Miss OstrichWomen are judged more harshly in relationships than men. If a girl complains that something is bothering her in the relationship, she's automatically labeled as being bitchy and too sensitive. With guys, if they bring up anything related to the relationship, they're also labeled as sensitive, but in the caring, loving, "awwww" sense.
This especially goes for young, unmarried couples with children. Though the stigma of sex and children before marriage in American society has subsided to the point where it's not taboo to speak about in public (see Brad and Angelina), girls are still looked down on and unfairly judged on their mothering abilities because of their age and marital status. No matter how many hours she spends loving and caring for the baby, after the tiniest complaint from her or one unhappy cry from the baby, people will automatically label her as a bad mother.
The father is given a free pass. He could not pay child support, abuse the mother, abuse himself, but if he is out in public playing with his child in a park, people will look and think, "Wow. What a great father." It's sad that the stereotypes still exist that men are not as nurturing as women and girls are expected to transform into breeding machines when they reach a certain age, and because of them, judgment is much more severe.
This, of course, is NOT true for all men. I know young fathers who devote their lives to their children and girlfriends, but then again, I also know a few who are terrible to the mothers and try to redeem themselves with toys and trips to the park the few weekends a month they're allowed to have the child. It's different depending on who you are and what kind of relationship you're in, but either way, the stereotype still looms overhead.
How do you feel about young couples with children? What is your first thought when you see a teenage couple out walking with a baby in a stroller?
What is your belief about having children before marriage?
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Comments (41)
not my problem.
I don't think its a good idea for people to have kids at such a young age. But really, its none of my business.
I wont label her a bad mom, but I'll definitely label her as someone who doesn't think things through. This might or might not be right but hey, I'm just being honest about what would pop into my head.
And yea, that label would go on the dad too.
We were the (married) teenage couple with the baby.
What other people do with their lives doesn't effect mine. I often reach out to young parents just to help them when they are just starting out in parenthood but beyond that, I'm too busy with my own life to worry about other people's.
I'd have to say I'm guilty for judging them, but my perception on this matter won't bend. Children shouldn't be having children. And even if the teen moms and dads are great parents, I still can't get past the fact that they were irresponsible.
Stereotypes are unfortunately always going to exist, and I have to admit that when I see young (read: teenage) mums about, I do think judgmental thoughts to myself - I often think that they should have been a lot more careful and responsible as quite often they are not in a position to care for the child.
I think part of the reason why the fathers quite often get a "free pass" is that they're not in the picture - they skedaddle as soon as they find out. It's a lot harder for mothers to shirk the responsibility that a child brings... as well as get the negative repercussions as a result.
I think that kids before marriage is inevitable, yet inadvisable. A strong dual-unit family is usually the best situation to raise a child.
Having children before marriage is something I would not personally recommend. We're young and have many aspirations in life. Having a child destroys the opportunity for those aspirations to take flight. I am not by any means saying that children are not a blessing, because they are. What I am trying to say is that having children should wait until people are older and have gone through school and are financially stable.
Having children young makes life more difficult than it needs to be and time that could be spent going to college is sacrificed to care for that child. Something that I have learned in life is that people should go to college, if they are planning to, while they are young and have the time and money and fewer obligations to do so. If we don't go while we are young, we're going to have a really hard time at it later when we have a family, work, and bills to pay. Later on in life, the time and the money is just not there to really devote to college and a degree. I love kids and I want some of my own someday, but right now I acknowledge the fact that college is one of the most important aspirations in my life and having a kid or two would put a damper on it. But let me say one more time that having kids should not be a hindrance, but rather a blessing.
I don't judge young parents. I think that a very high amount of teenagers have sex before marriage, and teenage parents are the few that ended up having to face that sort of consequence. And I think that instead of simple "taking care" of the problem, they're doing the responsible thing in owning up to what happened and taking care of the child. I respect people that decide to keep their children (and love them) or give them up for adoption over abortion very much.
WELL I AM A YOUNG TEENAGE MOM I HAD MY SON AT THE AGE OF 19. ME AND MY BABIES FATHER ARE ENGAGED AND HAVE OUR OWN PLACE. IM IN SCHOOL AND A STAY AT HOME MOM. HE WORKS AND PAYS BILL HE CHOOSE NOT TO ATTEND SCHOOL BEFOR OUR SON WAS EVEN THOUGT OF. I DONT REGRET MY SON AND I AM A GREAT MOTHER. I THINK AGE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT ITS ALL BASED ON MATURITY. I WOULDNT RECOMEND ANYONE HAVE KIDS WHO ARE NOT READY TO GIVE UP THE THOUGHT OF I FOR THE THOUGHTS OF MMY CHILD.
I have several friends who already have children (and they are the same age, just a few years older, or even younger than me and I'm 21). I generally don't think it about much. One of my close friends has a son who is almost 2, a single mother and she is still the same person I knew back in high school (personality wise, but she is mature). It's true that people are too quick to make assumptions and stereotypes, but it's only based off of what they see at that instance. If they were like me and my friend, they wouldn't be so quick to judge. Stereotypes exist because people have the ability to make up a conclusion about someone they don't even know based on the one or two actions they see them perform. It's the same with racism, sexism, height, weight, music taste, etc.
As for my thoughts on kids before marriage, they either have them or they don't. *shrugs*
I guess i see it a little differently than a lot of people would. I, first of all, worry about the baby or child. If they look like they are well provided for, all worry goes away. BUT
I am the adopted child of a couple who were 17 and 18 years old when I was born. They knew they could not give me the life they felt I deserved, and put me up for adoption to be with my family. I could not be more thankful for their selflessness in giving me the life that they did.
Watching a girl I went to cosmetology school with lock her daughter in the house while she smoked cigarettes and drank beer with her friends was heartbreaking. It is girls like her that give young mothers a bad name. I know wonderful dedicated young women who are phenomenal moms.
Just like any parent, there are good parents, and um.. not so good... Age is not a factor. I guess I could write an entire post on this... whew
I'm 22 years old and I've been out of high school for 5 years now and I know a handful of my old classmates who had kids that were unplanned. The ones that got pregnant had to dropout of college. Some are not with the baby's father anymore. The stories that they tell me are heartbreaking. One girl's kid asks who her father is all the time. What really sucks is that the kid's father wants nothing to do with the kid, he just pays child support. What do you even say to the kid?
I admit I think it would suck if I had a kid right now just because I am selfish and live a care-free life right now. I RESPECT young parents out there raising their kid.
To each their own.
Yesss - - I mean sometimes. Everybody is always talking about people having children at such a young age & shit. My friend gets called a hoe all the time & she had her daughter when she was 18. I mean its young but, not really since these days the females that are spitting out kids are even younger than that. I just find it fucked up.
How do you feel about young couples with children?
eh, your choice. i'd rather travel.
What is your first
thought when you see a teenage couple out walking with a baby in a
stroller?
pity. the parents probably won't stick together too long or go to college because they'll be too busy with working two jobs to pay rent and the babysitter. granted, not every teenage couple with a kid ends up like this, but look at the statistics. how many single mothers/father are there? how many deadbeats or drug addicts?
What is your belief about having children before marriage?
if you want the kid, that's your prerogative but make sure you can support it and that you want to (so you don't end up resenting the offspring when you're 40 and want a motorbike.); being in a committed relationship helps. look at johnny depp and vanessa paradisi-- if hollywood can do it, you can too (having millions of dollars at your disposal certainly helps though).
Since I'm 16... I think it's ridiculous for teens to have kids. Not even that, but I don't think anyone should have kids until they're out of college, have a job, have a house, are married, and are stable. THEN, you can have a kid.
Sure, there are mistakes. I'm not against sex before marriage, but kids before marriage? Yeah.
When I see teenagers with kids, my first thought is literally "how ghetto." Sure, it's bad. But look at Bristol Palin. It disgusts me. Honestly, like someone said in their comment before, I do look at them and think "what a ho." What's sad is that teenage parents probably have no means to support the kid, and they will probably break up/divorce in the long run.
sadly i'm guilty in judging them also >.<
oh yes.yes.yes.yesyes.eyseysyes
OF COURSE THEY ARE JUDGED.
it's even in your title. YOUNG.
hahahhaha. man, for all i know, if i was to get preggo.
my ass is being DISOWNED.
I don't say anything. It's not my business.
It is a shame seeing babies have babies..
Especially if they can't financially support their child
I was married when I got pregnant with my first, but I was only 20. Now, I'm 22 and have 2 kids. I don't think that teenagers can't take care of children, I just think they shouldn't have to. It's sad to see people who should still be living with their parents and being kids having to be the grown ups. But then again, for some of them, being at home with their parents still makes them have to be the grown ups. So...as long as they are mature enough and able to do the necessary things to take care of a child, it's fine by me. But no child should have to suffer because of their parents--and that doesn't matter on the parents' ages.
I don't judge a young mother because he baby is crying or she is frustrated with it. I understand that even the best moms gets pushed to their limit and want to cry themselves, and that even good babies/kids can be brats at times.
I don't judge a young couple or single mom simply because they/she has a baby. I do however judge if the baby isn't taken care of, if they couple/mom doesn't seem to have the baby's best interest at heart and if they are TOO young or have more than one before getting their lives together. Just because they had one already doesn't mean they should continue to have them before they are ready.
So yeah, maybe I do judge, but within reason.
My sister had a baby as a teenager so I know what she went through.
Children are a blessing. And althought it makes it harder for the child and the parents if the mother and father are not married before hand at least they chose to keep the child.
I have a friend who had an abortion at a young age (19 when she was pregnant, 20 when she got the abortion) and she told me that every time she sees a young couple together she cringes inside wondering if she could have made it work.
It is hard I am sure. And I would never want to be in that position. But I think that some people are just overly critical and judge far too quickly. I mean, you never know what that couple had to go throgh! You wouldn't know if they are whore-ish or if they are just madly in love at a young age.
my mom & dad conceived me wen they wer 15 & 16yrz old my chylhood sukd royaly wen i see teenz pushin strollerz i wanna bitchslap em reel gud but then ive also known teenz whove made reel gud parentz so i withhold the slaps & try not to judge
Young couples or unmarried couples with kids are becoming more popular and I certainly don't have a problem with that.
I don't believe age has anything in the world to do with parenting skills.
One doesn't turn 23 (or whatever age you feel is child-rearing age) and automatically have the skills to nurture a child. It doesn't work that way.
It is completely situational, in my opinion.
There are some teenagers who would make better parents than some 30 year olds ever would.
It is not for me though. I hope to have my batchelors before I have a kiddo of my own.
@BranmacFeabhail@xanga - amen to traveling!