Monday, 09 March 2009
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Why Aren't We More Direct When We Like Someone?
I come from a family where dating was not allowed until one turned 16, and steady dating was discouraged until guys got back from their Missions (I'm LDS), or at least college. Anyway, I digress. It appears to me that most of the stress stems from dating or relationships is ambiguity. "What's he thinking?" "Am I trying too hard?" "Is that too much for a first date?"
We make all these interesting little rules to try and cope with this. "Don't call too soon" "Leave them wanting more" blah blah blah blah.. Is it just me, or does this not make any sense?
Isn't the whole point of dating someone the fact that you actually like being around him or her? Why is it such a bad thing that he/she knows that? Why isn't the universal approach "Hey, I think you're the shiz, and I would love to take you out sometime"?
Why is there such a stigma with being direct? What is the rationale behind not appearing like you like someone? And, if we don't like that way of thinking, why do we all do it?
editor's opinion: initially, at least, because it's terrifying!
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- From: Endersig@xanga
- Name: Endersig
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Comments (107)
I'd prefer if a guy was direct over playing by stupid "rules".
I think the word is rejection. But it is possible I'm wrong.
I think MrsMok got it right... fear of rejection.
If only it was that easy.
I agree with MrsMok. If everybody knows for sure that they'd be liked back, I'm pretty sure people would be a lot more direct.
I'm so vague, it kills me. The direct approach just catches me off guard.
Why aren't we more direct when we like someone? Because we're not me. I am. My dating history and who I have dated pretty much rock all the way around. Get over your lack of confidence and do it.
because we get shit-scared.
"Hey, I think you're the shiz, and I would love to take you out sometime" is probably one of the best ways I've ever heard of asking someone out on a date.
Besides fear of rejection, if the person you like is a friend, there is fear of complication. Most people don't like when things get too complicated (out of their hands)...
personally, i don't think it's my role to pursue a guy and tell him i like him. also, most guys just want to date so they can have sex. they are not in love or love you. so it's wise to guard your heart and do all you can not to fall so easily. not to mention, who wants somebody who doesnt like you for who you really are? i get so easily annoyed at guys' foolish attempts to be something they are not (girls do it too). it's so lame when a self-centered jerk pretends to be "sensitive" or a "sensitive" guy tries to act all "tough-guy". just be yourselves. if a girl doesn't like you for who you are, it won't be meant to be no matter how hard you try to deceive in the beginning. that's my 2 centavos.
Fear of rejection mhmm mhmm mhmm thats it.
Fear of rejection is a good reason, but I think it's more fear of looking like a creeper. That's what it is for me.
I can't openly tell a guy, "Wow, you are something. I like you. We should go on a date!" because they might think I'm too forward.
I wish guys would be more direct with me, but I'm shy, and I am also afraid of rejection. Things would be much simple if everyone was direct, but they're not, so we have to figure it out. I guess guys feel the same way. After all, we're human.
Being direct can also make the relationship move forward too quickly, and that disheartens some people. And, of course, rejection sucks.
Aside from the fear of rejection.. it's the game...
I think it's stupid too.. I prefer it if he was direct. But I guess that's how it is with dating.. but it's still stupid.. cause, like what YouTOme said.. people aren't themselves when they ask someone out.. and have their first few dates.. because we're all too busy trying to impress each other.. and it's soooo overrated.. everyone's come down to the point where they're all the same... so what YouTOme also said.. we all just gotta be ourselves..I've had lady-friends that I've started to like, and they all started as friendships. In fact, they've been wonderful friends, and this is why I get nervous, even scared when and if the subject comes up.
When dealing with friendships, I don't want to loose the great friend-relationship I have with a woman, to a romantic relationship that could end horribly and make things awkward between us.
Rejection can torture us. We are ambiguous to delay the outcome. The journey's end is not determined yet, therefore rejection cannot swoop down on us until the cat-and-mouse games are over.
As with others, I find myself matching@MrsMok@xanga's opinion of rejection.
But, I get tired of the "What if?"-'s... so... direct is better. Leads to less confusion.
there's only so many times a person can be direct and be rejected and still want to be direct... =\
personally, i would love if girls were more forward.
Rejection, messing up a friendship or work relationship. Nobody wants to be hurt. But it's bound to happen anyway. Looking or feeling like an idiot.
I'm very direct...I tell the guy exactly what goes on in my mind and why I act certain ways. What I've learned though is that...if you tell it to the wrong person, it'll backfire. I opened up and let myself be vulnerable but the guy used it against me because he knew my weaknesses.
When I was single and I was interested in someone, I'll chat up with him, get to know him more, (and if I was still interested) I let him know. I never went by those rules: waiting three days until you give him a call, play hard to get, make him think that you don't like him but still leave him wanting more, etc. It probably work for others but I'm usually upfront if I like someone or not.
If I get rejected (I had before), hey, at least I know where we both stand and I won't waste any of his or my time. Time to move on to another.
I'm pretty direct, to be honest.
it was only to one person i've ever told him I liked him
Yeah I would be scared to be rejected... but luckily I never had to ask because my bf was the one to ask me out.
but im not a direct person by nature anyways. I like to do what people call "beat around the bush", but that's just the way my culture usually does it.