Saturday, 14 March 2009

• Two Sites' Views on Friends with Benefits

  For the longest time I have been curious as to how two people generate a friends with benefits situation. You might ask, "Why? Are you looking to get into one?"  I must admit, I am curious what the experience is like, but I am not that type of person.  I can get into the type of person I am, but to stay on topic, how does one relationship of fuck buddies even start?
  
  I thought I would do some research on the internet to see what the internet had to offer.  Wikipedia had some interesting as well as entertaining definitions.  By far the most surprising article was found on CNN.com. Wikipedia defines friends with benefits (casual relationships) as:
  
  

  • an annotation used to describe the physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have a sexual relationship or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting a more formal romantic relationship as a goal. It is more than simple casual sex, which has little or no emotional element, and different from a one-night stand, as the relationship extends beyond a single sexual encounter. Related terms are friends with benefits and fuck buddies. There are significant gender and cultural differences in acceptance of and breadth of casual relationships, as well as in regrets about action/inaction in those relationships.

  • A casual relationship may be part time, or for a limited time, and may or may not be monogamous. The term encompasses friendships between people who enjoy each other's physical intimacy but do not aspire to be long-term, and may or may not involve parties who desire temporary relationships purely for hedonistic purposes. In each case, the relationship's dominance in the lives of those involved is being voluntarily limited, and there is usually a sense that the relationship is intended to endure only so long as both parties wish it to.

  • To the extent such relationship include casual sexual contact, the relationship is generally focused on fulfilling sexual rather than romantic or emotional needs.

  • Motives for casual relationships vary, and should be distinguished from casual sex, which is a specific type of casual relationship. Casual relationships sometimes include mutual support, affection and enjoyment, which underpin other forms of loving relationship.

  My favorite portion is when its described as may be "part time".  The way I perceive this is that it is similar to a job that has no real significance; the person just needs some extra income on the side!  Now I must agree with a lot of what Wikipedia had to offer, but my views on friends with benefits totally differs from the norm idea of FWB.
  
  The first difference I make is that friends with benefits pertains to some sexual, physical interaction beyond kissing.  Casual relationship, as I define it, is simply companionship and does not include anything sexual whatsoever.  Simply put, casual relationships are a tier below sexual activity, which includes spending a large time just in each other's company, hugging and possibly holding hands (not for extended periods of time).  In addition, there isn't any indication to acknowledge relationship driven holidays, important dates such as anniversaries, etc. 
  
  CNN.com chooses a different route altogether and the author of the article divulges tips in having a successful friends with benefits; go figure!?
  

  So here are some pitfalls to avoid:

  • Language: Yes, it helps if he speaks a foreign language you don't understand, but that's not what I'm talking about. Pronouns like us or we are to be avoided like an open sore and all talk of plans further into the future than an hour or two away is verboten.

  • Meals: Acceptable FWB dining situations include shared bowls of cocktail peanuts, late-night grilled cheese sandwiches, and fancy desserts. Meals to be avoided are breakfast, brunch, dinner, with a special get-out-of-jail free card for lunch.

  • Conversation: Questions any more probing than "what are you wearing?" and "when can we meet?" can get a little sticky. Your FWB doesn't want to hear about your crazy mom and you really don't want him to start yapping about his Ayn Rand fixation. Keep it light, keep it moving.

  • Socializing: He doesn't meet your friends, you don't meet his. That goes double for family members. The best thing about having a FWB is that he's your dirty little secret.

  Now, I find it amusing a leader in world news would provide such tips instead of writing an article more prevalent on human psyche on the topic.  Well regardless the reason, the article is out on the internet.
  
  As I have said before, I would share my views on the topic and my standpoint.  I have already distinguished the difference between casual relationships and friends with benefits, but how do I feel about it all?  Like I have said, I do find it curious as to the motions of a friends with benefits situation, especially the start of a relationship.  How do two people decide to be fuck buddies?  Are they in conversation about their relationship and they mutually decide?  Or is one actually wanting a romantic relationship while the other is not?  Then the conversation succumbs to fuck buddies?  After the confusion as to what the relationship is, is the first thing you do is have sex?  And is that pretty much the only thing the two really do with each other?  How do you end the friends with benefits situation, a pity fuck?  I'm really most / only curious as to the beginning of friends with benefits.
  
  I'm actually more of a prude and greedy when it comes to relationships.  I don't like being too loose with relationships and I really don't want to share someone I am in a relationship with.  A casual relationship I would not even categorize as dating or being GF/BF  .  However, I must say I think I am at a stage where I am about casual relationships, as I define it; general companionship.  Why?  Ask me in person.

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