My ex and I were dating long distance for 10 months - I was in Massachusetts and he was in Florida. Between this time period, we saw each other once in person when I met his sister. We talked almost daily either online, webcam, phone or all of the above. We eventually broke up because he couldn't take the distance. We virtually stopped talking because I knew I'd have feelings for him again if we talked. Eventually, I got over him, we started talking again and I saw us just as friends.
Then around the time he was going to graduate college in December, he started being more friendly, like the way he was when we dated. He decided to move back up north to NYC, which is three and a half hours from my place. He moved in early February and I started falling for him again (what else is new?). He sent me texts saying that he missed me and that he wanted me to visit and cuddle with him, that he wanted me to move in with him and "live together forever". Exact words on that one.
I visited him for week in February, the 14th to the 20th.
I met his roommate and his cousin. He held my hand every day in public and the first night, of course, we had sex. I wasn't expecting it to happen, but it just did. He bought me food every day I was there, bought me some clothes, paid my train fares, etc. Everything. It was a 100% paid for trip. We even went snowboarding the last day we hung out and he paid for the rentals, lift ticket, etc.
When he dropped me off at my house, he gave me a quick kiss goodbye and left. We still talked often for the next few days, but then he told me he was going to South Carolina for a week or so to look for a business. After he left, the talking between us has dwindled down to nothing.
He left last Thursday, and I haven't heard much from him. I haven't even talked to him since Monday. I don't know if I've become clingy and have expected him to talk to me daily like before. If he is too busy to talk. Or what? I feel like he should be able to at least text me and say how he is doing.
Never mind the fact that a few days after he went to SC, he then went back to Florida to visit and couldn't even have to courtesy to have told me.
He's had the time to talk to other girls on MySpace but hasn't the time to contact me.
So now that you know the story, I was just wondering what your input is on this. Do you think he still cares about me or did he use me? Do you think he's really busy or he doesn't care? Or just what?
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Comments (40)
hey hew friend. Gosh thats a hard one but i will say this...move on. Its his loss. and u know how it is. when we worry and fret..he doesnt call. the minute ur mind is somewhere else, here he comes..u deserve someone thats willing 2 put in just like U r..anything less..is beneath U
sounds like you got used. but in a pretty respectable way. you got a free vacation out of it. maybe he's still dealing with commitment issues. guys can be funny about that. one minute they're telling you how much they care about you and then next minute how they don't want a relationship. it's ridiculous. do you think he's the one?
Ummm most relationships that spawn from interaction on the internet don't last because many people are either more freeflowing on the internet or a completely different person. Because sometimes you don't see face to face, you, or him, can't see each other's facial expressions or hear each other's voice. There's webcam, but you never know when someone's doing something underneath the cam, such as flicking you off, or twiddling their thumbs from boredom in a I-hope-this-ends-soon. There are nice guys who don't want tears who act nice.
I suggest you contact him one last time, whatever method you choose, and ask him if you just want to be friends or not.
Guys are weird I'm coming to find. They're also sexually driven... maybe he really is commitment phobic... I'd say lay low and leave things be. If he comes around again, talk to him about it if he sounds all serious about it. I say it's not worth it for any girl to stick around for a man like that. We are better than that.
Give it another week. If you haven't heard from him...then he definitely used you. And he has the time to myspace comment other girls...he should have the time to send you a simple text message takes less than 30 seconds. If I were you...I'd be careful. You deserve better than to be a sideline girl. Move on...and let him realize what an idiot he is for losing you. Don't call or text him. My theory with guys: If they call or text you first...that means they are thinking of you. Don't go chasing after him or stalk him. Let him pursue you.
Long distance relationships may seem great while they are just that. Especially if you've never spent real time together. It could be that after spending a week with you, it just didn't click for him. Or maybe he's trying to sort out his feelings. I don't think he used you. I think he was trying to get to know you in that short week, and maybe you seemed different to him in person than online. While there are many relationships that have formed online and over long distances, there are many more that didn't work out.
It's hard to say. Is there an answer that would really satisfy you?
It's really hard to say whether he used you or not right now. I think that there's no way anyone could be 100% sure of that right at this moment unless he told you himself.
Give it another week or so. On myspace, ask him how he's doing. If he responds to you, everything's fine. If he ignores you and you see him talking to other girls, I'd begin to wonder what's up with that.
Call him, text him, or something. Make the initiative and see if he returns anything at all.
If you've sent him stuff and he hasn't responded (While talking to other girls) there's something up with that.
It seems like he did genuinely liked you at first. But after visiting him, the sexual intercourse, and the trips to South Carolina and Florida.. kind of made him turn his head sideways.
He either used you or met someone new. Or maybe, he's just not that into you anymore.
If he had time to MySpace other girls, I'm sure he would have time for you.
You can wait for him to see what's up but don't hold yourself back either. Go out on dates and meet new people as well.
He's not into you.
Time to move on, you're being too clingy.
give him some space and time like about a week. but if he's still whatever about it then move on. Don't let him get the impression that he can be with you whenever he want to and you'll be there when he wants you to
Give it a week.. or ask him what's up. Ask him what he wants. Don't let him play games with you.
If you don't want to call him to ask him about it.. then just let him call you, and then ask why you haven't heard from him when he calls. If he really cares for you, he would understand why you might be confused when he did all that he did and said all that he said and then cut off communication right after.
eh something like that happened to me recently. i met him january and was constantly seeing him (no sex) but he was sweet and thoughtful... then i stopped hearing from him altogether.
personally the logic i came up with was...
he cared for me during those moments we were together (i.e. holding hands, kisses, all expenses paid dates, etc.)
but he's just not that interested anymore.
which is completely fine.
its not hard to accept things like that IF the person says it right away.
i mean, rather than holding it out by ignoring you--leaving you hanging in the air.
ps. its not you.
i know it sounds cliche and a bit conceited in a way.
but based from your story on how he treated you in that weekend means both you and him had a great time and now he's freaked out or something.
Fadeout.
He's not into you.
jerks will be jerks. sounds like he was just using you. maybe he only started talking to you again because he broke up with a girlfriend or something. although it kind of doesn't make sense because if he was using you, then he most likely wouldn't have paid for everything like that..
Just be happy you didn't spend a dime on that trip, and then move on. What a strange guy.
Congratulations, you're being clingy, and he's not interested in you outside of sex.
If he's interested, he's interested and he'll call. If he's not, then calling and texting won't make him want you more - give him his space if you think that's appropriate, or move on. You have no reason to wait for him (he hasn't given you one) so keep an open mind. Don't limit yourself to him because of the possibility that he is interested in something more than sex.
This brings back memories of He's Just Not That Into You:
If he's interested, he'll call. If he doesn't call, he's not interested.
sounds simple to me...he wined and dined u cuz he wanted some booty....he got it...and moved on...
u lived....now learn...and grow past this and him...and try not to be so naive if u smell the kitchen cookin the same meal in the future, ya dig?
Whatever he's thinking or feeling, he's just not that into you. So, just like that handy book says, stop wondering what he's thinking because it really won't help anything...do something more fun and productive, like, er, exercising? shopping? reading?
Look - I know in your post you focused on all these great things he said and did. But the fact is that he DID those things, and right now he's AWOL. So what matters is the present, not the past. People say and do a lot of things in the past, and they can change their minds - and often do - about how they feel.
And yes, of course, if he had any cojones and/or courtesy he would call you and be nice. But he doesn't, and it's good that you found out now rather than later. Be happy that he's being very blatant about being not into you instead of contacting you and toying you around now.
i guess u were prob his booty call and not that interested in you. He tried to compensate you by paying for things and spending time with u during that trip. I think thats all there is to that.
he knows that he's got you tired around his fingertips and is taking advantage of that by sweet talking you until you become his booty call. harsh but sounds like what's been happening.
spelling edit: "tied" not tired
If he can talk to other girls and myspaced them...where's your message or comment if you are so important and he wants to be together forever?
The truth is in the actions. How long does it text "sorry i haven't called. Super busy at the moment."
Xo