I started dating a guy recently. We had been seeing each other for about a month but we didn't officially start going out until about a week ago. I asked him if we could be "Facebook official" as well, meaning that it would say that we're in a relationship on our profiles. He didn't want to and he didn't say why. I was surprised.
I don't know many couples that don't put their status on Facebook. It worried me at first because I didn't know what that meant. Did he want to keep our relationship a secret?
I got upset and confronted him about it. He explained that he had dated a girl who is mentally unstable (she had tried to commit suicide years ago and is clinically depressed) and they were still friends on Facebook. He's worried that if she saw that he was in a relationship, it would send her over the edge. I understand his concern for this girl, but I don't think that her welfare is not his responsibility.
Am I being selfish or insensitive just because I want to be Facebook official? Do you post your marital status on social networking sites?
Recommend
Comments (182)
You know, Facebook and Myspace has a secret counter for the relationships it has ruined.
It has a seperate counter for the relationships ruined by photos, one for comments and messages, one for the status setting, AND DEFINITELY a very special one for the "Top Friends" issue.
Internet: 1
Relationships: 0
it shouldnt matter if it says you're in a relationship w/ that person you can just simply state "in a relationship" and just leave it at that. it's the same thing. having it "official" on facebook doesnt do anything than to let everyone know who you're dating. no big deal?
Why does it matter?
I don't see how this is even an issue.
Facebook is overrated.
I agree with @SupperMick@xanga, I think all social networking sites have a nice track record going on at complicating relationships. I actually saw something about that a few months ago.
But, really, as horrible as it may or may not sound, I don't think her welfare is his problem. If you two get more serious, what's she going to do when he gets married? Or is he going to hide that one to keep her healthy, too?
You two aren't that serious though, so eh.. I don't think you're being selfish though. If she's dumb enough to commit suicide over something like that, she'll just find something else to die over later on.
Perhaps you should wait awhile, until your relationship is more stable and until the girl has moved on more. It is being a little selfish, I can understand, but even more, it's best to be respectful and of his wishes.
@pillowpixies@xanga - No one is dumb to commit suicide, the state of mind that a person is then is not the best. Especially when she has a chemical imbalance, it's something that she can not control. And it's not the easiest thing to over come. It's ignorant to think so.
i know lots of serious couples who didn't put in a relationship with ___ on facebook. I mean people who admitted they are in love with each other. i guess i wouldve been upset too but it just depends on how comforable a person is putting it out there.
Are you listening to yourself? It is Facebook for god's sake. Seriously, stop checking it every few hours ..and that goes for Myspace as well. Since when do relationships and friendships depend on top friends/facebook status.
my roommate has been in a committed relationship for over four years and she has not put it on her facebook, even though she uses the site pretty often. i think facebook relationship status is pretty inconsequential and probably wouldn't have put my own status up if my sister hadn't been so insistent on it. just stop thinking of it as something so important and everyone can be happy.
i actually think it's very considerate of him to consider the special needs of his ex.
I think he made the suicide thing up...unless he's really that nice. Is he?
Did he introduce you to his friend?
Did he want to let friends (of both you and him), know you guys are dating?
It's just Facebook. Why does it even matter?
I personally prefer not to advertise my relationship status on facebook. Why should it matter so much and why does it matter so much to people? In your situation you asked and he declined with a logical reason. No biggie - end of story.
@awokenfatality@xanga - I'm very aware of that side of it. I've seen many people in that state of mind before. That doesn't change the fact that I'm going to think she'd be dumb to commit suicide because a guy that she was with once moved on.
i have been with my bf for 4 months, i don't even have my bf on my facebook (i added him but he hasn't accepted) and my marital status is still 'single'. i dont see the point of changing it for the world to see.
I was in the same situation. My bf, now husband wasn't willing to put the relationship status on facebook cuz his ex is kinda crazy... I thought he was being an asshole, and wanted him to put on just to show that he and his ex had drew the clear line.Â
After 9 months of good relationship, he put it up. And now we are married.Â
If you guys only be together for a month, you shouldn't rush into things. You should put up a single sign for yourself, and tell him that if you guys are working well for 6 months, both of you shall be in a relationship.Â
@pillowpixies@xanga - Well said. Crazy bitchy ex-gfs deserve that. Sometimes guys are just over -sensitive  of "hurting" the ex... The guys tend to think how crazy the ex-gf is in love with him, that feed his ego. In real life, the ex-gf is prob already with someone else. lol...
For goodness' sake...does it bother you THAT much? Focus on your ACTUAL relationship with this guy, not a stupid little status message.
As for the mentally unstable ex...she needs therapy if she can't handle the fact that your bf is seeing you. Not to be mean or anything, but she's responsible for her own actions. If she kills herself over a relationship status, it's not your boyfriend's fault. But your bf is just being considerate, I guess. Stop thinking about it and do something else.
@luckyjoy608@xanga - I have noticed that guys are like that, though until you said that it feeds their ego, I never actually knew why they done it.
@SupperMick@xanga - Hahahah. I completely agree.
And honestly, your boyfriend sounds a little arrogant assuming that he, solely, would drive a girl he dated to kill herself over his new relationship. But then again, maybe he DOES have that power. Who knows?
Either way, facebook is pretty insignificant. I don't understand why some people view networking sites as some sort of relationship symbolism. And besides, when a break up occurs, facebook announces it via your friends' home pages that you went from "in a relationship" to "single." Who wants that sort of memo displayed anyway? It's just extra baggage to deal with if things don't work out.
I leave mine as "it's complicated" all the time. it usually is for me. haha.
I also suspect that he may be lying about the ex girlfriend, but I really don't have enough info to make an informed decision. Just my first reaction. But I'm a pessimist, so don't take me too seriously :)
remember all your friends will know on fb when you break up too =)
I have some friends who refuse to put their real information, beyond their name and a network, on facebook or myspace. Their view is that facebook should be used as a way to stay in touch with someone, like email, and not as a way of informing friends of your life changes or any such thing. I would probably not post my relationship status on facebook because I just like to maintain some mystery with all of my friends and reveal the important information only when somehow asked about it so I can see reactions from people. My dream is to one day be able to tell a person that I am engaged and have them respond with something to the effect of "I didn't know you were in a relationship" and then watch them respond when I say something about having been dating the person for a a year or whatever.
It's JUST Facebook. Spend your time worrying about things that are actually important.
People put way too much emphasis on Facebook. It has become a social status. I ignore quite a few friend requests mostly because I don't want their status updates flooding my home page. I'd rather see the statuses of people I actually care about and consider true friends and family. There was one girl I knew from school who friended me multiple times because I kept ignoring her requests. Eventually, she sent me a message saying that she was hurt because she wanted to keep in touch with the class. How you interact with people on Facebook should have no bearing on your life's situation.
Don't pressure the poor guy. It's too trivial a matter to argue about.