Monday, 09 March 2009
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Guys vs. Girls - Is Three A Crowd?
No, this post is not about threesomes. Sorry if you're disappointed. 
Not too long ago, I wrote a post about this guy who asked me out at a training session for work. I politely told him no, I couldn't date him because I was interested in someone else, even though we weren't actually seeing each other. His response was, "Yeah, girls are like that. Even if they're just kinda-sorta-maybe-almost seeing someone, they don't want to date anyone else. Whereas guys will basically give out their number til they're married." (my paraphrase)
I wasn't lying, but I was using a pretty weak excuse (the potential relationship never worked out, as I suspected it wouldn't). However, I have been in this situation before: I had recently started talking to this guy, but then I met another one who was really interesting, and then I was kind of talking to both of them...and I felt horrible. I had to break it off with one of them because even though I wasn't either one's girlfriend, it still just felt wrong. I later found out that the one I broke it off with does this regularly - dating three or four women at a time. He sees no problem with it. In fact, both he and a close friend of his concurred with the guy from work and took it a step further: according to them, when you are married, cheating is wrong. But when you are just dating, "mistakes happen".
Girls, do you date multiple guys at a time? Guys, do you really feel this way?
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- From: LaBellaMorena
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Comments (45)
I don't see a problem with it as long as you're not also sleeping with all of them.
I don't think I could date more than 1 person at a time. I'm pretty picky and I don't think the person who I'm giving extra attention to should date other people either.
I think just dating a few is okay, but once any one of them gets serious - start sleeping together, consider each other girlfriend and boyfriend...then all the other dating needs to stop. Me personally? I don't think I could date more than one guy at a time. I don't think it's a problem, and I can see how guys would be more willing to date multiple girls at a time.
I was seeing a guy last summer an kissed someone else. Even tho the guy I was seeing would make out with people in front of me (which didn't bother me coz of how casual we were) I still didn't lile the ideaof being with more than person, even on a super small level.
xxx
if you're just casually dating someone then i think it's ok to see other people too. but like @StandUp2Life@xanga - said, once you guys are "in a relationship", then cheating is not ok. i don't care if you aren't married, if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, don't sleep around.
i date only wun guy
i hav sex with alla the utherz
I can't date more than a guy at a time. I have a guilty conscience.
whilst many says dating multiple partners is a matter of choice, i see it as a matter of commitment and responsibility.
if you're not serious, don't hurt those who are. even if it started off as "fun", it could get quite difficult if one side decides to invest more.
I've never been able to casually date.
I've dated more than 5 at a time.
But it was just for fun.
Otherwise, if I genuinely like him ~ I don't talk to anyone else.
There's nothing wrong with dating multiple people at once unless you agreed only to date one person exclusively.
I think dating a couple of people at one time is fine. You are weighing your options out, think of it as sorting out the weeds. But, as soon as you start sleeping with one another drop the other men because then it would be cheating.
Like you, I feel horrible if I talked to more than one guy at a time. I know I'm not obligated to feel that way because we're just "talking" and not holding a real title to what our relationship is, but for me, talking to multiple guys at the same time just confuses me (mentally and emotionally). So, I rather just stick to one guy whether we're dating or not and see how it ends.
But if you two are dating and in an exclusive relationship then no, it's not okay to still "date" other people on the side. It's what I consider "cheating." But it really depends how both parties define their relationship as.. an open relationship or not.
if i'm serious about someone i see only them. but if i'm not in an actual relationship i don't consider myself as dating anyone. i'll hang out with a few different girls in ''date'' situations, but unless we've established that we're actually dating and not just hanging out (and occasionally having sex), i don't think its wrong to be with multiple people.
I'm the same way as you, I'd feel really horrible if I were to do that kind of thing. Plus it can potentially lead to a bad scenario, in my opinion. I mean, what if someone is dating multiple people, and they end up falling for all of them?
I've tried to date multiple guys at a time but my conscious won't let me continue it for long. I've always felt really awkward about dating more than one person at a time, regardless of how casual or exclusive we were.
I'm sort of on the fence about dating multiple people at a time in general though. On one hand, I can understand how it can expose you to a lot of different people at once, therefore more effectively narrowing down your ideas and opinions on what you want in a potential significant other. On the other hand, I feel like having multiple casual relationships only leads to trouble since someone will inevitably become hurt, even if they know that their relationship isn't exclusive.
I don't see any problem with dating more than one person at a time, as long it's understood that the dating isn't serious at the moment, but just for fun. I've dated more than one person at a time before, and the girls knew it was happening, but they knew they were free to date other guys too, so it was fine. Although I have seen that guys are usually more comfortable with dating more than one person than girls are.
I have never dated more than 1 person at a time, and I don't think I would. However, I don't see a problem with it. If you meet many people it gives you a chance to narrow down who is the right one for you.
I've always thrown the idea of dating multiple guys around like "oh ha ha" but when the situation actually comes up, I usually feel pretty bad and end up breaking it off with one of them.
There really shouldn't be anything wrong with it, though. You aren't obligated to date just the one boy. If someone else comes along and you like him better and he makes it known that he would like an actual relationship with you, why should you deprive yourself?
and the other way, if boy one is the one you prefer, who says you have to keep number 2 around? It's your choice. Make yourself happy and don't worry about pleasing the others.
i never dated multiple guys at the same time. like you, i'd feel horrible, even when i'm not sure if anything would work out in the end. i would never start something new without ending a previous "relationship", whether it'd be casual or serious. i don't have a great memory, i'm always afraid i would get mixed up between the guys and say something wrong if i'm dating multiple people at the same time.
I personally don't date more than one guy all at once. If I'm exclusively dating one guy...I keep it that way. I am a one-man woman.
My boyfriend and I are very much one-person people. I have always wanted a very committed relationship and my boyfriend seems pretty happy with how things are going/have been going these past 4+ years. We plan on getting engaged and later married and owning a house one day. We've been together since we were 16 and we don't see us without one another. His dad, on the other hand, probably had a similar philosophy to this and was with many girls. Probably not while dating, but it wouldn't surprise me. :) My boyfriend's younger brother of 2 years is going through the same thing. Not very comitted to girls. To each their own!!
It's best to have options. I keep 3-4 in the bullpen just in case.
I've never dated more than one guy at a time although I don't necessarily think it's wrong. I think it's good to just date around for fun and not get so serious with someone right away. For me, the opportunity to date more than one person has never come around so that's why I've always just dated one person.
I don't do it that way, but some people do. That's the concept of open relationships, as opposed to exclusive ones. Depends on your character, I suppose.