Miss OstrichI'm guilty of saying this. A year into our relationship, my ex decided he wanted dreadlocks. I was hesitant to support him at first; part of what made him so attractive to me was his mass of natural Shirley Temple curls. I didn't want to see them go, but I didn't argue at first. It was his hair, his decision.
I didn't realize how long and how much effort it takes for someone without coarse hair to make dreadlocks look nice. For a few months, he had uneven tubes of ratty hair sticking straight off of his head that he had to coat with special lotion and power everyday. My pillows were always covered in musty, baby powder smelling flakes when he slept over, and if I didn't wash my pillowcases right away, my face broke out with a few new pimples every morning. His hygiene went down, he showered less to keep his hair dry and tangled, and that dread powder stood out like dandruff. I became less and less attracted to him until one day I told him how I was feeling. After almost a year of maintenance, he wasn't giving up his hair so easily. We fought and finally I said, "That's it. It's either me or the dreads."
He didn't call my bluff. I didn't follow through with my warning, but a few months after the argument, I finally ended things, and the dreadlocks were only part of the reason. I probably would not have been so turned off if he had taken better care of them, but the last I heard, he still has them and seems happy.
Have you ever broken up with someone or threatened to because of their hair or vice versa? What would you do if you were in my or his situation?
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Comments (65)
Lol well if it got to the point where I was no longer attracted to the person because of their bad hygiene, I would end it. Who wants to date a person who smells and makes you break out in pimples?
Why would you date someone, if you can't handle a little bit of a change in their life? If it were overdone implants, I'd understand. But dreads? That's just nuts.
I'm with Gatorgirl on this one. I'm sure his dreads will be nice -eventually- but man. Dreads always look terrible at first. My boyfriend is not the cleanest of guys, but he has come a far way from how he used to be - only taking a shower once a week - TWICE if I was lucky.. but I stuck with him. We're over 4 years now and since living together he showers every 2 days - sooner than that if he sweats a lot during the day. It's the little perks that make life interesting. But if he just stopped showering all together and just let himself go - that would be the worst. Because when he sweats... I'm just glad he's not as bad as his younger, overweight brother who showers everyday but still smells like a garbage bin sitting out in the sun.
I wouldn't dump a guy because of his hair, that's silly.
should've just chopped it all off one day.
my ex had a faux hawk that i was in love with. we almost broke up because he shaved his head.. yes i mean bald. without telling me. and he threw a fit when i cut my hair... a trim. Later he promised hed grow it back.... then cut it again without growing it back. Almost broke up with him then, it was one time I saw him cry.
I know I was a bitch of a girlfriend at the time.
I think dreads are sexy, but that's gross he left debris on your pillow haha. I guess if he agreed to clean them every once in a while it woundn't be an issue so much? but i guess if you had other problems than whatever, the break up was for the best
Dreads are gross. They're just unwashed hair. Most people who have dreads seem to also have very bad hygiene, so... I'd probably hang out with them, but not date them. Definitely not share my pillows with them. Ew.
I never been in a situation, but damn he is nasty, i wouldnt want to be with someone like that...SUCH A TURN OFFFFFF. I comletly understand why u left him, just u talking about it made me sick to my stomach. he actually put these dreads over a shower and thats gross. he maybe happy but he is going to end up alone if he dont start taken care of himself or them nasty dreads. Nobody thinks nasty dreads are sexy at all...seriously ask around they find it gross. so either he takes care of them or he needs to cut that nest out.
I wouldn't leave someone for their hair, but if their hygiene went bad? If weird dandruff like stuff came out of their hair onto my pillowcases? If they refused to stop doing whatever they were doing to cause so much.. yuck? I'd be so frustrated that I wouldn't have much of a choice but to leave them.
Dreads are for black people. I don't understand little white boys getting them. They're interesting to look at, but obviously present problems in hygiene. I don't blame you.
P.S. I love the picture there (which I just noticed). It looks like Jesus or some other random Jewish man with dreads. makes me giggle
Dreads are cool. Have you seen the dreads on the singer of Shadows Fall? Those are crazy long. The singer from In Flames also has some cool dreads but not as crazy as the guy from Shadows Fall.
While its silly in general to break up with someone over something as simple as hair, I have to back you up. You said that the hair was getting so nasty that if you didn't wash the pillow cases you would wake up with pimples.
That's a hygiene problem (considering pimples are caused by bacteria. Ew!)
Its the same as not brushing your teeth as often. Its gross and while it may not exactly kill you, its fucking disgusting.
I'm surprised you stuck around for almost a year; I think dreads are disgusting beyond words and would dump the boy immediately.
I'm always attracted to male who had short and clean hair. They can either comb it or spike it up.
If I were him and I were maintaining my hair for a year, I wouldn't give up on them. If I were you and I just found him unattractive with others issues in our relationship, I think I might of done the same thing.
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - A joke... I hope?
@Schristian@xanga - Why do you hope?
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - Because what you said is not only incorrect... it's ignorant and makes no sense. How is any hairstyle "race specific"? That's why I'm hoping you were joking about that part. I agree dreads are unhygienic in ways (personally I think they're ugly on anyone); but there's nothing "racial specific" about them. It's hair.
@Schristian@xanga - They are much more accomodating to ethnically black (ie: wiry/curly) hair than white (ie: usually fine, thinner, and more straight) hair. It's much more unhygienic for white people because their scalps produce tons more oil than do blacks'- in fact, they have to PUT oil into their hair and limit how much they wash it, so that they don't dry it out and cause breakage.
I've seen dreads that work great for some people (whether they're black or not) and dreads that should be burned off! Also, my friend pointed out that there are specific products that work to clean them to a certain extent?
The point here is, if you're dating someone, you have to accept them as is. You can't change a person, but you could change their nasty habits. HOWEVER, I do agree with you on this one--your boyfriend's habit = bad hygiene, and he obviously isn't trying to change this habit any time soon, so you have every right to break things off with him. I'd do the same thing if I were you.
I don't blame ya, dreads are just nasty to me. At least now you can date someone with clean hair and good hygiene.
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - That doesn't equate to anything other than: White people just have to work on dread maintenance a little more than blacks. Hairstyles are not racially specific. No amount of "care necessity" will change that fact. It's not "for black people". It's just most commonly sported by black people, but can be pulled off by anyone with the right kind of hair and dedication.
When a person first gets dreads, they will look like crap. It takes months, and sometimes years for them to star looking decent. I am not sure what your boyfriend was using (probably wax ), and that is actually counterproductive to the dreading process. Maybe he should have done some more research instead of piling goo on his hair to make it look neat. Now, you can wash dreads EVERY SINGLE DAY. I wash mine every 2-3 days and shower daily. That's probably the biggest misconception about this hairstyle. Bad hygiene is inexcusable.
Dreads are not dirty hair stuck together. Many people wash theirs regularly and they smell nice. Clean hair knots faster and anyone who doesn't wash theirs regularly is doing a disservice to their hair.
@Schristian@xanga - Ok, Mr. PC. I meant that it's a hairstyle that goes best with African hair. I don't think white hair is well-suited to it.