Tuesday, 10 March 2009
-
I Dropped My Preconceptions of The Perfect Girl and Found Love
Before I met the girl I'm with now, I loaded my mind with preconceptions about the kind of girl I wanted to date. In my early high school days, I was a "scene kid" and, like most scene kids, I wanted to date a scene girl. She had to listen to my music, wear the same kind of clothes and go to shows/concerts/whatnot. I wanted the girl I dated to have a certain kind of hair, a certain kind of style, a certain kind of everything.Well, it's safe to say that I liked/almost dated/dated over eight girls because of my search for the perfect girl. Because of these preconceptions, I had no idea that behind the gratuitous amounts of eyeliner and Underoath band tee, they were liars, cheaters and rotten people in general. I was cheated on twice, lied to by all of them and left in the dust for other boys with the same ideas as mine. They would eventually be lied to, cheated on, and become victims of the same woes.
By the eighth girl, I had finally realized what I was doing. I was loading my mind with skin-deep tastes that I thought would bring me happiness and love. In the end, I realized that I never loved and had never been loved beyond a certain point, and I wouldn't ever be loved until I dropped the preconceptions.
It's a possibility that that moment of revelation was one of the best moments of my life and saved me years of heartbreak. Soon after the breakup with the 10thish girl (not girlfriend, but one that I liked/almost dated/dated), I forgot the idea of preconceptions. I opened my mind that maybe Bullet for my Valentine and Alesana weren't the only bands out there. I realized that people who didn't listen to scene music weren't closed minded fools.
Without the fog of preconceptions, I found a girl that I had noticed before, but was scared away by her mystery and, of course, her policeman dad! The first time I noticed her, she didn't have "the scene look" and I quickly whisked her off my list. But with my new outlook, I re-found her at the end of 11th grade. I took the time to get to know her, to become friends with her. I didn't know what would happen, where things would go, or if they would go anywhere at all. I wanted to risk my heart instead of playing it safe with preconceived notions of girls that I knew would date me.
Once I befriended her, I realized that I had found the most wonderful person I had ever met. She didn't listen to any of my music. She wasn't in band. She didn't go to shows, she didn't wear eyeliner. In fact, many people saw her as plain, but I saw her as all colors of the rainbow.
I shaved my emo hair off for H. I got rid of everything that was a part of a closed-minded life of short, bad relationships. I listened to pop music with H - never seriously, but I did it. I learned to love beneath the skin, all the way through the heart and deep down into the soul.
It's been two years since I wrangled myself a keeper, and I found myself a girl I could stay with for longer than six months, which was the longest relationship I'd been in before. We've grown together, which is much more than I can say for any other girl I had ever been interested in. I've learned to love, to hug, to listen, to talk, and to be all I can be without the need for music or style to cover up my faults.
It's been 2 years, and H and myself are on the fast track to getting engaged.
If there's anyone who reads this that has preconceptions, lose them. They take the blinders off of life and show you what's really out there.
And, if you're lucky like me, you might find what you had been looking for the whole time.
-
recommend
- recs 21
-
share
-
email
- sent 1
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: harmonyminusmelody@xanga
- Name: Evan
- About Me: in reference to my username, i have been since acquainted with my melody and we shout to the heavens our concordant song of life and love. i am a lover, a God-fearer, a space enthusiast, an aerospace engineer in-training, a writer, a gamer. i am lazy, opinionated, overweight, overbearing, and full of myself, but honestly, WHO ISN'T?!? at least i can say i'm not full of YOURSELF.
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 7 Views: 0 54166 Comments: 0 912 View all posts by harmonyminusmelody@xanga
Comments (94)
grats :)
I think a part of the whole "relationship" thing is that you can't be searching for one. The less you search, the more open you are to oppurtunity. It works out much better like that =)
@alice_tiny@xanga - lmaoooooooo agreed...
I'm going out with a guy right now, but even right now I don't know what it is that I want... I don't know what it is would be right for me. I wanna know. But i dont know how to find out. =T
That's great! Is that you two in your profile picture?
You have hit the nugget of wisdom most people don't hit until their late 20's, early 30's: When two people share every interest and such; the end result is pretty damn drab and boring because there is no mystery, no pizzaz, and no chance. It's odd that most people don't broaden their horizons. Using music as you did in your example, you'd be surprised how easily people who may make great matches never even try because one is a fan of rap and the other one of death metal. There are liars, cheats, and skanks/losers EVERYWHERE! Broaden yourselves to try other things!
I'm glad that you found somebody even if you two don't have much in common.
I've actually stopped looking for the look and personality i wanted,
and surprisingly, i work with the guy...granted he's 4 years younger
than me, i do like him and he treats me tons better than the assholes
my age or older.
This is really cute. =]
that is so sweet!
I was like that but with race and a type of style. Not being racist or anything but I fell for the white skaters... Until I liked someone else... who's not Skater nor white. Now, I'm with him.
I thought "skater" because I liked/wore the brands and I thought most of them liked my music (Metallica, Rage Against the Machine)... but those are more the ...mullet-wearing older male who are still living in the 80's.
thank you everyone with the wonderful comments. it means so much that i can show everyone some seemingly small things in life that turn out to be major milestones in life. i'm glad my story could be touching to you all! :)
Congrats to you! I'm glad you found her.
What a lovely story. Thanks for sharing.
i know how it goes.
i finally quit looking and my silly-goose-boyfriend found me :D
(i had known who he was and even met him a year before and thought i had a snowball's chance in hell; this kid was waaaay too cool and hot to notice me. turns out i was wrong :D)
Very cute! Congrats! :)
awww why can't there be more guys like you? ;)
congratulations! :)
i am completely unrealistic.
Cool. Congratulations!
Aw, I'm glad you got out of that. (:
I never really had preconceptions, so I can't relate at all, but nevertheless congratulations.
Ew @ Scene Kids and Scene music. Gross.
I'm glad you have opened your eyes though:)
My friend likes Underoath :)
I have high standards, but they're more like general standards, not like "My boyfriend has to look like this and have these kinds of hobbies." Though I would love to have a boyfriend with whom I could go to rock concerts and all that, I think I'd love a guy just as much even if he had different tastes. I try to think of the "perfect" guy, but really I think there are different types of "perfect" that I can appreciate.
WOOT! Thank you for breaking that mind set. Now if only you can get all the rest of the males on the planet to realize this that would be awesome!
My only standards are that the girl isn't obese or anorexic
, and it is still hard for me to find someone. I think its more based on their standards than mine.
Great story!
glad u have found her..not ur ideal girl but she turned out to be the woman u have been waiting for all ur life.that's the magic of love,right?