So I'm into this guy, and he's been flirting with me since August of last year. We've been relatively close friends since 2006. Everything he's done with me has inched me closer to believing he's interested and makes me further interested as well. His actions have ranged from:
- Holding my hand
- Holding me from behind
- Texting me sweet things
- Telling me and other people how beautiful I am
- Taking me out and paying
- Just general flirting
I know what some of you are thinking. "Are you kidding me? The signs are right in front of your face". Yeah, story of my life. People tell me this all the time, but these actions aren't all there is to it.
He told me recently he stopped liking this girl three months ago. If he's been doing all these things with me but liked her all this time, then maybe he really isn't interested after all. He mentioned to his friend that he thinks gangster girls are sexy, and I am not one of those girls. And on his phone, he has my contact information labeled as "Bestfriend".
I realize that perhaps I should confess my feelings, but then the all popular statement of "I don't want to ruin what we have." is getting in my way. And by the way, no he hasn't pulled anything to try to get into my pants. At all. The closest he ever gets to touching me is hugging me to say hello and bye, and when he rarely holds my hand.
I don't understand. IS there a level where boys can just become so comfortable with a friend that it almost seems romantic, but ISN'T? Why would a boy act so intimate if these aren't his intentions?
I mean, I've seen things like this in a movie, but they always end up together. Does it happen in real life? Girls, I know some of you have been through similar situations. Please share. Boys, please tell me.
How can you tell the difference between a guy being INTERESTED in a girl, or just being extremely COMFORTABLE?
Recommend
Comments (64)
OH GEEZ .
I ALSO NEED TO KNOW.
WHY DOES THIS HAVE NO COMMENTS?
COME ON PEOPLE.
if you find out an answer, let me know.
im in a similar state. except, this boy is my ex. we went out but broke up for several reasons. afterwards we became really close and he now considers me his best friend. he currently has a girlfriend however, everytime he sees me he always gives me a really big hug. and its just, its not a just-friends hug. but he tells me theres nothing there. so im not sure. so i would like to know the answer to, "How can you tell the difference between a guy being INTERESTED in a girl, or just being extremely COMFORTABLE? "
He's interested and just might want to take it up a notch if he likes holding you from behind. But, I do some of those things (1, 2, 5) with my best friends and I'm not interested. This is one of those fine line things. He's probably interested, but odds are if you won't going to be dating, he don't mind kicking back in the friend zone.
Chance it or not, it's up to you.
I don't think you can "ruin" what you guys have by just asking him upfront what is his intention with you. He's giving you mixed signals and it's emotionally complicated. I mean, usually guys who are interested in me (more than a friend or best friend) let me know that they are interested in me and they would like to pursue something more with me rather than doing all the "physical" stuff such as holding hands, holding me from behind, flirting, etc. but still consider me as a "best friend."
That's just odd.
well i would ask him or bring up a scenario where you are little confused on what he does namely ( the things in the above) and wondering what he means of that cos it gets you a little confused on his actions - whether its dating or whether its just friendship. And, if its just friendship, then don't allow him to do it anymore, drop off the radar and test his reaction on what he is doing.
Thats something my best friend did and the guy is now her husband..:) i m not saying its a one stop fits all, but at least u are not confused and if seriously he isn't serious abt dating you then u can find other people who would be interested in dating and stop wasting time with this person.
I don't know of any "best friends" who aren't together and touch each other like that. Friends with benefits, maybe. My gay friend does that, but your friend isn't gay, so scratch that one.
If you guys are close, it shouldn't really bother either of you when the truth is out. Okay, it might be sort of awkward, but your friendship is probably strong enough to get past it. Tell him how you feel, and how he's sending you signals even sign language has never heard of.
"Best friend" relationships do happen in real life, but it depends on the couple involved. I think there is a point where guys are just comfortable with their female friends, but not so much that they'll hold them in an intimate fashion. Then again, it depends on where you live. Demography could be key. You also have to consider if he's a natural flirt with everyone. His flirting style might be different around you than around those that are of no romantic interest to him.
I guess the bottom line of this ridiculously long comment is: talk to him. Life is too short to play "what if" games. Good luck!
if he's your best friend the way he says he is, telling him you have feelings should not ruin the friendship. if he doesn't have feelings in return (which would strike me as odd), it might be awkward for about a month, but honestly, it goes away. it will go back to normal - or if it does change, you'll be able to be even MORE open about it.
my best guy friend and i are really open about if we like each other or not. we'll just ask. and we both have, on and off, wrong times. but right now i have a bf and he's single and we're just best friends. but we're REAL best friends, we can count on each other not leaving because someone has feelings. we make it work because we put our friendship first, and i can see this guy (from what you say) doing that no matter what happens.
so i say tell him. hopefully he's interested!
Personally, if i do all you've mentioned above I'm flirting. but thats just me.
cheers.
aww, i was in the same situation with my bestfriend before. i was REALLY into him but i couldnt tell if he felt the same waya bout me. he was incredibly sweet to me. , so sweet that the other girls who liked him got MAD jealous.
BUT as time went on (2 years i think) he never asked me out.
Eventually, i gave up and told him goodbye forever.
We didn't have any contact for a few months but now were friends again. not as close as before but definitely good enough.
maybe he's just flirty.
wow...yeah...that's wonderful...but...best friend??
Well, I don't really know, but just go with your feelings. If a romantic moment happen between you two. Go for it? You may disagree though >.<
I used to do all that stuff with my best friend in high school, except we were both girls so there was a bit more clarity in the emotional puddle. Of course, everyone still thought we were dating.
I'm not an expert, but here's my opinion, as a guy.
I think that guys who think of you as a good friend (or even a best friend) but don't necessarily "like" you in a girlfriend kind of way don't really know what they're doing. They do things like send sweet text messages and hold your hands, but that's because they feel comfortable enough around you to do so. I do think that holding you from behind is a little far for "best friends," but the rest of his actions are ones that he might be doing loosely. In other words, he's not really thinking about what he's doing and how his actions can be interpreted - or more simply, he assumes that you're okay with it. The latter is associated with a lack of resistance on your part.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that some guys don't really have that inhibition factor that tells them to differentiate between comfortable and flirtatious.
Ultimately, that leads to the delivery of mixed messages, and for you, you don't really know how to respond to that - which isn't your fault. Nevertheless, if you're confused, you should talk to him about it. If you are truly good friends - and if you really do like him - then you should be comfortable enough to bring up these kinds of topics.
Hope that helps. :)
Incidentally, if it does turn out that he likes you, he may be feeling a little resistant to telling you. He could be mentioning that he doesn't like a certain other girl anymore because he wants you to know that he's open for discussion. On the other hand, it might be a suggestion - in much the same way that you've interpreted it - that his actions aren't flirtatious. If the latter is true, then he may recently be realizing that the things he does to you (hold your hands, etc) is going too far.
As for his comment about gangster girls, I'd take that with a grain of salt. He could be trying to tell you that he wouldn't be interested in a relationship with you, but that's a fairly extrapolated interpretation to make. We'll leave that statement in the air.
Same thing happened to me in high school. Sounds like the same exact situation and everything, and then one day he started dating one of my friends and rarely talked to me anymore. It was the craziest, most heartbreaking thing ever. Don't set yourself up.
But, I do hope the best for you, maybe you should just come out and ask him. In my opinion just knowing the truth is better than wondering about what could be.
Come on, people. Sing it with me. You know the words.
Is it in his face (oh no, that's just his charm)
In his warm embrace? (Oh no, that's just his arm)
If you want to know
If he loves you so
It's in his kiss...
Does anyone to this day follow that advice?
And does a man want to take the liberty in writing a response tune to this?
I'm stumped when it comes to this.
I'd like to know also :D .
But we can't live forever, live's short. I say, take the chance. Tell him how you feel? And maybe, he'll feel the same way too.
Good luck (: .
its sounds right but...lets face it, boys are confusing as hell - they act all into something one minute and then act completely cold the next - you might have to tell him how u feel to know how he feels and risk 'that thing you have' i dunno, maybe other ppl have better suggestions! =\
Ten years ago, I would have said a definite and certain YES, he does feel the same way about you. But it's the 21st century, and many of us learn how to eat, breathe, and FLIRT straight from the womb.
Flirting has a 50% chance of = interest. 50%. Meaning he could or he couldn't.
I've had my share of experiences with a guy or two who have been my friends, but we had been so extremely comfortable with each other that we did the same thing. It gets to be routine, too: holding hands, laying his head on my lap, sleeping over his house, cuddling under the same blanket, watching movies together, meeting his family, hanging out with his family, etc. At one point, he wanted to move in with me.
Psychologically (I took several psych classes and so I feel I have the right to sound like a shrink, ha ha) I believe this has to do with the fact that you two are attracted to each other TO SOME EXTENT. He's definitely attracted to you, and you to him. BUT this does not = interest in dating. Again, I speak from experience--I myself might have been willing to go out with my guy friend if he had asked, but he didn't, and the line between friendship and dating eventually became blurred. I think it's safe to say we were both extremely confused
This guy, he's pretty much a boyfriend to you now... except he's not. Now, this COULD be that he wants to ask you out but hasn't had the chance yet, OR he is never going to ask you out. Either he does like you, or he wants a friend with certain benefits.
My advice is to draw the line between friendship and... blurred friendship. Honestly. You can do this by asking him out yourself, or not being as intimate with him. You will be glad you did!
@Prince_Babo@xanga - insightful. =)
oh my goodness. story of my life.
Honestly, I'm not sure what you should do, but I'm going to tell you what hapepend to me, and hopefully that helps you decide whether or not you want to tell him your feelings.
There's this boy that im extremely good friends with and have been since about 2006-7ish. I've liked him on and off since then but every time the signs have been negative. This past january he asked me to winter formal, then we hung out one-on-one on valentines day, and then yesterday we went to an amusement park together. Throughout the day, while waiting in line, walking, and sitting down, he'd put his arm around me. We were flirting more than usual. we even cuddled a bit too.
Then when the day was over, I decided to confess my feelings for him. His answer was that he doesn't want to date in high school, but if he did he'd date me. And he doesnt know if he likes me or not and isn't good with this kind of stuff.
I say you should tell him. Telling him will realive you of this emotional anxiety. If he really is your best friend, things shouldnt change between you two. Not to mention, you could eventually make him your boyfriend. Good luck!
I was in a situation similar to this. I was good friends with this guy, and I considered him to be my best friend. I really enjoyed hanging out with him and we always had good conversations. But this past year he started giving me mixed signals and making comments to me that made me think he wanted to date, like putting his arm around me or telling me that he really enjoys spending time with me. During this period he was also seeing another girl, which is what made all of his gestures so awkward for me. I finally confronted him about the mixed signals. I thought our friendship was gonna go down the tubes, but he asked me out a few weeks ago. i'm still seeing where this relationship will go, but i think it's best to confront or ask him about it cause at least then you'll have some closure. hopefully it'll turn out well!
Either he's flirting with you or he's gay.
And by the way ladies, its really not hard to tell if a guy likes you. Hell just being female is half of it right there! Is the guy single? That's another 15%.
My best friend and I do those things too. We definitely have no interest in each other whatsoever. He holds my hand, puts his hand on my waist, we even slept on the same bed for multiple times. Nothing happened. He tells me I'm a wonderful girl and we tell each other EVERYTHING. But then, we've known each other since we were 11...so I guess that's a little different...