Miss OstrichAfter one of my relationships fails, I tend to cleanse myself of anything that reminds me of them: presents, dried flowers, email address/AIM name/facebook/phone number. The most important thing to go, however, are mix CDs. I have a habit of connecting songs with certain events in life, most or all involving relationships, so when I'm going through a break-up, the last thing I need to hear is the song that was playing the first time we danced together, or the music we listened to the night he first told me he loved me. My iTunes gets gutted during these periods of getting over someone.
One CD, however, got past me.
A few weekends ago, I went home for a dentist appointment and picked apart my childhood closet for a book I wanted to bring back to school. Behind a few dozen empty gift bags and wrapping paper tubes was a stack of old CDs from middle and high school. Feeling nostalgic, I dug through them and uncovered Sum 41, Greenday, and yes, Spice Girls. Among the few burned, unlabeled CDs there was one with a bright blue Posted Note stuck to the front with the words, "For you, my darling." I had to listen to it. The first song was Led Zepplin's "Over the Hills and Far Away," and I immediately remembered that this was from my high school sweetheart. It was a rough break-up: he said he didn't think we could handle the distance (he was going to college and I was a senior in high school) despite being together for almost three years, but later I found out he actually had a girlfriend on the side while we were dating. Anyone else see the irony of him picking that as the first song for my CD?
Listening to the disc brought back memories of when we were together, but enough time has passed that nothing hurt. It was nice, actually, to remember the good times when I've been focusing on the bad for the past few years. It makes me wish I had kept the other CDs instead of breaking them in a post breakup upset rage...
What do you do with the stuff that reminds you of your ex after a breakup? Does music have the same memory trigger for you?
Recommend
Comments (22)
I just broke up a week ago with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. It was my decision so I don't feel any hate towards him. I did what I could to save him but in the end it was too much for me. But over these past years, he made me mix cd's, I made him, he bought me clothes, diamond earrings, gave me a promise ring, got me crystal penguins and the list goes on and on. I have to say, I have not touched any of them. I put down all the pictures of us in my room but that's it. I still wear his ring. I still wear his earrings. I still have the penguins on my desk. I have the mix cds but refuse to listen to any song he used to love or that we used to sing together. I still have his texts and a voicemail. I have let go of him but I love who we were and our memories so I have no intention of throwing away anything he gave me.
My last relationship however, the guy cheated on me and I threw most of his things away, I couldn't deal with it. So I guess it depends on the relationship, how it ended and how you still see the person in your head. I accept that he will always be a part of me so there's no reason to hide anything he has given me.
I feel you on this...I think everyone can relate as well. Eventually sometime during a relationship there HAS to be a handful of songs that were played at every special occassion during your time together. Mine is "My Boo" - Usher/Alica Keys, with my ex. I dont have any of the CD's she made me anymore, but whenever that song plays it definitely brings that nostalgic feeling back. I think it's a great way to remember the good times rather than the bad. But I have trashed just about everything that reminds me of her....it didn't end too well as you can imagine...I think it was a better way to just start fresh
I have the first mix CD my first love gave to me. I found when I went back home and it really takes me back. I cried a little bit. The breakup was definitely rough. It reminded how great it was and how deeply we really cared for each other. Some of the songs were about the distance between us. He lived 45 minutes away. The Beach Boys Wouldn't It Be Nice and Death Cab for Cutie I Will Follow You Into the Dark will never be the same for me again.
all my other ex's, I just throw most of the things away. I still have a gold necklace one gave me, I never wear it. Ohh and a stuffed panda an ex gave me. It brought me comfort when he broke my heart! Those two items bring me comfort in different ways.
i usually keep a little bit...i'm a packrat haha. sometimes i like to go back and look at things...personal history, you know? i keep it all in a little box.
i eventually forget who gave me what music anyway :P
(although most of the guys i've dated have had different basic tastes than me)
"My iTunes gets gutted during these periods of getting over someone."
sigh, thats so true.
I keep my ex's stuff in a box in a drawer. I don't really go back to look at it, but I don't wanna throw it away either.
If they're nice, I keep them. If not, I throw them out.
But it really depends what it is.
Some songs remind me of certain someones but that's all.
like branmac i'm a total packrat. i'm just a nostalgic guy, so i like running across things that remind me of the past because, well, i feel like i easily forget them otherwise. and songs, yes, they always trigger moments in my life for me.
Back in high school my ex introduced me to Blink 182 and the Sex Pistols. He even took me to my 1st rock concert, Blink 182! ^^ There's no way in hell I was gonna throw those cd's away. I guess I'm a materialistic bitch, but cd's and bought items from old ex's don't phase me much. If an ex bought me a bracelet I'd be like "oh...what's his face bought me this...IN OTHER NEWS..."lol it doesn't bother me.
A lot of my ex's introduced me to some good musical artists, so I'm thankful for that. But yeah...bring on the clothes and jewelry!!
i do too. most of the stuff i still have but some i dont have/throw away andetc
i feel EXACTLY the same way!! any song i hear brings me back to a certain memory
i still have some of the songs from a mixed cd my ex gave me on my ipod. some days i can listen to those songs and other days i have to skip it
i think this is a great way to keep memories in tact. i should try it. usually there is only one song that reminds me of a certain ex/or anyone actually and thats usually the song they've introduced me to that i liked. A whole cd would be even better. :)
Right?
It's the little shit that gets to you.
I strip down to my underwear, wrap a headband made out of rabbit fur and wheat around my head, and ignite a 10'x10' raging bonfire which I hurl charms, gifts, letters, and memories into while dancing and screaming at the top of my lungs into the night sky.
Seriously though, I usually keep stuff. It'll be good to show the kids one day or something like that. Plus it's good to keep your memories fresh. W/o them we're nothing but meat and bone.
I usually get rid of everything. I burn their pictures and sell/donate/throw out/store away most of the things they gave me. The only thing I haven't thrown away are some teddy bears one of my exes gave me, but I stored them away so I won't have to see them. (They were really nice so I didn't want to throw them out.) It's not so much destroying my past, because I always have my past with me, inside my memories. I just don't see the value in keeping things that remind you of people you no longer have anything to do with. I will always remember my past relationships, so I don't need any reminders. As for music, I choose not to listen to songs that remind me of them, or I say to myself that it's good song regardless of whether it reminds me of them or not.
My exs were too cheap to get me anything nice but spent tons on previous ex's. One even claimed that he felt bad cuz he didn't have the money to get me nice things. Problem: he was relying on unemployment money to live day to day and decided to call unemployment to bring in checks instead of finding a job. Because of how cheap the guys were, I can easily toss anything ever given to me, it was only a couple pens and a frame I saw at 99 cent store once. Flowers die and they get thrown away anyways.
well nothing really but his smses on my mobile phone close to 800 and i guess two of his ex gfs are also on my fb!!
It's kind of the opposite for me. I made a cd for my ex that had all the songs that made me think of him, as well as a song I wrote him. That song is really embarassing, so I'm kind of worried if he'll ever do anything with it haha
I can still listen to most of the songs, but there is one song I can NOT listen to. That damn "First Day of My Life" song by Bright Eyes. My ex is one of those pretentious art kids who refuses to like anything other people like because that just wouldn't be cool, which is pretty much the opposite of me (I really could not care less if I'm "original), and it just reminds me about how wrong we were for eachother. It doesn't really make me sad, it just makes me feel stupid for dating him and continuously talking with him for 7 months after he dumped me...
Oh, you live, you learn. :]
I like to have reminders of my ex-boyfriends. They were good relationships--but bad breakups. I have little things from each and every one of my major boyfriends. I have a big stuffed bear that T had given me on the last day of school. I have two weeks worth of letters from another T to make up for our winter break. I also have the two poems, two stuffed animals, ID card, Prom receipt, and the CD video that he made to ask me to Prom (and to celebrate our one-month) from H. Even though I had more things from H, he meant the most to me out of all of my ex-boyfriends. :). I know that I might do things that I'll regret, so I just put those things away for awhile so I don't have to see them. And then, I remember them months or years later and then I just take trips down Memory Lane and it doesn't inspire feelings or rage or bitterness... just reminiscent feelings.
Kindof, but none of my previous relationships have been long enough to really hurt when I hear those songs... It is a bit of a memory trip for some of those songs, though.
Like the album I listened to the entire summer in which I met and became best friends with my first boyfriend... That sort of thing.
I think it's only natural to cleanse things from your direct sight. The music is complicated though. I ran into that problem too. I find the music I really like at any given time is a reflection of my state of being at that time. So, some songs just will hit you out of nowhere with reminders of the past.
Time does heal all wounds, and the thing is...a good song is a good song. So if there's anything extra you get out of it, it's probably not a bad thing.
Before i was married and i was dating other ppl and we would break up usually me with them...I would put all of their things in a box. I can only recall one time that i gave a bf their stuff back once it was over . But once i got married i threw any letters and the box full of other guys stuff away. I didnt need it anymore