Friday, 06 March 2009
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Why Date If You Know It Won't Last?
Lately I've been wondering why people enter relationships that they know won't last forever.
I, for one, am looking for a serious relationship that would hopefully last. However, I see all these people around me talking about going out with a girl and sooner or later breaking up with her, sometimes in as little as a week. I don't want to be that kind of person!Say someone is planning on going away for some time and she starts going out with a guy despite knowing they won't last because of her long trip. Why go out with someone if it's obvious it's going to be short term?
I am in a similar predicament where I want to tell this girl that I like her, but I know it won't last because I want to marry someone Korean and she is Chinese (don't label me as racist - I love everyone, but I just see myself marrying a Korean girl, that's all).
So knowing that I won't marry her or anything, why should I even go out with her when I don't see a future? Why do people enter relationships if they know it's not going to last?
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- From: lil_KyungMin@xanga
- Name: K-Min
- Location: pleasuretown, New Jersey, United States
- About Me: Recent convert of pleasure and taking opportunities.
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Comments (289)
because there is always the chance or possibility that there will be some extraneous variables you haven't accounted for that would really alter what you expect/what you gain from the relationship!
I see dating as a playground. I want to try everything before I make up my mind what's my favorite. When I met my husband, I never thought of marrying him. At that point, I thought, "I like him. I want to give us a try and see where it takes us." Three years later and we're married. You can't really plan who you're going to marry or not because hence, you don't even know if the relationship is going to work out or not.
You should give this "Chinese" girl a chance. You never know what's going to happen and you may end up changing your mind the longer you get to know her. Love works in mysterious ways!
You rather try than wonder all your life "what if" you did. But if you purposely go into a relationship that you know it's NOT going to work, well, that's a different story then. But I'm sure not everyone purposely go into a dead end relationship. They saw a chance so they took it. At least they know it didn't work at the end.
why? because people can always learn and grow from relationships. some come and go, and the ones that stay are the ones worthwhile. some people go into relationships knowing that they do not want to fully commit and settle down. it scares them and it's understandable because they don't want to be tied down so soon being stuck with what if's!
in my case however, I stay in relationships being able to imagine marrying them. it's extreme, but I'm in it for the long run.
also, don't limit yourself to a category! she may not be korean, but who knows, a relationship with her might go somewhere! take a chance. don't limit yourself.
Why jump into a plane if you know it's going to crash? If you don't see a future with this girl...why waste your time and her time? What makes you think it won't last long with the Chinese girl? What if you changed you mind about only marrying a Korean girl?
The thing is...if you predict the relationship will fail then try your hardest to make it work. Or you can take the other route and just move on. What do you have to lose?
theyre living in the moment. Ppl do what they want..and if what they want is in front of them, theyll deal with the repercussions later
comfort.
I have to agree. I don't see why anyone would commit to someone if they don't see it long term. I've always had that sort of standard when dating. I will hang out with someone who I'm attracted to and like being around, but I won't be exclusive with him if I don't think it will last. I'm a firm believer in not being exclusive with someone who you know is not someone you could eventually marry. It's one thing to date someone and then it turns out later that you guys aren't really compatible or he wasn't the person you thought he was, and it's another to waste your time with someone (time that can be spent on someone who is more in line with what you want long term) who obviously is nowhere near being "the one". Just get your jollies, have a good time, and keep it moving.
some people date for a person that will suit them for marriage
and some people date for a person that suits them for now
I'm going to make this simple.
Sometimes people don't know if something will work out or not. There are times when you meet someone and fall head over heels in love with him/her and then shit happens and you want to end everything.
You can't live life being afraid of everything and if you're really that cautious/anal about who you marry then don't even bother. Maybe it's better that you remain single because then you won't have to take chances.
@SomethingAboutKaren@xanga - Agreed!
My ex & I were together about 7 months and going into it, we both knew that it wouldn't last. We both had different goals in mind but we both wanted to be together at the time. And, it didn't work out obviously.
I think it's okay to date people if you're not going to commit to them for a long time. I think it's a way to learn and figure what you want and don't want in a future partner.
for fun, i suppose. i'm a long-term kind of person myself.
I spare myself the heartache especially knowing someone will be moving away. I really liked someone a while ago, but in the back of my head I knew he would be moving far away for grad school within a couple of months. So knowing all this, I did not pursue it. At the time I thought it was a smart move, but it was something I wish I had a do-over for. Guess what. He moved back 2 months after starting grad school! Regrettably, it was too late and he had already begun dating someone.
The thing is you'll never know what will happen next. Unless you have a crystal ball. If so, please share with me.
Anything can happen really.
Also from dating various people, you learn more about yourself. You figure out which qualities are more important in a mate--what to look for and what to avoid.
If you're really adamant about marrying a Korean girl, then you're right about wasting your time, and hers. If you only imagine yourself marrying a Korean girl, but are open to other options, then give it a shot. Maybe she's the one for you. It might take you by surprise =] Good luck!
I have no idea.
A year ago, I was totally against it...and then there was this amazing guy...you get the idea. We only dated for a short time, but it was wonderful while it lasted.
Despite that though, I don't think I would ever do it again. If what you want is a relationship that will last, don't get into a relationship when you know it won't. You are just setting yourself up for disappointment. I think that when people deliberately get into short-term relationships, they do it because what they want is to have a good time for right now and not worry about the future. Again, if what you want is a lasting relationship, stick to that. You'll be much happier and more fulfilled in the end.
hey I love ur question !!! I always had that in mind but never fully answer the question for myself.
I currently have a long distance relationship, and sometimes i do wonder why I decided to be with him because marriage seems so difficult to happen, but honestly you never know what could happen in the future and secondly i have never, honestly never been so happy in a relationship. I took the change and i am risking all b/c a lot of ppl think that it is a fail relationship, that MIGHT be true but who can tell me that it is 100% sure, no body, so why not take a change, I live my life with no regrets.
This is the exact case with me and my boyfriend. We knew from the get-go that it wasn't going to last due to our religious differences, but we entered into the relationship anyway because we didn't want to live on what-ifs and what-might-have-been's, if you will; we knew we had really strong feelings for each other. As the relationship progressed and grew, we learned many things from each other. In other words, we both took the experience as a lesson learned. We both grew and had no regrets that we happened at all.
Some people date for fun and some date for the experience.
Btw, my boyfriend and I have lasted a year so far.
You can't help how you feel. Take the chance and maybe you'll find yourself more open towards the idea of marrying a Chinese girl in the end. Who knows? Life is full of surprises.
@jeezshoua@xanga - hey i love ur last paragraph!!!
so don't date her and continue to be close-minded [shrug]
what was the point of this post?
You're about to make the same mistake I did. Don't think about it too much that relationships end in short time limits. Consider the possibilities of a relationship like predicting a Hash Algorithm: You can't! That's the "Chance" aspect of ANY relationship, they could be long lasting or they could be short. Nobody knows where the relationship could take them, which is why people are willing to keep on trying until they get it right.
However, the short time in itself can be a blast. Hell, even if it doesn't work out, make a friend out of it. Despite what any jerk-off will tell you; the friend zone IS better than nothing.
Oh, two other things about your problems at hand
1: You can't say you are open to all possibilities of lovers, and then single out a Korean woman as your wife of choice. Still if you don't see yourself marrying this particular woman, it's best not to waste both of your time and just say that you're not that interested in her.
2: You don't know shit about where your love life will take you. Don't shrug off this chick; especially if you find the Korean girl dating market tough as hell. Everybody has a dream lover in mind. Guess what they'll end up with at least 60% of the time?
Just to be comforted by someone else... People dont like to be alone and its ok if they are happy just for a moment because they will find another sooner or later.
You should just leave her alone because its not fair to her at all.
I am also the type of person who wants a serious relationship, hoping that it'll last.
But... you never know what might happen in the future.
And I think most people have a relationship, even if they knew it wasn't gonna last, for the experience and the chance to be with that person, even if it was for a short period.
Give it a try, you never know what might happen!
I used to think I'd marry a "Korean" instead of a "Chinese". (Different nationalities, though.) And then one day, I was just like... fuck this, what if all the "Koreans" are bitches? I certainly don't want a "Korean" guy straight out of Korea. They'd have to be Americanised.
That's just how it has to roll.
So I figure, why not date the "Chinese" guy. He might be just the same. Different language, different customs... but he's fine. And what if it does work out?
My parents married "Korean" and now they're divorcing. Obviously only marrying "Korean" doesn't mean it'll last.
I'd rather be happy and it last, than have a "Korean" to have my arm around and pretend like I'm happy then end up divorcing in the future.
It might sound sad but... I see dating as two things. One, practice. Two, a fun past-time.
you wouldnt know beforehand if you'll be with this person for a long time. it might change over the course of knowing each other well.
but i do know where you're coming from.. if you're not ready to commit to someone, then dont date date, just go on fun dates, but not being official. dont make a move unless you know you would want* to be with this person.
but *shrug, people do it to experiment / find their 'the one's
I'm in one at the moment.
Because i just cant pull myself away from him..