Sunday, 08 March 2009
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"Bros Over Hoes" - When Your BF's Friend Doesn't Like You
I've heard this saying before and I am sure most people have, but have you ever heard one of your boyfriend's friends say that about you?My boyfriend, Marc, had a best friend named Sean. They've known each other since they were little kids. Marc has always had Sean's and his other friends' back no matter what. Marc had other girlfriends before me; they didn't treated him very well and cheated on him. From my understanding, his friends never said anything bad about his exes, even when they knew what they did and Sean always became best friends with Marc's exes.
After Marc and I had dated for a while, we got engaged and Marc was happy. Marc wanted to tell his best friend he had found the person he wants to be with for the rest of his life and he is going to marry her. I mean, that's normal, right? Who wouldn't want to tell their friends, especially their best friend, the good news?
Marc had told me that he was going to tell Sean about us going to get married. I was fine with it; why shouldn't he tell his best friend? But later that night, Marc called me and he was upset. I asked what happened. He said he told Sean that he was going to marry me and knew I was the one for him. Sean wasn't happy - all he said to Marc was "Bros over hoes, man."
I was upset hearing this too. I mean, I know Sean too - not as long as Marc has known him, but I know him and he is supposed to be my friend as well. Marc has tried talking to his other friends about what happened and all they say is, "You know how Sean is, he didn't mean it in a bad way," or "It's just slang, it doesn't mean anything bad". Even Sean said that's just how he talks and he didn't mean anything by it.
I don't care if it is "slang" or whatever. I know what it means and it doesn't have two meanings like some people say. I know some girls can be hoes and not treat a guy right, but I feel guys saying "bros over hoes" is wrong. Bros over hoes means, not only is the girl is a hoe, but you put your friends before your girlfriend. While I say friends are important, you just can't put them before your relationship. Your friends are going to get girlfriends and get married and have their own life, too, but they are still going to be your friends. It's not wrong; it's what people do.
I've realized that some friends just can't accept their friend changing. Marc's friends have done that and so did mine. If someone is your friend they are going to be happy for you and not try to break you up like mine, or Marc's friends did.
Am I the only girl that finds this saying offensive? Have you ever heard your boyfriend or his friends say this about you? And if any guys comment, I'm just wondering what you think of this saying. Does anyone think this saying really isn't bad at all?
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Shining_Garnet@xanga - Name: Eden
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Comments (73)
When I was with my ex, I had a friend who would always tell me, "Bros before hoes, dude!" It would piss me off because I don't like that saying, especially coming from him because I didn't really want to hang out with him anyways.
I think you're taking this a bit too literally. Sean may just have been upset because Marc is getting married and that may mean that he won't be able to see his bestfriend for a long time not as frequently as before. It sucks when one of your friends get a girlfriend and suddenly they drop our friendship like a brick because of this "girl." That is in a way the explanation for the phrases, "Bros before hoes." Well that's my thoughts on it anways.
I do have this happen a couple times when the girl literally just ripped the guy away and on top of that wasn't all that "good" for him in the first place. Adding onto what Sean said to Marc though, I'm sure it wasn't referring to you as a hoe. He may just be upset. Just give it time and have Marc talk to him after awhile.
I've been in a similar situation.. except it was my girlfriend and her friend. We'll use S for the friend and B for the girlfriend. Now.. B's ex-boyfriend asked S out and S told B, and since that was her ex, she wasn't going to be happy about it so S kindly turned him down. When me and B first started dating, that caused a bunch of drama due to I'm one of S's exes who is dating her "best" friend. They don't talk anymore though for reasons unknown. They had made a pact after B's ex-boyfriend asked S out.. something along the lines of friend's don't date friends exes. It crushed me pretty bad when I got broken up with over it. Given I can understand the situation and the reason they made that pact, but when you think about it. "Friends don't date friends exes, but real friends support one another no matter the case" At least that's how I always saw it. There are still some controversy over it, but in my opinion, if his friend can't learn to be happy for him, then who knows. "Bros before hoes" is in my opinion a degrading sense of terms no matter what was meant by it. There are still some good girls out there. I should know, I'm dating one of the good few left
actually, when my boyfriend was with me, he said it the opposite way around. i guess i should be glad? haha but yeah i probably wouldn't think too much of it if his FRIEND said it about you. but if your boyfriend said that about you... ouch :[
I hear you ! I hate it when guys say that. Not only is it demeaning, but it's just downright outrageous. Your friends are always going to be your friends, even if you get a girlfriend or boyfriend. It's human nature, duh !
I say they're only a true friend if they're happy for you. Otherwise, they aren't there for the right reasons.
I think that makes your BF's friend sound stupid. His best bud is getting married and that's all he can say? I hate when guys think that just because one of them gets married, he's betraying all the others. Sean should be happy for you two.
That's probably what he truly feels but he's not trying to break you guys up. He even tried to patch it up afterward. I think you should talk to Sean and see what he really feels about you so you can clear the air.
I find "bros over hoes" an obnoxious statement. And I agree with losertastic- is that the best your boyfriend's pal can do? "Bros over hoes?" What ever happened to supporting your friends? Of course, it must be a shock to Sean. Marriage of a friend is a big change. Still... A "congratulations" would have been more appropriate.
Sorry, but it seems obvious to me that in most cases "bros over hoes," or "guy friends over the girlfriend" is likely not going to create a very healthy relationship. It might work for a while with two very independent young people not wanting to settle down yet, but when a marriage prospect is serious, well, it's time to leave that nonsense behind (if it ever had a place). The same should be true of the girlfriend's friends.
My fiancé's friends are all really good about that. They know where his priorities lie and are quite respectful of his boundaries. If one of them had the cheek to say "bros before hoes" to Matt, he would say something like, "Sorry, man, that's not how I do it."
Well from that friend's perspective, your bf will be seeing him a lot less and will have his time occupied by you mostly. I am guessing that this friend isn't in a serious relationship or isn't yet settling down and is probably quite immature.
He may just be upset that he's going to lose a good friend or maybe, that's how he truly feel. If I were you, I wouldn't take it personally. You're marrying his friend and not him. At least what he said haven't changed your man's mind. Some people.. that's just the way they talk and think.. without thinking!
I also find that phrase offensive if anyone ever used on me but no one had (not that I know of, anyways). I think it's just ridiculous!
If the girl was really a hoe and treating your friend bad then yeah, I can understand. But if she's a decent girl and you just don't like her for no reason, hmm.. some people need to make some more friends.
I agree with one of the other commenters, you're probably taking it too literally. In your mind, that saying might only have one meaning, but to somebody else it could have multiple meanings. For all we know that was a really bad way for Sean to say that he didn't want your fiance to forget about him once you two got married.
Personally, I think that phrase is moronic - Just as moronic as the reverse phrase.
I also don't figure he was literally calling you a "hoe" when he said that, either. After all, that would have been blatantly disrespecting you in front of your SO, and I highly doubt his good friend would do that.
i hate that term ==
& there's one like
" chicks before dicks "
IE friends/ girls before guys
it's so stupid because what if
your best friend is a guy? or
if your boyfriend is more trust worthy than your female friends?
ah? it's stupid. absolutely stupid ==
I've never heard anyone say that in a serious way before. They say it in a jokingly tone. Maybe you took it out of of proportion?! He's not implying that you are a hoe. But maybe he's just having a hard time adjusting to the fact Marc is growing up. Seriously...anyone who still uses that phrase needs a lot of growing up to do anyway.
@laurenmaureen@xanga - hah yeah i would be pissed me if my boyfriend told me "bros before hoes"!
even though your boyfriend's friend says he didn't mean anything by it, it was still an inconsiderate thing to say.
bros before hoes is just a term guys use saying 'think of your friends before your girlfriend'. personally i think its a stupid term. sometimes you should pick your friends, and sometimes you should pick your girlfriend, and when your girlfriend becomes your fiance or wife, the friends are less often the right choice. personally i think sean is jealous of marc and that makes you say dumb things sometimes. i don't think its that he doesn't like you, he just doesn't wanna get left behind.
Me and my guys friends used to say to each other BBH (bros before hoes). The only reason we said it is because we ALL knew we did not need to be in a relationship. It was an accountability thing for us. We had one friend who would jump into a relationship with any girl who paid him attention. So we would go up to him while he was talking to a girl and say BBH. We never told the girls what it meant. Later about a year or two after we were over the past and ready to move on we stopped saying it, and now support each other in our relationships.
But yeah its not a cool frase to use, because not all girls are hoes that is a fact.
RDW
<><
“Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They
got your back after your ho rips your heart out, for no good reason.
And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she
was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other
ho’s in the world. And then suddenly, she’s not your ho no mo.”
- Michael Scott
CHICKS OVER DICKS!
I don't think it's offensive at all =P
but I think it would depend on what stage of your relationship you're at.
Getting engaged, yeah kinda offensive, you should have said something before =P
but before I agreed to go out with my boyfriend, I cleared it with my brother (my bf's friend =P) and a bunch of his other friends because I would never want to be the reason that someone I cared about lost his friends.
honestly there's nth really wrong with the phrase. its just to remind that friends are impt. and who knows, this sean guy maybe gay.
@sugar_mama@xanga - LOL I like that line. I use that when I know the guy is a dick and an ass.
The fact that his friend says that knowing that you'd treat him better than his exes who cheated on him and all that, that friend is an ass for saying that about a girl who isn't a hoe regardless of whther or not he meant it or it was "a different meaning"
SIS'S BEFORE BITCHES.
SISTER'S OVER MISTERS.
Just as women do, men also get jealous. Fuck him.
Congratulations, sweetheart.
Violetta Alexis
www.myspace.com/thatbayareeuhshorty
oh yea bros over hoes!! You know some people just say it without actually meaning what it means. There's underlying meanings for a lot of phrases and words. Bros over hoes always meant friends over girls for me and my friends.
bros over hoes does not mean you're a hoe. it's similar to when girls say chicks before dicks. does that mean the guy is really a dick? no. it's just a cliche way to rhyme. it just means Sean doesn't want a situation where your boyfriend will ditch them for you.thats how i take it to mean. as long as you don't create conflicts of interest where he will have to choose a side.