Friday, 13 March 2009
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Five Guys That Have Turned Me Off of Dating
I gave up on dating after my last relationship. He broke my heart and I take responsibility for my role in the foolishness. I realized after we finally ended (it took us almost six months to break up), that I never wanted to give so much of myself to a man that wasn't my husband. So, I don't date. A man that wants to be with me will have to get creative in order to get next to me. And believe me, they DO get creative. Someone recently told me that I'm limiting myself by not dating. And I almost believed them until I was approached by…Man 1: "The I'll Wait for You" Dude
So this guy that I sort of know decided to test the waters with me. He knows that I am celibate and wanted to know just "how celibate" I am. This alone let me know that he wanted to hit and was seeing just how much work he would have put in to do it. So I humored him, and at the end of the conversation, he gave the old "I'll wait for you" speech and asked me if I was going to call him. Surely he doesn't think I'm that foolish; I mean, we barely knew each other and he'd already brought up sex. Next!
Man 2: “We Can Go Half” Dude
Now I don't know what the hell the kids are doing these days, but there is no "go half". Call me old-fashioned, but I believe that a man should pursue a woman. I don't pursue men. If you are trying to take me out, why on earth would you expect me to pay for my portion? I can take myself out to dinner, which is essentially what I am doing when I pay for half (read: my own dinner). No, you may not "take me out" and I am not taking you out. NEXT!
Man 3: "Late Night Creep" Dude
This guy calls you for the first time at 3 a.m. He wants to come over your place at all hours of the night, but never in the daytime. He is establishing you as a booty call. No, we are not going to talk after 11 p.m. and no, you may not come over here. And I am not going over there "to watch movies". Clearly, women are still falling for it, because I meet this guy quite often.
Man 4: "Baby Mama Drama" Dude
This guy casually mentions fathering a child or even multiple children. He complains about paying child support and fathering his children. He hates his baby mama and is probably still sleeping with her. But he gets an attitude when you don't want any part of his drama. I kind of like kids (sometimes) but I don't have any. I am a part of that 70% of women that didn't get pregnant before 20 years old. I like my childless life and don't feel bad about not dating men with children. And why would I want to date a man that admits to not taking care of his children? What would happen if I had a child with him? I'm a lot of things, but crazy is not one of them.
Man 5: "Touchy Feely" Dude
This guy JUST met you and can't keep his hands to himself. He is the guy that hugs you a little too long and a little too hard. He touches you while he talks and puts his face right up in yours. He gets so close that you know what he had for breakfast yesterday. For me, this will get you straight ignored. I don't care where I am or what I have on. It does not give any man license to put his beaters on me. Just because I am at the club does not mean that I want you to be all up on me. Walk up on me if you want to…
The sad part about all of this is that I met all of these men the same day. I don't know what it is, but I meet a lot of these types of guys. I have absolutely no incentive to date at this time. I don't want to befriend these men, let alone date them.
Now, before somebody comes up in here talking about "but you said there were good black men out there," yes, I did say that and I mean it. There are good black men out there. They just didn't approach me on that particular day! If you are waiting for the snappy conclusion, too bad. I have no solution at the current time. Until I come up with one, I remain OFF the market.
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- From: DemureHeart@xanga
- Name: DemureHeart
- About Me: I'm like an onion... ok I stole that line from Shrek but it does the trick. Read the blog and save us both the cliche quotes and such.
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Comments (61)
how are you going to find someone to marry without dating a little first?
granted, there is the let's-be-best-friends-until-we-both-realize-we're-madly-in-love-and-then-get-married approach...but that's difficult to come by in the best of times.
being single is fun though, so enjoy yourself until you decide to give the next good guy a chance :)
(being good platonic friends with someone for a long time platonic is a good idea too.)
more power to you :D
oh my, your list of guys are so typical of the men I meet too, its such a sad reality but so true.
You sound a little picky in regards to #2, but I guess the others would be annoying.
If those types of guys approach me, I wouldn't want to date them neither.
everyone has their flaws.
Good luck!
I have to say, I meet these guys all the time... it's a shame really...These are just 5 out of oh-so-many other types of losers out there! But good characterization of them!
I do have a problem with one of them: "Man 2: “We Can Go Half” Dude". I'm a bit of a feminist, and I don't agree that women should EXPECT men to do things for them (do all the pursuing, pay for everything), or else it would be fair for men to EXPECT things from us (physical stuff, dominance over us). It's sweet and thoughtful when guys do this, but I don't think women should just take it for granted.
#2 does seem a little bit picky and naive... especially in an age where women are making as much (if not more... like my fiancee currently) then men, it seems a little unfair.
Admittedly, if a guy asks you out then it is reasonable that he pays the majority if not all of the costs on that first date. After that, if you're both still interested then it would be reasonable to start splitting the costs.
Having standards is great, but set the bar too high and you're always going to be let down in one way or another - but in the case of numbers 1, 3, 4 and 5 you did well to steer clear of all of them.
Good luck!
if he's hot, man 5 wouldn't bother me...
You said you don't want to give that much of yourself to any man who's not your husband, but how will you ever find a husband if you're not "on the market." Just because you date a guy doesn't mean you have to let him have that much of you. Until you fall in love. But if you're not dating, that makes it difficult to find a man you WANT to give that much of yourself to.
@BranmacFeabhail@xanga - Sadly, it does seem hard to come by. Though that would be my preferred method. The idea of dating and the fact that when you meet someone who seems interesting, you have to rush things via calling your hangouts "dates", since you can't get to know them more before deciding whether or not you want to go for it... it's like, you have to start treating them as potential right away rather than being friends first and then confirming it later. Sucks.
Being single is more fun anyway. =P
hahaha...you humor me. =)
not dating before marriage is called corting.There are books on what corting is all about and how it can work to be amazing!
nothing wrong with paying for your own dinner. i think it's only fair.
Keep up the pickiness and something tells me you won't have to worry about sifting through guys anymore at all (except for, you know, the baby daddy stuff, that's pretty reasonable).
Also you just single-handedly curbstomped feministic gains with the second one, congrats.
@listen_to_The_Pixies@xanga - i don't see anything wrong with taking advantage of the double standards.
there's no way we will ever get rid of them, no matter what the feminist pundits (female and male) say.
if a guy wants to take me out to dinner, who am i to turn down a free meal?
also, it's a culture thing. in the South, if a guy asks a girl out to dinner, he's paying. (if the girl is uncomfortable with that, too bad, usually.) on the other hand, if it's the chick asking, she ought to pay. [shrug] if you're paying your half, you're just friends.
also, any reasonably attractive young lady can expect to be pursued by one or more fellows in her lifetime. the lack of desire to pursue someone herself may lower her chances, but in the end, that's her decision.
@BranmacFeabhail@xanga - I'm not trying to say that one SHOULD turn down a free meal because it's "not feministic" to do accept one, I'm trying to say that it's obnoxious to refuse to go out to dinner with someone if they ask you to pay half, especially in this economy. Indicating that they're not worth your time for a "real" date if they don't pay makes one appear to be somewhat materialistic, perhaps not unwarrentedly so. Maybe I mislabeled as non-feministic what is actually just bratty.
But again, like I said, if someone wants to take you out and pay the whole bill, great, go for it, ain't nothin' wrong with that. It's when it's demanded rather than genuinely appreciated that it makes me cringe.
I like touchy feely dude!
i've met with a few of those guys hahaha. hilarious
lol i agree with #5. i call them "violating hugs" since hugging is suppose to associated with being a nice gesture, but i feel the guy ends up using it as an opportunity to feel up on your rack. yeah me like no touchy either.
the dude i'm talking too...he's like # 5...but he's aight, so I guess I don't mind.
Haha omg this post was hilarious!!
You found a few assholes in the sea and are going to give up just like that? Look, don't get me wrong; I think it's awesome that you have standards that are reasonable and that you have some class, but by isolating yourself like that, you aren't going to find anybody. Take it from me, I've done that and it don't work. Nobody is going to care unless you get out there and make some moves to get noticeable by guys, right or wrong.
You found a few assholes in your dating life? So has damn near everybody else, but the point is to keep trying until you find that right person. Hit the rocks a few times, you will have to in order to get it right.
If you find a guy that doesn't fit into any of those catagories, let me know!