Sunday, 08 March 2009
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Do You Need to Be Friends Before You Date?
I've never understood how people form romantic relationships with people they barely know. How do you date someone when you aren't friends first?
Would you rather date a friend/friend of a friend or someone you don't know very well? Have you had better experiences one way or the other?
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Comments (120)
In the past I found success both ways. However, I think I prefer getting to know someone as friends first instead of going in cold. Idk why exactly; perhaps I feel I can get a much better connection with someone that way.
I prefer to be friends first.
i've dated someone i hardly knew. we met at a dance and there was just something about him. the relationship turned out to be him using me for "popularity" and turning into a not-so-nice person. in the end, i don't regret it but i'm happy to be dating someone i was already friends with now. personally, it works out better.
friends.
I see it a little differently -- Once you're comfortable as friends with someone, you don't see them in that attractive light anymore. They're not funny or romantic or good looking, they're just, well, THEM. I'm not saying you can never start to get feelings for someone you're just friends with, but best bets is those feelings have to be there from the start, so it doesn't matter if you're friends at first or go right into seeing eachother.
I've only had two serious relationships. The first one, I knew him well [well, I thought so], we lasted a year and a half. The second one, we started dating 10 days after meeting for the first time, then took a break, became closer, then best friends, and now we've been together over a year...so yeah, definitely with someone who you're friends with.
I suppose friends first, but I don't know.
My first boyfriend and I were best friends first, but our relationship was destroyed after we broke up for a good five months. Now, however, we're tight again.
I barely knew my current boyfriend of two years and one month when we started dating. We were still in the shy and awkward stage. We're best friends now, but not having that friendship basis makes me wonder what we'll be if we break up. I can't imagine just being his friend 'cause I've never been "just friends" with him before.
I've had experiences with both, kind of, and it's a very different situation. When you are friends first, you already know more about the person, so the relationship progresses differently, more quickly. If you meet a person and decide to start dating, it usually begins casually, getting a feel for the person's personality during the first few dates, so by the time you do make a commitment, you know more about them. *shrug* it all boils down to personal preference, really, I think.
I don't like to date my closest male friends because if you start romantically dating a friend and things don't work out it's hard to go back to the great friendship you once had.... But... I am breaking that rule right now because the guy I am dating started out as a friend. I really hope it works out between us because I think I would miss his friendship terribly if it doesn't. ~Echo
Yes, I need to be friends before I date the person. It just makes everything less awkward, and I can be comfortable while attracted to the guy. Also, it feels weird talking about myself, which is what tends to happen with strangers, so being with a friend requires less explaining and more focusing on the relationship.
Friends first.
I don't think it's required to be friends first...it's probably just one of those "it depends" kind of situations.
My boyfriend right now happens to be my first boyfriend, actually... I always thought it would be cool to be friends first - it probably doesn't help that I was/am a big fan of "Friends" and they did that with the Chandler and Monica characters...in my case, it certainly hasn't been detrimental to the relationship. My boyfriend "J" and I started going out this past September (two weeks from yesterday will be six months for us) - but, before we started going out, we estimate that we knew each other for almost six years. (I say estimate because we can't remember when/where we officially met - we have an idea, but nothing definite.) Admittedly we didn't really know each other that well up until this past year or two, but we were still friends. I was a freshmen in high school in one town and I was friends with a lot of seniors and they were friends with him (he was a senior at a different school) - so, over the years, I would hang out with them every so often...and now, when I'm home from school, I see the all the time!
So, in short (sorry for the extended story - it's a habit of mine to ramble sometimes) - it really does depend. I highly doubt being friends is any guarantee one way or the other - if you think it could work, give it a try...you'll never know what could happen unless you do.
My boyfriend and I didn't even start out as friends we just jumped right in and we've been together for two years.
My boyfriend and I started out as friends.
Before hand, this fling and I jumped right in. I knew nothing of him and it failed.
Most of my past relationships worked out better if I knew the guy before hand.
I would rather be friends with someone first, because I can't imagine dating someone I barely know. I think dating a friend makes it easier to relate because you already know you get along, and I also think you try harder for a friend.
Date friends, if you want a serious relationship, I think.
I think dating people you're friends with is a really bad idea
For me friendship first has never worked. Everytime I've tried it that way I couldn't get past the friendship zone. I am open to it but it's risky because she could still not go beyond friendship even after several years.
My boyfriend and I only knew each other for a few months prior to dating and we weren't even "friends"...more like "boy chasing after girl who doesn't want to date boy."
We've been in a relationship for two years as of January. So, no, you don't need to be friends before dating to have a successful relationship.
As for knowing how to date someone if you aren't friends with them first...well, you know if it just feels right. For instance, the first time my boyfriend really, truly kissed me and I kissed back, I instantly knew that we were meant to be. It just felt so beyond right to be kissing each other.
I would honestly never want to date someone that I was friends with, particularly good friends with, beforehand. I feel like it would make things super awkward.
I think it just depends on the person. Right now, I love the guy I was never friends with, it's very interesting though when you observe.
I think it at least helps because you already know each other. My boyfriend and I only started hanging out about a month and a half before we started dating...and we hadn't really spoken since middle school. But I consider ourselves as already friends by the time we started dating though...
It definitely helped because we already had hung out out and were a little familiar with each other. Friendship is actually what started the whole thing..I realized that he was so fun to hang out with, and he was cute..so why not date him?
And we've been going strong for a year since! :)
Friends... even if it's not BFFs and even if, when you make friends with them, you have a hidden intention of getting to know them better so you can date them.
That whole "dating people you hardly know" seems to be a poor way to go about things. Like, if you're in a relationship with someone after three dates and you don't know her parents' names. Or that she's Jewish. Or that she's allergic to peanuts.
You should know those thing! Being friends certainly smooths out things for a later relationship.
Me? I'm dating my best friend. We were best friends for years before we started dating and I'm pretty sure we're gonna be best friends when we're married, too. Fancy that.
if you have sex with a person who is a friend and its bad, you can bet all your friends will know about it the next day. if its with someone you don't know to well yet you just don't have to call them again. ok, thats just a joke, i don't want anyone biting my head off for that comment. honestly both ways have pros and cons, you just have to figure out what works best for you.
@sjb712@xanga - I couldn't have said it better myself. (:
People say they want to be friends first, but I've never bought it. Seems most relationships start off dating before you know each other very well.
Once someone is a friend, its hard for people to think of them as anything else. e.g. Friend zone.