Tuesday, 10 March 2009
When first learning how to bike, I remember being told by my mother that falling (as well as rolling facefirst down a hill multiple times) was to be expected. But then she would complain about the scabs, bruises, and scars I'd receive. WTF?
The rest of life works the same way - you would have to fall off the high horse several times in order to properly understand the inner workings of the universe. I, of course, always learn things the hard way. Lately, I've been on a free site called OkCupid (the little sister to eHarmony, if you will) that uses mathematical logarithms to place you with your ideal match. The account I created was only meant as a joke (it's bare bones - none of my personal information is listed on my profile) and even as a potential opportunity to meet new friends (yes, just friends). And indeed I have:
Friend #1: A very charming and funny guy --> he raps (score!) But he is also chronically depressed, which, to a certain extent, hinders the friendship from progressing.
Friend #2: All-around great guy. Met him once and I took his minimal speaking to = incompatibility/dislike. It turns out he was simply... shy??? Completely different than his online persona, but he's also laidback, comfortable to be with, and has never snorted cocaine --> so far, he's a keeper.
Friend #3: Have you ever stared into a crystal ball and seen it turn smoky or hazy? This friend is a crystal ball. Sometimes, you'd think he's a completely normal guy-next-door; other times, you'd want to stay the hell away. He asked me, after meeting me only twice, where I saw "the relationship" going. I reminded him--as I do all my new friends--that I only want friendship, nothing more. He replied with, "Who knows? Maybe one day, I could even wind up being your soul mate." Oh, and he wants to meet my friends sometime. And insists on paying for everything. I'm a tad bit concerned he's already picked out the ring...
Friend #4: Constantly kept in contact with each other until the day I finally met him, during which he told me he and his friends only hang out with individuals who graduated from elite schools and lead rich, stable lifestyles. Needless to say, after that, he disappeared off the face of the earth and didn't respond to my messages. But I got a free dinner out of it, so no complaints here.
Friend #5: He's a male eight years my senior who I haven't met yet but I have already graduated him to BFF status just so I can tell my mother I finally have a Korean friend who isn't a prick (read below).
Friend #6: Another Korean guy I was supposed to meet but has now blocked because he blew up at me after I told him I wanted to wait until marriage to do the deed with my husband. Now, he initially brought up the sex talk, and when I told him that in this world, love doesn't necessarily equate sex (although sex can be an act of love), he said: 1) This was "stupid" and "ridiculous" 2) My "hippie crap" as he called it, was "annoying" 3) I was an "extortionist" because I was "blackmailing guys into marrying by withholding sex" 4) I was "a nutty little girl with relationship issues" who no man could ever possibly want, and 5) The only guy who I'd be compatible with would be a weak "choir boy with oppressive mother issues". I then very politely told him he was a douchebag. Ugh, I have such bad luck with my own peoples.
Friend #7: Lives in England. Throws a bit of a tantrum if I don't respond to him within two minutes. As the Brits would say... Good riddance!
Friend #8: Currently taking midterms, but he offered me a ride in his convertible. The girl that I am, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't go under the whackjob category. Yes, just so I can ride in his convertible. Shameless, so shameless.
Friend #9, #10, #11: The only thing they have in common is that they hit on me within two minutes without knowing a single thing about me besides the fact I am only seeking friendship. #9 is FIFTEEN years older than I am, and not only did he give me his number but asked me out to dinner and ice skating afterwards. All within two minutes.
So what have I learned so far?
Life rule #105: A male and female cannot ever just be friends unless one of three things happen: 1) There is no attraction. Even if you do not feel attraction, how do you know what the other guy is feeling? OR 2) You have "the talk" in which you verbally lay out the boundaries of the friendship OR 3) You both share nasty habits early on in the friendship (such as passing gas and picking your nose) that naturally bypasses the need for the previously-mentioned choices. I recently learned this the hard way, that by simply being friendly with members of the opposite sex, they may either feel unrequited sexual attraction or treat me like a disease because they perceive my social behavior as a sign I am attracted to them. If there is a way to be friendly without being considered a flirt, please let me know!
Life rule #106: The term "friendship" apparently still leaves room for confusion. Before initiating a friendship with a member of the opposite sex, you should always clearly define the rules of friendship. Some "friendships" seemingly do equal dinner, movie, holding hands, and sleeping over?
Life rule #201: Meeting friends online STILL feels like a date. I wear what I normally do and act as I normally do, but when you're sitting across the friend in question, suddenly the mood doesn't feel as casual anymore. Instead, I wind up being interviewed by a stranger I don't know... and I grow irritated because this ties into the next rule...
Life rule #202: In the back of a guy's mind, meeting a new friend may mean meeting a possible soul mate. And sometimes, the thought of the latter overshadows the former.
Life rule #203: Don't use an online dating site simply to meet friends. Stick with... um... Myspace? Facebook? The Yellow Pages?
Oh, and I deleted my account.