Tuesday, 10 March 2009

  • I Dropped My Preconceptions of The Perfect Girl and Found Love

    Before I met the girl I'm with now, I loaded my mind with preconceptions about the kind of girl I wanted to date. In my early high school days, I was a "scene kid" and, like most scene kids, I wanted to date a scene girl. She had to listen to my music, wear the same kind of clothes and go to shows/concerts/whatnot. I wanted the girl I dated to have a certain kind of hair, a certain kind of style, a certain kind of everything.

    Well, it's safe to say that I liked/almost dated/dated over eight girls because of my search for the perfect girl. Because of these preconceptions, I had no idea that behind the gratuitous amounts of eyeliner and Underoath band tee, they were liars, cheaters and rotten people in general. I was cheated on twice, lied to by all of them and left in the dust for other boys with the same ideas as mine. They would eventually be lied to, cheated on, and become victims of the same woes.

    By the eighth girl, I had finally realized what I was doing. I was loading my mind with skin-deep tastes that I thought would bring me happiness and love. In the end, I realized that I never loved and had never been loved beyond a certain point, and I wouldn't ever be loved until I dropped the preconceptions.

    It's a possibility that that moment of revelation was one of the best moments of my life and saved me years of heartbreak.  Soon after the breakup with the 10thish girl (not girlfriend, but one that I liked/almost dated/dated), I forgot the idea of preconceptions. I opened my mind that maybe Bullet for my Valentine and Alesana weren't the only bands out there. I realized that people who didn't listen to scene music weren't closed minded fools.

    Without the fog of preconceptions, I found a girl that I had noticed before, but was scared away by her mystery and, of course, her policeman dad! The first time I noticed her, she didn't have "the scene look" and I quickly whisked her off my list. But with my new outlook, I re-found her at the end of 11th grade. I took the time to get to know her, to become friends with her. I didn't know what would happen, where things would go, or if they would go anywhere at all. I wanted to risk my heart instead of playing it safe with preconceived notions of girls that I knew would date me.

    Once I befriended her, I realized that I had found the most wonderful person I had ever met. She didn't listen to any of my music. She wasn't in band. She didn't go to shows, she didn't wear eyeliner. In fact, many people saw her as plain, but I saw her as all colors of the rainbow.

    I shaved my emo hair off for H. I got rid of everything that was a part of a closed-minded life of short, bad relationships. I listened to pop music with H - never seriously, but I did it. I learned to love beneath the skin, all the way through the heart and deep down into the soul.

    It's been two years since I wrangled myself a keeper, and I found myself a girl I could stay with for longer than six months, which was the longest relationship I'd been in before. We've grown together, which is much more than I can say for any other girl I had ever been interested in. I've learned to love, to hug, to listen, to talk, and to be all I can be without the need for music or style to cover up my faults.

    It's been 2 years, and H and myself are on the fast track to getting engaged.

    If there's anyone who reads this that has preconceptions, lose them. They take the blinders off of life and show you what's really out there.

    And, if you're lucky like me, you might find what you had been looking for the whole time.

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  • harmonyminusmelody@xanga
    • From: harmonyminusmelody@xanga
    • Name: Evan
    • About Me: in reference to my username, i have been since acquainted with my melody and we shout to the heavens our concordant song of life and love. i am a lover, a God-fearer, a space enthusiast, an aerospace engineer in-training, a writer, a gamer. i am lazy, opinionated, overweight, overbearing, and full of myself, but honestly, WHO ISN'T?!? at least i can say i'm not full of YOURSELF.
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