Saturday, 07 March 2009
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I Was Set Up with A Guy But I Like His Friend, Not Him!
Say you're out one night with your friend and you meet a group of chill guys to hang out with for the evening. You all have fun at the bars then you go back to their place to play beer pong and whatnot, even spend the night, but luckily not do anything else other than that so you weren't in too deep already.You were set up with Ben by your friend and his friends, and everything seemed to be going pretty well. In fact, you think Ben is more into you than you are into him, so you try giving him a call or text later on, only to be ignored...then you don't bother with it anymore after a week.
Here's the thing, I was more interested in his roommate/friend first (let's call him Eric), and now the guy I was set up with has made it somewhat awkward for me to talk to his group of friends if I ever see them out again.
What should I do if I see them all out again (which I'm sure is bound to happen)? I don't know whether or not to ignore Ben and just talk to his friends because he's ignored my calls and texts.
Ben's friends have done nothing wrong to me; in fact, I liked them better than him in the first place...it's just that everyone, even my friends were getting us together when we first started really hanging out. Should I just forget that Ben ignored me and talk to all of them anyway so there's no awkward tension with all of them?
I really still want to try and be all of their friends, though. I think I was misunderstood by Ben.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were set up with someone, you were always interested in his/her friend first, but you just went with him because everyone else told you to? (then they ended up ignoring you, even though you wanted their roommate/friend in the first place)
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Comments (11)
Tell him you're not into him for one.
And then wait for it to get less awkward or look outside the circle of friends? After all, when you say you were "set up" you really set yourself up.
I agree with the person above.
Hmm. If I wasn't interested in him but his friend, I would of declined the "set up" date so there would be no awkward situation (like this) later.
But since you did went out on a date with him and just ended up being ignored later on, right now, I would play it cool with his friends and him. If you see them, just say "HI" and nothing more. If you try to mingle and get with Eric, they're probably think you're an easy target to get with and you definitely don't want them to get the wrong impression of you.
Don't do the chasing. Let Eric do the chasing if he's interested. Who knows what Ben has been saying behind your back to them. Guys.. they all stick together like a pack of wolves. Be careful.
Pretty much.. you screw up your chance with Eric by going on the "set up" date with Ben already. So now, just sit back and see what happens.
@jeezshoua@xanga - Ha! I've heard the same statement made about girls. Pack of wolves... that certainly is ominous.
To be frank, guys care less about what their friends think about the girl they like then girls do. Even when tight with a bro, nothing he says will warrant more then just a little extra fact-finding, but never full dissuasion.
im in situation now and i need help tooo!!!!
Well if Ben is ignoring your text....maybe he was never interested in you in the first place. It could have been the alcohol kicking in. I would say, it's safe to pursue Eric considering you and Ben didn't have anything serious in the first place.
Don't succumb into who "everyone" thinks you should date. Do your friends really know what kind of guy you want? No. That's why they hooked you up with the wrong guy. It never hurts to say "no."
To me, Ben has unequivocally said I'm not interested, meaning you are free to pursue whoever you want. Hanging out with his friends will only be awkward if you make it so...so try not to. :)
And feel free to go after Eric. Your friends don't know you better than you know yourself, and if you're not attracted to Ben then don't stick with him just to make your friends happy.
Uhm, just make it like this: To be fair enough for everyone, just mind all of them & don't ignore ANYONE at all
Talk to Ben about it. Don't ignore him.
Talk things out. Leaving things unsaid are just going to cause more complications.
Actually I think that I'm in the same situation right now. My friend is trying to set me up with one of his friends whom I've hung out with a couple of times. But the truth is, I like my friend and not him.
I think Ben got overwhelmed by the fact that you spent the night but didn't "do anything" else... Maybe he was feeling rejection that you didn't even throw a "come hither" look in his direction the night you've spent over there (although the very act might have been what made him think otherwise of you...the ease that you've spent the night at his place??)...
And as for the whole "ignoring" your texts... When will guys learn that it won't KILL the girl if they just TALKED about what's going in their heads? If you're interested in his friend/roommate, I suggest you step up and deal with it. Ask him out... it's not like you and Ben consumated a secret marriage, you guys went out, so what? You're not obligated to stay away from Eric because of that... esp. since Ben doesn't even act like he's interested in you. When you guys hang out in group, talk to him like you'd talk to anyone else to take the edge/tension off but if he contnues to being a dick about it, then youve done all you can. Don't hold your breath in his embrace though...doubt he's going to think LOGICALLY to why you're talking to him... might even think you've got it "bad" for him and his ego will skyrocket due to that....hahahaha
JUST BE HONEST. If you end up getting the chance to talk to BEN then just let it out. It's not your fault that he's acting like a pain in the ass and he has a cool and easy going friend who clearly outshined him. Not your fault for being more attracted to Eric either... that's just life?