I don't talk about my past relationships often, but because of a conversation I had with a friend on Facebook, I've come to a really disturbing, pride breaking revelation about myself and why most of my relationships don't last....
....it's me.
It HAS to be. There really isn't a real reason as to why someone wouldn't want THIS *cue "I'm too sexy" music*
But seriously, from this conversation, I've realized that my relationships don't last longer than three years, and they end right when I'm about to make a major transition in my life, and they end the EXACT SAME WAY!
Proof #1:
In high school, I was dating this guy for three years. All was good, we never argued; we'd had a few diagreements, but all was well most of the time. College application time came around, we discussed applying to the same schools and being with each other for a long time. Around October, we decided to call it quits because of the directions our lives were going in, etc. Come to find out later on, he was secretly developing a relationship with another girl, and that the whole discussion about our lives was merely a scapegoat. He was with her the next day after we broke up.
Proof #2:
I was dating a guy in college for three years. Most of the time our relationship was nice; we had some arguments, patched things up, kept it pushing. Once again, grad school application time came around; I had discussed moving to another state to attend school, and I had heavily considered taking him with me because I wanted us to be together. Around April, we just kind of separated, had no real closure about the end of the relationship, but we both understood it was over. Come to find out, he too had a secret relationship with another lady (and he's still with her today)
See the trend?
True
Comments (48)
well my relationships don't last that long, 3 months in general. My longest was 4 yrs. I believe there was some part of the relationship where he wasn't treating u right or some part where u denied that he wasn't treating u as well. Prob u do need to reflect which part was that and do better for the next.
Gd luck.
Not you, just the guys you choose where crappy and didnt have the balls to be upfront with you, it happens.
Since these guys were secretly having another relationship behind your back, it's not entirely your fault why things ended between the two of you. Obviously, these guys have their own commitment issues to one woman. I think instead of "planning" to be with each other for a long period of time or attending the same school and so forth.., just go with the flow. See where the relationship takes you.
Umm... that's two relationships. And a big change isn't something you cause, lol. The guys just clearly weren't good enough for you.
Alas! What worries me is that it almost sounds like you are saying these unfortunate happenings were somehow your fault. If it's "you," it seems like it is due to your choice in guys. No girl forces a guy through some subtle aspect of her personality to form a secret relationship and/or cheat on her.
If there were problems, they should have discussed it with you. It's hard to sum up that many years of relationship. But if these guys couldn't take a change in your life, they were not the kind you would want to have around for the long haul, because change is a part of life. Perhaps your only flaw is picking guys who just aren't committed long term, and it can be hard to judge ahead of time. Three years is a long time, actually. Even pretty, savvy, intelligent girls (or guys) sometimes land with people who screw them over, and sometimes the same thing happens more than once. That does not mean they have some scary, hidden character flaw that drives these significant others to do bad things! I would say don't blame the victim (in this case, yourself)! It doesn't seem right to insinuate that you could unwittingly bring cheating upon yourself. Sorry these guys wasted so much of your time. It can happen to anyone. Really, I think it can. I wish you better luck next time!
You are not the only person has problems in relationship, but I don't think you should be discourage just because those guys are jerks. You should be glad to find out they have other ambitions so that you don't waste more time on them. We will move along and find the right guy.
Ooo hunnay we need to talk! Our lives are sounding way too parallel at the moment!
Or maybe the two guys you dated happened to be part of the same douchebag family tree. It's not necessarily you.
I don't think the problem is entirely with you or is with you. Do not blame yourself for your failed relationships. You didn't want to end it that way. You don't deserve someone like them. The right man will come at the right time. Keep hoping. :)
I'd say, at your age, getting a relationship to last three years is quite impressive. If it ends after such a long time, it's not necessarily your fault or his, it could just be because you've both changed after 3 years. If your relationships tend to last three months when you desire something more long-term, then you can start wondering what you're doing wrong.
looks like you're also a serious monogamist.
Two isn't a trend. If the pattern continues for three or more times, then sure, you may be onto something.
Maybe you just pick crappy guys?
Yea, I have to agree with what a lot of the other commenters have said. Sucky coincidence, but I don't think it should be consider a trend just yet. Maybe you should try mixing it up and dating a guy really different from those two previous fellas. If the same thing still happens, then there may be something up.
It was not you! It was most likely you two combined that made the relationship not move forward. People date and move on. It would have to end somewhere if you two never thought of marrying each other after 3 years of being together. Sometimes relationships just dwindle down.
I don't think it's a trend or that you did anything wrong; you sound like you were committed and communicative with your exes. Your exes are the ones that sound horrible!
But I also agree with @missleshya about how maybe the guy was mistreating you (hard to say based on the lack of facts) and you didn't notice, were in denial, or whatnot. Then again, some people who cheat are absolutely brilliant at hiding the evidence...
What i wannna kno is, how did this facebook friend convince you that it was your fault and that its a trend? Two in a row hardly makes it a trend. And obviously both guys were cheating, which means it wasnt your fault. They cheated. Not you. They were just to weak to face you about it.
3 times is a trend. two times is a coincidence. ;)
I have to agree with what everyone is saying.. It's not your fault. 2 similar relationships that end in similar ways doesn't mean it's going to happen in the future. cheating is unacceptable so don't make excuses for how those guys treated you. you deserve better.
I hate arguing and arguments, it's not good to make conflict where there is none, but if one doesn't push the other sometimes to see where their interests and values lie, the relationship doesn't progress much. maybe it's not you though dear, maybe they just didn't have the balls to tell you the truth. <3
doesn't seem like you... seems like the guys' problem. and you can't really draw a significant conclusion from two instances imo
Wait, so what does that have to do with you? Other than the fact that you are picking guys who aren't ready to commit to you?
omg, that sucks.. but the problem isn't you... the guys suck for being cheaters =T they're just not mature enough to handle a healthy strong relationship with you. boys are st00pid :(
i say this cuz i'm like.. in your shoes too XD
guess you weren't putting out enough?
Tough break.