My BF recently got another job, but he doesn't really like this job. The hours are bad, there are no benefits, the environment is very uncomfortable. This is a
big HUGELY well-known company - he even feels this new job is "beneath" him.
So when I have time, I help him with his job search. For the past couple hours, he was sleeping, but during that time, I looked for jobs for him. I did background research to find out about the company and juggled some words around in his cover letter to suit each company. I've done job searches for myself before, and it takes a long time. In my BF's case, he has many jobs to choose from, from secretarial to cashier to customer service to supervising. I'm trying to help him, but even I'm behind because there are new jobs popping up all the time and I have MY OWN JOB!
I do have a fair amount of free time, though, and instead of trying to find more students, I'd rather help him first. I want him to get steady on his feet before I add to my own fire. I'm already stable and fill my extra time studying a new course - I just need to get more students. The way I see it is if he's successful, we're successful, so why not help him with his career?
He's brilliant. He can count better than the tellers at the bank. He can deal with customers in a more friendly way than most do over the phone. He can sell stuff like it's gold but CHEAP! but it's really hard getting a job because we have found out that the old adage is actually true: it's not what you know; it's who you know.
So I think it's fine that I put off my work so I can work on his. Right?
Recommend
Comments (22)
yeah, why not? i think it's really sweet of you to help him out like that =)
SoOoOoooo why he is sleep your doing his work..wow your going to be behind and he is going to be sucessful in the job u found for him...good job.
That's so awesome how much heart you have. Keep on helping him, but I wouldn't sacrifice too much of your own job just to help him out. I'm sure he would rather you be secure as well. If he's in Maryland I know one job at my place that he would definitely qualify for.
I don't think you're doing anything wrong. You say that you're stable, so it's probably a pretty safe bet that you'll be fine using your extra time to help him become stable.
I mean, if you were a girl with no job, searching for a job for the boyfriend instead of yourself - that'd be a different story.
But you're doing fine, so.
I think it's so wonderful of you to help him like this, but you might want to remember that you have to do your own thing, as well. If you do too much, you might sacrifice your job, and that will only add to the problems. Set some time aside for the job hunt, but don't give up something you need for something that can wait. Good luck to the both of you!
No. He's a big boy. Let him look for his own job. It sounds like he's being lazy--sleeping while you do all the work. Lame.
Help him out, but remember that he needs to be able to do this himself. So helping is good but just dont do the brunt of it.
I think it's really nice of you to help out, so the only thing that worries me is the fact that you're worried about it. Do you feel like he's not pulling his weight or that he relies on you too much to keep him afloat? If you do then that might indicate issues, but as you have put it, I really don't see any problem.
Good luck with the job search.
You sound like you really genuinely care about him, and as long as he appreciates your efforts, and you don't spend all of your time job hunting for him, it should be fine.
This reminds me of the "Selfishness and Selflessness In A Relationship" post.
It's great that you are taking the time and effort to look for a job for him but I think he should be a big boy and look for a job himself.
He can do it himself.
But if you help him, that's cool too.
Just don't make him completely dependent on you.
you can help him, but dont neglect yourself either
I think that's fine (I'm actually doing the same thing for my SO... using all of my connections to get him a job).
Just make sure HE is okay with it. Sometimes doing stuff like that can overstep their manly boundaries and emasculate them. So far so good. You have a huge heart to be working like that!
So I think it's fine that I put off my work so I can work on his. Right?
Sure. Don't get me wrong, he should be trying harder. However, it's a tough job market and you might understand how to look for jobs better than he can.
This may actually be a case of give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set him on fire instead, and he's warm for the rest of his life. If you want him to find a job, why not spend a day or something trying to help him help himself.
I offered to try and help my girlfriend find a job out of college by asking around to my various contacts and searching online, but she's stubborn and refused my help. I guess some people just want to do certain things for themselves. So as long as your boyfriend is cool with it, then by all means go ahead.
You're a very sweet girlfriend.
When I was out of work and desperate to get a new job, my boyfriend pitched suggestions on which places to apply. However, he didn't exactly help me look for jobs or recommend me to his boss. I wish he helped me out a bit more... but I guess he's not an expert and he's not an experienced worker so it wouldn't have helped much anyway.
Anyway, in your situation, there's nothing wrong with doing all you can do to help your boyfriend, but if it starts to interfere with your own work, then you have a problem. So be careful :)!
You are an awesome girlfriend!
you are a kind soul. too kind.
stick to your business, let your guy sort his stuff out and find a job worthy enough for him. maybe they'll give him a reality check with his first paycheck.
@Eternal_Nocturne@xanga - i had to reply yours cuz you hit the nail on the head! i DO know about job searching more cuz he hasn't had to search for a job for the past 8 years!!
Thats very nice really of you. But at the same time, some men just need some help u know getting him there...i would definitely do all i can but i make sure he appreciates what i m doing for him and doesn't think i am mommying him..:)
If you can see yourself forever helping him in ways big and little without expecting any form of reciprocation, I would say go ahead.
Likewise, if he can sleep on while you do all the hard work and yet not putting his foot down on this, he's just hanging around and letting you do the work. This might set the tone for the relationship in future.
A man will only be a man when he handles his own stuff. Let him figure it out instead of taking that joy away from him. Mommying is not attractive.
sure, as long as he doesn't become dependent on you