Friday, 13 March 2009
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Does a Rejected Proposal Have to Mean the End of the Relationship?
My friend's sister Marla was proposed to last Saturday. But she said no.
Not because she wasn't in love with the guy. Not because she doesn't ever want to get married to him or anyone. But because she genuinely wasn't ready to get married.
The facts were these: Marla and her boyfriend, Rich, are still in school. They live paycheck to paycheck because they can only work part-time. They don't have the money for a wedding or a place to live together or to have children. Okay, sure, they don't have to have children right away, but it's something that could easily happen by accident.
Marla wants the two of them to get married at a more stable time in their lives, which I assume is when they finish school and get jobs that pay better than the ones they have now. I think he's interning at an ad agency and she's a paralegal. Once they get their degrees (she's in law school, he's getting his master's in marketing), then it'd be a good time to get married.
So, anyway, Rich thought that this meant they were breaking up. But Marla told him that she does want to marry him, but she feels that accepting his proposal would put too much pressure on them to actually get married.
Then he makes some passing remark about wasting money on a ring and she's, like, "Of course, you don't have to buy another ring!" But he says he feels weird about using the same one twice. She doesn't understand and neither do I, for that matter.
Does a rejected proposal mean automatically that you're breaking up? If not, can the guy use the same ring for the second proposal?
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Comments (46)
Why dont they just stay engaged until they are ready for the wedding? If they both truly do plan on marrying each other.. someday.
It does not have to result in breaking up.
Although I do understand her point, I think it's perfectly acceptable to say that you will be marrying only after you will be able to support each other, but that you do plan on it.
The guy can use the same ring twice, but only if it's okay with him since it's obviously okay with her.
He's probably just feeling sour about the proposal, since in his mind she would have said yes. If he really cares about her, he'll eventually realize where she's coming from and hopefully will stay patient until it's the right time.
think positive, maybe it's just not a right time to ask. the other one is not ready for it yet. marriage is a commitment, take it seriously rather than haste decision
I would guess he doesn't want to use the same ring because it's going to remind him of his rejection the first time he used it.
I think it certainly does put a damper on things. suggest a promise ring which means they will wait for each other and the perfect time. and if he is so against the ring reusal then simply return or exchange it.. :)Â
KENDRA:)
No it doesn't mean it's the end.
I guess he was just upset because he was expecting her to say yes. Using the same ring doesn't make it as surprising. But I agree that he shouldn't have to spend money on a different ring.
I understand her situation. I went through the same thing...He asked, and my response was "I can't answer that question right now." He was still working on his degree and I was just starting law school. Neither of us was stable enough to think about settling down. I definitely didn't intend the rejected proposal to be a break-up.
It's not the end unless the guy only wants to marry because he's settling for that stage in his life...if that makes any sense. She already said she'd like to marry him, so there's really no reason to break up - unless he really doesn't like being rejected. He's probably just hurt, but I'm sure he'll get over it. They're in love, after all.
I'd go for a long engagement, but that's me. As far as pressure to get married - well, the more someone tries to pressure me to do something, the more stubborn I get. I'd probably prolong the already long engagement and elope, just out of spite.
I understand why she rejected but a rejected proposal don't mean an "automatically" break up afterward. It just depends on some and how their relationship is - let's say, if the female is happy the way things are and feel that they don't need to be committed..ever, then I can understand if the guy wants a break up because he's ready to be committed but he's not going to get it from her..ever. And yes, the guy can definitely use the same ring for the second proposal. I don't mind and I don't really care for an "engagement" ring. But that's just me. Shrugs.
id say yes but keep the wedding off until they were ready
but i def do not believe a rejected proposal means a breakup. it never should.
Rejected proposal doesn't automatically mean that you're breaking up. It's just not the right time. As to whether or not the ring can be used a second time depends on the couple. Some wouldn't mind while I'm sure there are those who do mind. Just communicate to find out what will work for you.
Does a rejected proposal mean automatically that you're breaking up? If
not, can the guy use the same ring for the second proposal?
not necessarily to the first, yes to the second.
Does a rejected proposal mean automatically that you're breaking up?
No it doesn't. But I hope your friend's sister explained in depth in regards to why it's a bad time.
If not, can the guy use the same ring for the second proposal?
I don't see why not. Unless the woman is some gold digger/attention whore who needs to prove to the world that she has an expensive ring. If two people are truly in love, all that superficial crap doesn't matter.
P.s. I think your friend's sister is really smart for rejecting at the moment. She and her boyfriend are clearly not ready for marriage yet! :)
no!...it's just not yet time...and why not use the same ring for 2nd time??...i don't see any problems here..
Maybe it's just me...but shouldn't you talk about this kind of stuff with your SO before you propose to them?Â
Anyway, I think that it doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship unless the reason for the rejection is that they want different things.Â
Can you reuse the same ring? I think it would be kind of weird...but to each their own.
I agree, if you are in a committed relationship you should talk about these things before hand. The situation sucks, now if he plans on proposing again it has to be better than the first! Doesn't every girl want to tell their kids how their daddy proposed to mommy?
this sounds like peyton and lucas... haha.
and if the person has a good reason (like this girl did) then that does not necessarily mean that the relationship is over. Hey, if you got other commitments and priorities.... then by all means stick with them.
and yeah the same ring twice would not be as exciting... I say just get a new ring lol.
Breaking up is never needed because someone isn't ready for that next step! Its totally okay to want to wait so long as the SO understands that. And as far as that ring goes, that ring was picked out specially, and it should be just as special the second time around. It is far more than okay, and in fact, if my guy got me a different ring, I'd be insulted. But then again, thats just me.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - I agree.
being rejected by someone u truly love is very painful, but the guy should have understand her gf's reasons why she did that..
Long engagement is a way better idea for them.
even when they are engaged people are probably going to keep asking her "When's the wedding?", "did you start your planning or anything?" and it will probably feel some pressure on her. Personally I don't think it's the end of it. She's trying to get the best results out of her life and his to better both of them like waiting til after college is done. With the stress from college (and im only going into my third year) it can be extremely hectic.
I don't see why he would have to get another ring. She probably really liked that ring too when he showed it to her.
She had a extremely good reason to why she should say no. I agree with her.
No but I think it may show that you are at a different stage in the relationship than your partner. Might want to talk this over for sure!
My bf was rejected by his ex but i think thats cause he was stupid about it. He knows he was lol