Tuesday, 10 March 2009
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I Dropped My Preconceptions of The Perfect Girl and Found Love
Before I met the girl I'm with now, I loaded my mind with preconceptions about the kind of girl I wanted to date. In my early high school days, I was a "scene kid" and, like most scene kids, I wanted to date a scene girl. She had to listen to my music, wear the same kind of clothes and go to shows/concerts/whatnot. I wanted the girl I dated to have a certain kind of hair, a certain kind of style, a certain kind of everything.Well, it's safe to say that I liked/almost dated/dated over eight girls because of my search for the perfect girl. Because of these preconceptions, I had no idea that behind the gratuitous amounts of eyeliner and Underoath band tee, they were liars, cheaters and rotten people in general. I was cheated on twice, lied to by all of them and left in the dust for other boys with the same ideas as mine. They would eventually be lied to, cheated on, and become victims of the same woes.
By the eighth girl, I had finally realized what I was doing. I was loading my mind with skin-deep tastes that I thought would bring me happiness and love. In the end, I realized that I never loved and had never been loved beyond a certain point, and I wouldn't ever be loved until I dropped the preconceptions.
It's a possibility that that moment of revelation was one of the best moments of my life and saved me years of heartbreak. Soon after the breakup with the 10thish girl (not girlfriend, but one that I liked/almost dated/dated), I forgot the idea of preconceptions. I opened my mind that maybe Bullet for my Valentine and Alesana weren't the only bands out there. I realized that people who didn't listen to scene music weren't closed minded fools.
Without the fog of preconceptions, I found a girl that I had noticed before, but was scared away by her mystery and, of course, her policeman dad! The first time I noticed her, she didn't have "the scene look" and I quickly whisked her off my list. But with my new outlook, I re-found her at the end of 11th grade. I took the time to get to know her, to become friends with her. I didn't know what would happen, where things would go, or if they would go anywhere at all. I wanted to risk my heart instead of playing it safe with preconceived notions of girls that I knew would date me.
Once I befriended her, I realized that I had found the most wonderful person I had ever met. She didn't listen to any of my music. She wasn't in band. She didn't go to shows, she didn't wear eyeliner. In fact, many people saw her as plain, but I saw her as all colors of the rainbow.
I shaved my emo hair off for H. I got rid of everything that was a part of a closed-minded life of short, bad relationships. I listened to pop music with H - never seriously, but I did it. I learned to love beneath the skin, all the way through the heart and deep down into the soul.
It's been two years since I wrangled myself a keeper, and I found myself a girl I could stay with for longer than six months, which was the longest relationship I'd been in before. We've grown together, which is much more than I can say for any other girl I had ever been interested in. I've learned to love, to hug, to listen, to talk, and to be all I can be without the need for music or style to cover up my faults.
It's been 2 years, and H and myself are on the fast track to getting engaged.
If there's anyone who reads this that has preconceptions, lose them. They take the blinders off of life and show you what's really out there.
And, if you're lucky like me, you might find what you had been looking for the whole time.
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About the Author
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- From: harmonyminusmelody@xanga
- Name: Evan
- About Me: in reference to my username, i have been since acquainted with my melody and we shout to the heavens our concordant song of life and love. i am a lover, a God-fearer, a space enthusiast, an aerospace engineer in-training, a writer, a gamer. i am lazy, opinionated, overweight, overbearing, and full of myself, but honestly, WHO ISN'T?!? at least i can say i'm not full of YOURSELF.
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Comments (96)
I wish my friend would realize what you've realized. She's always searching for that perfect guy and she knows she has high expectations. But she doesn't understand that Mr. Perfect has to like her back in order for her to find love.
And I'm happy that you've found someone. (:
Glad you opened your eyes. Seems to many men and women have their standards way too tight and lose great opportunities to find love and happiness.
what in the world is "scene" music.
this is one of life's hard lessons only learned by experience.
What you think you want and need is not always what you really want and need.cute story. i didn't know there was a fast track to getting engaged. o_O
Sweetest. Story. Ever! I'm glad you found her and I'll try to take these words to heart:)
2 years is not the fast track bro... haha
You're absolutely right! True beauty is not skin deep. I'm happy that you've found a wonderful woman who helped bring out the best in you :) Isn't it wonderful having the opportunity to grow with someone you love?!
Wow I'm happy you found someone to share your heart with. Love isn't skin deep and sometimes its completely unpredictable.
Aww <3. So cute! Like an adorable love story!
Congratulations. I am happy that you found yourself a keeper! It is wonderful with good consequences that can last a lifetime.
Aw, that's cute. [: It's great that you opened your mind.
@alice_tiny@xanga - Lol! I guess it's sorta like . . . screamo/heavy metal music. It's not really attractive. :/ But some bands are ok.
Aw, congrats :]
thats good. sometimes when your mind is preoccupied with this and that, you dont realize whats around you and what you want is probably right in front of you. cause your too busy with what you think is perfect/perfection or maybe you did so much exploring you finally found it. i dont know. hahaha.
that's wonderful.
that's what i keep on telling people.. don't go with a set of expectations, and don't go looking. you'll only stumble on the wrong people. you don't have to be in a relationship all the time to test whether your SO is a keeper. take the time you're single to concentrate on yourself, love yourself and get to know yourself. maybe you're not who you think you are.
@mywordsx@xanga - how to be a scene kid
Metal is not scene music. It is above and beyond.
wow. i have a very good friend who's less mature in this sense than you are...and i think he's probably older than you.
you've found a rare gem of knowledge, there, realizing that it's not about the externals in a relationship (to an extent).
best of luck with your girl! :)
That's great.
Sometimes you have to keep an open mind. 'Scene' is just a bullshit phase. You just grew up.
Good for you.
Love is definitely more free when it is not limited by should's, ought's, must's. I am glad that you were/are able to experience this. Now if only others would follow suit...
Congrats! I'm glad things are working out for you. My boyfriend and myself are quite different as well on the outside (he doesn't go to shows, but I LOVE them), however, we compliment each other well in other aspects.
@Pcgecko85@xanga - Whatever floats your boat. >>;
Good for you.
[insert collective 'aweee' here]
:)
Well put sir.