Friday, 13 March 2009

• That Fork in the Road

  This is a sequel to my last post: My First Job Interview.  I wrote my last post to show how a single event in our lives can affect us. I call these forks in the roads because these are turning points in our lives that can determine the direction where we are headed.  Like phantomFive mentioned in his comments,  "a lot of who we become in life is a result of our own choices," and I agree.  And at the same time I believe deeply that everything in life happens for a reason, no matter how negative it may seem at the time.  It is jerrywhoo who picked this up: the idea that something so seemingly negative at the time may turn out to be the best thing that has ever happened whether it be a missed connection, a relationship that didn't work out, or "failing" a job interview. 

  It has been over a decade since that first job interview, and to this day I feel I have been through many trials and tests just like it. I may not have always made the best decisions, but somehow, some way it all works out. A year later I applied again, in a different department, and I passed that interview with flying colours.  Somehow I found within myself this amazing feeling of confidence.  I felt the world was my oyster - all I had to do was stand tall, hold that smile and the job was mine - and it worked.  The department I worked in took me in - I was their "baby" - they called me that because I was the youngest.  It was one of the easiest jobs I've ever had in my life and I stayed on part-time until I had graduated from university.  In the interim I had worked other jobs, but I suppose you never forget your first.  It was all like a domino effect.  Because of that first job I got many others, and every experience in my life seemed to provide me the ability, confidence, and momentum to achieve bigger and better things. 

  Like I said before, some days I feel I have to pinch myself to see if it really is all a dream.  It sounds cheesy, but it's true.  Happiness seems to beget more happiness, and even though I have experienced some dark times in my life, I feel we all have the power within ourselves to conquer whatever it is that is holding us back.  Sometimes it is as simple as changing direction.  It is luxeandco who mentioned in her latest entry that when something is right it does not feel like a struggle, and to me, that is so true.  It's not that we don't have to work hard for what we deserve, but we have to trust our intuition more when it comes to doing the right thing for ourselves. Sometimes the biggest relief is in knowing that we have done our best and that's all - time to move on.  All the best things that have ever happened to me were never a struggle - they never felt forced. 

  I always tell people that sometimes it's okay to feel lost, and it's no reason to fret.  During my first year of university I never felt so lost in my life - my world seemed to turn upside down.  How does one go from being a straight A honours student to someone who was struggling to not get kicked out of university in her first semester?  It happened to me. I disappointed a lot of people that year, but that is also the year I realized that it wasn't so much about choosing the "right" major as much as figuring out what I didn't have to struggle for. I went from being an aspiring Chartered Accountant to an English Lit/Psychology major and the rest was history. 

  Throughout my life, a lot of people told me that I wasn't good enough.  They did this in a lot of ways, from calling me names to challenging my life's choices or questioning why I do the things I do.  It is never easy, but I feel I cannot explain myself to everyone. I shrug it off because not everyone will always understand you. It is hardest when your biggest opposition comes from the people who you love and care about, but in the end, it doesn't matter as long as you understand why you are doing what you are doing.  Even when you stumble or make a mistake, it is usually not the end of the world anyway - that's the way I see it.  People will always judge you, but ultimately, the only person you have to answer to is yourself. 

  I am not shy about telling people that the man who has changed my life had found me when I was fifteen.  He was the foreman that year in the department of that first job that I got. I suppose he noticed me somehow, and remembered me when I had graduated from university years later, when I had left some other job that I didn't love. He offered to help me, unconditionally, and I know for a fact that my life would somehow be very different if I didn't meet him, if I got that other job instead of my friend. Life is kinda funny that I way I suppose - how these tiny moments will affect your life forever, for better or worse, and honestly I think it's always for the better. 

   

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