Tuesday, 17 March 2009
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He's Still Hung Up on His Ex - Should I Give Him a Chance?
A few weeks ago, I started hanging out with someone I work with. I really want to date him, and he's kind of even asked to date me kind...but he's still incredibly hung up on his ex. She cheated on him and is now apparently pregnant with someone else's kid. I think it might be his, but he claims he took a DNA test and he's not the father.It was a serious relationship, too. In fact, when I first met him which was back in February, they were still dating. Flash forward to a few months from now...after he found out she had cheated on him, they broke up and he now wants to try and date me.
I don't want to be a rebound, but I don't think he will ever get over her. But then again, he's not going to take her back after she cheated on him multiple times.
He's the first guy I've ever met who's treated me more decently than all the other men I've met. Most men I've met lately just want a piece of me and don't really want to get to know me. He seems like he wants to get to know me and be my friend, too.
I want to date him, but I don't like how he's still not over his ex...even though they are broken up, he still puts her first name and his last name together...yet he wants to try to date me at the same time.
Would you give someone a chance who does this? And if you've been in this situation before, what did you do?
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- From: whatsupyeh
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Comments (38)
"even though they are broken up, he still puts her first name and his last name together"
He definitely is still hung up over her dearie. Why be second best? You deserve better.
I'd give him more time to heal. Let him think things through with a clear conscience, he's confused right now because of the emotional cut his ex left him with. He has to deal with the pain a little bit so tha the can learn from his experiences. Otherwise he's just covering all this by jumping into another relationship. Healing on your own is hard, trust me...I'm still going through the healing process but in the end I'd rather be stronger independently before trying to be someone's gf again. I suggest that he do the same.
Give it some more time, he's obviously not ready just yet, and if you really want to go for him, tell him that you feel like you need to express how you feel about him and his ex, and flat out tell him you don't want to be a rebound.
No one should need to be second to an ex, thats just not okay.
Absolutely not. He is still way hung up on her. He may seem like he's a nice guy and he probably is. But still - this has rebound written all over it.
I wouldn't deal with the drama.
think of it as "will he give YOU a chance"
it's all or nothing girl x
Would you give someone a chance who does this?
A: Think of it as a challenge. You can try to make it seem like you're way better than she is. If he keeps moping about it after 2 weeks to a month, then set an ultimatum. If he's still hung up; leave him. Because if he's gonna mope around like this and she goes back to him, your ass gets left out in the cold.
no no no.
give him some time..
As everyone said, give him some time. I read once that it takes at least 1 month to get over someone for every year that you are together. I think it's more time than that, especially if one is really stuck on the ex.
IF you do try dating him (and I don't condone this), make sure you keep it very casual, don't get too involved, don't have sex, etc, until he has had plenty of time to heal.
How can he get a DNA test when the baby is not here yet? Is that even possible?
But no, never. I would never date a person who's not over his ex yet. I want him to give me 101% of himself to me and not only 95% whereas his mind is still lingering over his ex the last 5%. Plus, I don't want to listen to him rant about his ex to me. I mean, dude, I have a life too rather than listen to you rant and cry over your ex.
I once had an ex who I found out later in our relationship that he was not over his ex. He constantly talk about her breaking up with him and how hurt he was in the middle of our relationship. Out the door he went. If he wants to rant about her, go seek a counselor.
I think you should wait until this guy is completely over his ex. If he's not, apparently, he will talk about her and you may even have to deal with his ex's drama.
whoa. this totally sounds like me 3 years ago. It was a guy i worked with and his ex gf kept popping up (she lived 2 hours away, she's from his home town) and she got preg. but wanted him to take care of it even though it wasnt his child... i backed off for a while because it was hurting me too much to be around him if i wasnt going to be able to have him, two or so months later we hung out some more and we officically started dating and ive been with him now for almost 3 years....
Run. Quickly. If you date him, you'll only get hurt. Imagine, the first time you guys have sex, you'll be wondering if he'd rather be with her. What if you fell in love with him, and shortly after that his ex wants him back... it sounds like he would go back to her. Don't put yourself through that.
If you decide to go ahead with this I would go very slowly and carefully. Relationships with baggage can work out, but this guy brought along an entire barge and unless you think he's worth the work, then I'd suggest staying away from him romantically.
No I wouldn't and yes I have been in this situation. I was young and naive and thought, "oh he will love me soon enough and forget all about her." I was wrong, and you will be too if you date him right now.
Tell him he needs to get his ducks in a row and quit pining after his lying, cheating ex if he really wants to be with you.
There are other nice guys out there, for the record, ones with less baggage too.
I wouldn't date someone at this stage. :/ I'd say give him some time alone to figure out what he wants.
It seems to me like you're second best to him.
bad BaD BAD idea. stay away. you will ALWAYS resent that he's still in love with someone else while you're standing right in front of him. you said he's interested in being friends and getting to know one another- that's probably a good idea if you can resist the urge to take it further. but if he's so hung up on her i guarantee that asking you out is nothing better than a rebound for him- not that he's a jerk or anything, but he's obviously wounded and needs to take some time to be solo and heal.
best advice: take it VERY slowly, pursue nothing but a friendship for now and *maybe* see if it can go anywhere if/when he does get over his ex.
good luck.
:)
Give it some more time, he's obviously not ready just yet, and if you really want to go for him, tell him that you feel like you need to express how you feel about him and his ex, and flat out tell him you don't want to be a rebound.
nope, baggage ain't a good thing.
leave him and find someone new.... no girl would want a guy who has hella baggage... better find a guy who is drama -free.... chances r wen u get with dat guy... ur going to deal with drama and ur going to worried the fuck out of everything ...
Try just being friends with him for some time before you actually get into the whole dating thing. It would be much better for you to be his friend first and see how that goes before you go for anything else. Plus given enough time he might finally get to the point were you would not be just a rebound.
Other than giving him time, I think you also need to give him a lot of space to fully get over his ex before even THINKING about dating someone. YOU deserve to be happy too, dating isn't some charity or volunteering system where you feel altruistic about your actions because you're investing your emotions too! I'd suggest you go out, mingle and meet intelligent guys who will respect you for who you are and not just what you look like so they will treat you better than just "decent." Good luck
Be his freind and in time he will foret all about that girl and date you. If you think he is nice then go for it.
I would not give him the chance. be sure not to blame the girl, in a similar situation my ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend, yet he always calls me and tries to get back together. i feel bad for his girlfriend and i dont think its a good idea for you to be in the same situation. good luck
NO. I did it, and it sucked. She called all the time, and it pissed me off. He and I fought a lot, and it was always her fault. It was also just really difficult for me not to feel like a rebound, which sometimes made it difficult for me to just enjoy being with him. So overall, I'd say it's a pretty horrible idea. He may be the first guy you've met in a while that didn't totally suck, but that doesn't mean he's your last hope for romance. Don't settle for the first guy that comes your way just cuz no one else is in line yet.Â
@kor_girl@xanga - You said it. This guy has way too many issues to be getting into a relationship.