Tuesday night, for the first time in ages, I was beat over the head with overt "interest" signals. But as flattering as it was - I love subtlety, but I'm not made of stone, damn it - it did nothing for me. This isn't meant to be a bragging session, so here's a quick summary:
- When she spotted me, she made a beeline toward me for the traditional salsa-club cheek kiss, then said she had been wanting to see me in the couple of months I hadn't been there.
- She later did a standing-up equivalent of a "call to spooning," backing into me in a very non-accidental way.
- A little later, she touched my tank-top areas and remarked on them.
- Again, this is not bragging. I'm totally aware that I'm nowhere near "built." I have the upper body of a toddler.
- Actually, I just noticed that I can clearly see my ribs through a polo layered over a dress shirt.
I usually don't get that kind of attention, so part of me says she deserves a Nobel or a Purple Heart. But I actually was kind of turned off.*
It's not that she is unattractive or unpleasant in any other way. And I wasn't turned off because her overt signals cheated whatever primal "hunter" urge supposedly is hard-wired into my brain. I'm still investigating it, but I have a theory: I think I was turned off by her approach because it was the opposite of my "approach."
"Approach" is in quotes for a reason. Usually, Girl X and I become really good friends through a mix of gab-a-thons and something like Scrabble. Then, out of nowhere, there's nudity. (As an ex told me, "Your game is that you have no game.")
I think I was turned off by the attention she gave me because it's so different from the type of attention I like to give. (Warning: Labored analogy ahead!) Consider this difference in approaches: Person A wonders whether the family across the street is at home, so he looks out a window to see whether their lights are on. But Person B goes across the street and sets the house on fire to see whether the family runs out. Both ways get the job done, but the family across the street might not like the arson.
So now I'm wondering whether my theory has legs. When you're being "hit on," how overt do you like it? And how does that compare to the way you put signals out there?
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* Guys, feel free to tell me that I'm insane.
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Comments (51)
I don't like to be hit on at all. Unless... it's someone I want to be hit on by. That rarely happens and I am usually severly turned off.
@Olyachka@xanga - I agree.
I know some guys are going way too far, and it just gives me a feeling of "creepy stalking guy is coming *runs*"
I don't mind people hitting on me, as long as they soon realize that I may not return the deed. However, if I like the person the same, I want that person to be up front and flirtatious at the same time.
I don't like having doubts.. and if I have a doubt you like me... I won't hit on you. I'm not going to waste time hitting on someone if, like the above poster said, they think I'm going to stalk them or something,
You're insane.
Haha j/k. This was really fun to read! I myself like subtle signals rather than overt signals. I guess a part of me would wonder if a girl that gives such overt signals does that with everyone, which would make the attention she's giving me seem less special.
Of course, I could be insane for thinking that =P
I prefer subtlety. It's nice to know I'm being hit on so I can respond in kind if I feel like it. But if it's too overt, I think, "hey! you're invading my space! I haven't even decided whether or not I want attention from you! Back off and let me decide if I like you before you smother me!"
I live in a digital world. I'd like my 1's and 0's even though I hate reading them.
(1=yes, 0=no ... if nobody understood my reference.)
As a girl, I like subtlety. But then again, I think it's because us girls are always inundated with blatant cat calls and overt aggression. It's a turn-off.
And what your ex said is true: the best game is no game.
Because us girls don't see it coming.
Don't get me wrong - flirting is nice and I'm all for it. But my definition of flirting differs from others, such as grabbing my ass, boobs, hips, arms, etc... is not a turn-on.
depending on my mood, i may or may not enjoy it. but one thing is for sure and that is that flirting's a lot more fun! i usually go out to have fun, not to hook up. only if i have that on my mind would i not mind that kind of behavior. it's flattering, but it's not fun!
ummm was she drunk? ;)
I'm very particular about the way I like to be hit on.
I don't like pick-up lines (did it hurt when you fell from heaven, you stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes, blah blah blah).
I'd prefer a guy to flirt and joke around with me for awhile. He should be subtle but to the point (no games, no pick-up lines).
Heh, i don't mind if the guy has manners, but if he's going to make lewd suggestions right off the bat, I'll let him dig himself a hole. Then I'll push him into it and walk off. You could say I'm kind of a bitch about that sort of thing. Really though, I just like to be charmed.
I like subtley too. I like the thrill of the chase, the months of sleepless nights spent agonising over whether she likes you or not. Blatent hit ons grow boring after the initial shock!
If you go for a night-out with your friends kinda thing, and this happen, I guess it's just part of the experience.
I personally don't really mind it, coz after all, it's complimentary. As long as you know what you are doing and nothing you will regret, just accept the compliment and move on.
Having Confidence is not a bad thing, nor is the thing that gives you the boost of confidence.
I'm a girl and I'm going to you that you're not insane.
We like to get hit on even if we are not the least bit interested in the person who is making the moves;we're just flattered.
I like honesty so a guy telling me he wants to get to know me better at the first meeting would be OK.... But I don't like being "hit on" in the sense of the whole player thing. I hate playing games and I really hate being played.
I really hate being hit on in such a way that everyone within a mile radius can tell. It's so annoying and embarrassing. I like it to be more subtle. But knowing me, I'd probably find a reason to discourage him for that as well. Haha. It's a hard world, I get it!
I like subtlety for the most part of it. I guess it depends on my mood :< .
When I'm in a happy mood, I'll usually flirt back, but when I'm not . . . I'll just give them a cold look and send him signals that I'm not into it. It depends on the person too.
I hate it when creepy guys hit on me.
I like being blatantly hit on, its an ego boost.
especially since I have a boyfriend, I don't want to be hit on all the time, and I'm not looking for subtle hints to build relationships with, but every now and again it makes me feel good about myself!
If it's someone I don't like, sorry, I'd see it as an a harassment.
Your "labored analogy" is totally inappropriate! Burn down a house, now you're damaging private property, be prepared for a heavy blow on your wallet.
I like it as blatant as they come. It's all a matter of perspective, though, so there's no real answer to this. You happen to be into girls who aren't so forward, then you'll find someone who's more introverted.
However, I don't see any issues with in-your-face kind of flirtation. It's a sure way of letting someone know how you feel. Sadly... I have lots to learn from that girl. :x
I'm not completely sure how to think about this but I think I might understand your analogy. I suppose when I'm being completely overt in my flirting, it shows the kind of guy I'm with and what I'm expecting out of it. So, if I'm being overt in my flirting with a guy I meet at a party, then I'm not really looking for much to come out of it. When a guy is overtly flirtatious with me, I expect nothing to come out of it (nothing as in just a flirt, nothing more, no substantial relationship after kind of thing??) That's why it's a turn off when it's blatant flirtation because I perceive it as something not worth-while, I suppose....? If that makes any sense....
I like it to be obvious that the guy might be in to me, but not so blatent. I like a chase.
Question: Are you gay?
@LiLbabeSwT@xanga - That's what happens all the time when it's someone you wouldn't like to be hit on, isn't it?
@topic: I can be pretty oblivious to being hit on, but as many people said, it just depends on the person, as long as it is not a very very obvious whore-ish type of hitting on someone. That probably turns me off even if I'd wanted that girl. (Then, on the other hand, that'd make me realize that I wouldn't want her, personality-wise)
I get hit on quite often. I just brush it off and I usually ignore it.
Just to correct you: The Purple Heart is not a prize/award given to just anyone. It's given to US military soldiers who were injured or killed in combat. Unless you were metaphorically speaking that you injured her heart or something....