Monday, 09 March 2009
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My Best Friend and I Hooked Up
I've been best friends with this guy (let's call him WB) for the last four years. We know the good, bad and ugly about each other and we've been through a lot together. We are in our last year of college and both of us plan to go off to grad school next fall. WB has dated a few girls over the years and he's always had his heart broken. I've dated a couple of guys but nothing serious. People have mistaken WB and I for a couple all the time. I always just laughed it off because it was so absurd to me.A few weeks ago, we both had crappy days, and I went over to his place to have a few drinks with him and his roommates. We had a ton of fun (as we always do), and I decided just to crash at his place for the night because it was getting late. After his roommates went to bed, WB and I stayed up talking. We were consoling each other on our crappy days and he was giving me a shoulder massage. We were having ourselves a little heart to heart and out of nowhere, he told me that he might have feelings for me but he shouldn't because he wasn't a good enough guy for me. I told him that wasn't true and that he was an amazing man. He stopped massaging my shoulders and started kissing my neck. The passion just erupted between us - clothes started flying, hands started exploring, and we got completely caught up in each other. We had sex on the couch and then he carried me to his room and we did it again. Not going to lie, it was pretty amazing.
When we woke up in the morning, we talked about what happened and where we stood with each other. He told me that he didn't want to risk our friendship by moving into a relationship and I agreed. Neither of us could bear the thought of losing each other if things didn't work out. We promised each other that things wouldn't be awkward or weird between us. For the next two weeks, things were fine and we still hung out like usual. The last week or so, he's been avoiding me and acting awkward. He told me he “just needs time and some space to figure things out”.
During our time apart this past week, I've done a lot of thinking and realized that I have feelings for WB. He's my best friend and with what happened the other week, there's obviously physical chemistry. Maybe all those people have been right over the years and there's more to our relationship than we could see. I wouldn't be opposed to seeing where our relationship could go, but I don't want to screw up our friendship if things don't work out. I'm scared, confused and I'm not quite sure how to handle this.
So my questions:
Why does he need “time and space”? Did I do something wrong?
Do I risk telling him I have feelings for him?
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Comments (92)
Maybe he needs time and space to figure out the same things you already did. He needs to actually think about them more. I don't think you've done anything wrong... But I do think it would be good to tell him you have feelings for him. Maybe he's just too nervous to make the first move on that...
he needs time and space to 1st make sure that what happened between you all wasn't a bad decision, and 2, maybe he's deciding on what to do. i dont think you did anything wrong at all
you might as well tell him how you feel as well, he told you how he felt, you all had an intimate moment, so he might as well know how you feel about him
TELL HIM.
You can't live your life wondering, all the time, "what if this doesn't work out?" There is always a risk of anything not working out - does that mean you just don't live life?
You fit with him behaviorally AND physically - there is virtually nothing to lose by taking this leap with him. If you guys wanted to be friends if you break up I bet you can do it - it's been done lots of times.
But somehow it seems as if you won't break up :)
Quite an adventurous night, I'd say. Tell him how you honestly feel after things settle. I think it'll take more than a week. Was it just lust? Anyways, since you know him and he knows you and if you decide to get into a relationship, I'd say it'd be alot different. Depends on what you guys want really.
@greatsneha@xanga - @miss_thiq@xanga - @SerenaDante@xanga - Good advice ladies. I agree with you. I'd rather "go there" than wonder "what if."
i agree with @greatsneha@xanga totally. you should tell him how you feel. he probably feels a little hurt now thinking that you might not like him the way he likes you, that's why he's distancing himself to think things over. don't miss this chance because best friends could work out! trust me. my boyfriend and i were best friends before we started dating and we've been going strong for 4.5 years. same with my best girl friend. she's been dating her best friend for 2 years now and they couldn't be happier together. even if things don't work out in the end, i don't think you guys will just fall apart and not see each other again. your friendship is probably stable enough to withstand anything.
just think about it this way... you guys already hooked up, so basically you've already screwed up. if you don't go out with him, i'm pretty sure you guys will remain awkward for quite a while... if not forever. however, if you move forward into a relationship, you guys might last and be happy together forever. seems like there's no turning back now! so go for it!
Whoa, talk about hot sex ( twice a night, how lucky!)
I think you should obviously T E L L--- H I M ! I mean you knew this guy for a long time already so you can trust him with your heart, I just hope he is willing to work things out with you. Doesn't hurt to try and if it doesn't work out , then you'll know for sure. Instead of waiting around and wishing what could of been. No regrets. Go for it.
P.S: "Everything happens for a reason", if it wasn't for a reason... well it happened. Alway walk forwards, never take steps backward. That way you know where you're heading and won't hurt yourself.
<3 <3 <3 Molly Molly Molly
I hooked up with my best friend.. for a little while I had needed time and space, because it dawned on me how weird it was..he's my best friend! However, that feeling soon passed. We kept the 'thing' going on for several months.
Unfortunately, a year after us hooking up we became more distant with each other and eventually stopped being friends. He moved on to other girls, I moved on to other guys.
I can't say I regret sharing my feelings with him, but now I can't help but wonder if we would still be best of friends if that hadn't happened.
TELL HIM! (to repeat the above poster)
It's likely that he is still worried about ruining your friendship by starting something that you're not willing to follow. However, if you ARE, you ought to TELL HIM! There's a good chance that this will work out. Best friends can be a really easy transition into a relationship because you already know the basics about each other and the mental intricacies of the other person.
I spent years yearning for my best friend and dating with him is the easiest thing simply because we ARE best friends.
You didn't do anything wrong, it's just a new situation that you are each having to approach--him alone. Don't let him wander in the dark if you have feelings for him, though. The worst thing (again, to repeat above posters) is to wonder "what if" years later. Just tell him!
Tell him. He obviously really likes you. He probably needs space because he likes you a lot and finds himself torn up because he is with you as a friend and wants to be more.
Go for it!!! You WILL regret it if you do not. Trust me.
Though we could assume that he's probably thinking the same things as you do - we don't know for sure. You could casually ask him when he's ready to talk about things and yes, you should tell him that he's growing on you. Wouldn't you want to take a chance than ponder all your life if you hadn't? Some friendship fails after a broken relationship with each other. Other friendship just keep being friendship.. as if nothing had happened. I think it'll be awkward at first (if the relationship didn't work out) but it really depends how both of you make it and take it as afterward.
- I'm sure he feels the same way. Maybe he just didn't want to be entirely open to you and freaking you out. You should update us about it.
I agree, tell him.
From past experience once you've crossed the line beyond friendship you can't ever go back. At this point your best bet is to try for a relationship. Being best friends is a good start for a relationship. I hope it works out for you.
Yeah, you should probably tell him. And tell him soon before he tries to talk himself out of starting a relationship with you. Things like this don't happen very often, so take advantage!
You guys are best friends. Tell him how you feel.
Like other people said, he's probably just trying to figure out what you figured out..
TELL HIM!! And wow, that night sounded pretty hot! :)
As everyone said before, TELL HIM! That's exactly how my relationship started with my best friend, and it sounds like you both are attracted to each other, as well as the best of friends. Not all great friendships like that end in relationships, but there is a chance it would work out, so give it a shot. :)
Maybe he needs time to figure out his own feelings because he feels the same way about you, but he doesn't want to tell you that. If you think it wont bother him, ask him about it and maybe tell him how you feel.
You two can go back to being friends if it doesn't work out dating - it will not be easy, but if you both want to then it is possible.
Take a risk.
I'm taking a wild guess, but I think he has feelings for you, too. I'd suggest telling him. At least after it's out, you'll never have to live your life thinking, "what if...?" Besides, you're best friends. Even if things didn't work out, I think your drive to stay best friends should overcome anything that happens in the relationship (of course, I hope everything works out). The more protective you are of your relationship, the better it feels when you succeed. Good luck =]
He's afraid of losing you, but if you guys are good enough friends take the risk anyway and things will be fine. Don't worry about the outcome, do what's right now. You ever see Made of Honor? Same exact situation. Tell him how you feel before you lose him.
Talk to him. And if he turns you down remain friends with him. At least you gave it a shot. But if he feels the same way about you too, don't be afraid to take that risk.
tell him but dont expect anything back, you wont be disappointed or feel obligated later. i slept with my best guy mate and we've dated and broken up 6 times since, on and off with other bfs/gfs in between, keep it casual, the relationship for now isnt worth the kind of permanent friendship you guys have, but make sure you both come to that understanding.
(and enjoy the casual sex :P)
He may have thought the same thing, but didn't think you felt the same way thus jeopardizing your friendship. Course, he could also feel the opposite way and think of you only as a friend and is then compensating for what happened.
What you do is your choice, but if you have to tell him, the sooner the better. It's a lesson I recently learned...
He just needs more time to figure out his feeling which is the same as you. Wait til you hear from him.
Movie plot!