the big cakeee. If you really love that person you will be patient and work things out and eventually your sex life can improve with healthy communication and understanding with eachothers needs and wants.
This is why marriages arent lasting these days because you have assholes who push girls into having sex telling them this is what is needed to stay in a relationhsip get married and everything else about the realtionship is shit. most marriages the dont work are sexual based. other then great sex what do the couples have in common. your partner ends up being just your object or thing that gives you sexual pleasure.
my boyfriend and i are both virgins and we're waiting until we're married for sex.
we;ve been dating for 2 years and everything is great.
and it's not like we're totally no-touch prudes; we do things, just not sex.
and it's working fine for us.
I work with 3 sets of couples who waited til they were married.
They are some of the most attractive people I've ever seen, in case any of you thought saving sex for marriage was only for ugly people.
I asked them about it. When in doubt ASK!
They said no sex. But they learned to explore and have good times in other ways.
So my answer is, if he was the cats meow, then yes I would wait for him.
@McCannSTL@xanga - "First of all, you have to test drive the car before you buy it. "
are you insinuating that that's what will draw you to marry a woman??? if you save yourself for marriage, and only have one life partner like it's originally supposed to be... you won't be able to compare her to "other cars" - therefore, you'll have the best car out there, theoritically speaking.
@kieri126@xanga - I asked you, a Roman Catholic, which was worse between pre-marital sex or divorce because I do not know the answer to this question. I don't think it's ignorant or rude, simply a question. Is there a rating system for sin? Is one sin worse than the other?
I think you are the ignorant one for saying "if it werent for my religion I would already be having sex." You're saying the fear of going to hell is the only thing keeping you from having sex, which I think is ignorance at it's best. Religion in and of itself is 100% based on ignorance.
I think NOT doing something because you're afraid of what MIGHT happen is a silly reason not to do anything. Do you have a problem with pre marital sex? Absolutely not you just said you'd be boning right now if it weren't for religion, but your God does.
Do what makes you happy and your God will forgive you for your sins, right? Couple of Hail Mary's and you're good to go...
Now as far as the relationship, all relationships should be built on basic love, trust and understanding first, I never disputed that. I know first hand that great sex alone is NOT enough to keep a relationship together, but I don't think any heterosexual relationship can be successful without satisfying sex. Once you've opened yourself (and your legs) up to the world of sex, your thoughts about it will change.
one of the reasons my high school boyfriend broke up with me was because i wouldn't ditch all my clothes. [shrug]
if you absolutely can't live without it, you have a problem.
if you believe for whatever reason you shouldn't do it until you're married, more power to you. there is decidedly less risk of disease and pregnancy, i suppose.
if you really loved someone, you wouldn't pressure them into something they weren't ready for either.