Friday, 06 March 2009
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Was Your Last Breakup A Rational One?
I'm writing about this after the fact, but I was dumped by my girlfriend of two and a half years a while back. We were doing the whole long distance thing with me being in grad school and her still in undergrad. As with many LD relationships, being so far away from one another and not having very much time to communicate daily made for a strained atmosphere. But I tried my best to keep in touch in addition to schoolwork, which was totally killing me. My girlfriend at the time had a more easygoing schedule and would spend time hanging out with her friends, etc. Toward the end, she had been hanging out with a guy that was definitely into her (and even tried to make a move) and telling her that it was okay because I was so far away and pretty much out of the picture. She told me that she fended him off and told him that it was inappropriate. Fast forward a few months and guess what? He's the guy that she dumped me for. We broke up over the phone with her telling me that she didn't love me anymore and felt bad about the whole thing. She was crying and generally sounding very apologetic, and I was frankly stunned but not entirely surprised by the situation.
I had not and would never tell her who she could and couldn't hang out with despite being able to see what was going on a thousand miles away. Being the type B person that I am, I told her it was all right and that she should be happy. Looking back, I feel like I should have stood up for myself just a little bit. But no good would have come out of that situation, so I am left wondering if what I did was fair. Then again, had I miraculously convinced her to not break up with me, I think it would have simply delayed the inevitable, as the urge to break up was already there to begin with for my ex.
My general question to the public is to ask how your most recent breakup went. Was it an explosive affair like the dramas on television, or was it more restrained and agreeable? Or was it like mine, a dud that was the result of some sort of foresight? Do you feel like the outcome was favorable or would you like to do it over again?
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Comments (33)
Hmmm, my past three "relationships" just kind of ended. No words were spoken on any account. I wasn't really interested in them, and I don't know about their side, but it was probably mutual. Really, no words were even spoken. Luckily it wasn't a real "relationship" in any of them, because it wasn't made formal in any case. So.
But with one of the relationships before that, I wrote the guy a letter and he never called again, we haven't spoke again plain and simple.
One time I broke up with a guy though, and he totally blew up about it. He was yelling and everything, wanting to know why.
I prefer them to be low-key, and I definitely prefer them to be mutual.
perhaps now you can date your classmates in your grad program! heh. jk. sorta.
My last one was an emotional breakup for both of us. Even though I initiated it I wasn't happy that we had to break up , I just wasn't very happy in the relationship. While I loved him a lot and still do, it just wasn't working so I got out. He says it was mutual, because he would never force me to stay in a relationship I wasn't happy in, and when I told him I wasn't happy then he asked if I would like to be friends.
It's been really tough on both of us.
My ex-girlfriend dumped me for the same reasons you mentioned, minus there being another guy (that I know of). The long distance thing is a beotch. She told me she no longer was in love with me and didn't have those feelings like she used to, but still wanted to remain friends and left the idea of possibly getting back together open for the future "if her feelings came back." So I would say that yes, this was a rational break-up because anytime someone loses feelings for the other person, you can't go on, especially in extra-tough circumstances like a long-distance relationship, or else you're just kind of faking it.
LD's are really hard to get by. My previous relationship ended not favorable on my part. Without realizing where the relationship was heading, he broke it off and potentially broke my heart. I wouldn't do it again because it was too emotionally painful for me.
But, I kind of thank him for breaking it or else I wouldn't have learned what to cherish in a full-bloom relationship.
Mine was terrible. He started ignoring me like I was a stranger, completely cutting off all contact and acting like I was a stalker. Basically, he dumped me without telling me and I never got closure because he never told me why. I tried talking to him for months after he started ignoring me but he still was being immature so I gave up. 2 years later, he tried to talk to me like I was a new classmate and I exploded. Maybe that was his way of reconciling but I was furious. idk, was that rational of me to refuse to talk to him then?
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - Wow. I would be piss too. But after giving him a piece of my mind, I would hear him out. I think.
My last relationship was, well, I let the dude hang. I told him my reasons (why I left the relationship) and we just kinda.. never talk about it until two years later. A closure, I guess you can say.
My last relationship ended because of the long distance bull crap. He was in Iraq and I was in GA. He was a coward...he didn't believe that long distance relationships could work and freaked out because he thought the relationship was getting too serious. Now he's back in the States and crawling back to me wanting to start all over again.
My response: Too bad.
My last break up was kind of stupid. At first, the whole relationship was rushed, with him saying he was falling in love after just two weeks, then it ended with him saying he could never see himself completely in love with me and committed to me and my family...after three months of dating.
It was...weird.
My ex broke up with me because all of a sudden he didn't love me anymore- something about Sense and Sensibility.
Make sense to you? Me neither.
My last breakup occurred when my friend decided he was going to settle for second best, which was me, and then two days later had his ideal SO come around and all of a sudden I was no longer needed. So yeah, that wasn't a rational breakup and I guess I could say it wasn't a rational get together on his part.
my last breakup before meeting my mate was rational on my part, but kinda stupid on the guy's part. he pretty much started pushing me away and acting like we weren't "together" in a real sense when he definitely asked me to be his girlfriend exclusively. So yea, he pretty much abandoned me, but then I contacted him because I wasn't gonna let him just slip out so cowardly and leave it sorta hanging in this weird "relationship". We talked about it and decided to end it. Then he started coming around again a couple of months later...and I was for it at the beginning...but then I just was like "naw, not doing this again" and that was it. We were still cool though.
Like a year later though we talked about everything that went down between us (while I was dating my now husband) and he apologized for handling it so poorly, saying that knowing then what he knows now in terms of maturity we would still be together. Oh well, he's a very nice guy, but I'm married to the guy I met two weeks after I decided to leave him alone so yay me!
With my last relationship, I kinda felt it coming because the chemistry fizzled. I'm kinda glad it happened because now he's turned into this completely different person (and not in a good way). The only regret I have is that I should've ended it first... I wasn't happy in the relationship and I thought that things would get better. Oh well, the past is the past.
yes and it was mutual. i hate messy breakups.
Ha my last two were f****d. The first one I was dating a chick for 7 years and ended up being left for my so called best friend )= So I moved from alabama to California to try to forget, and get away from many things we had together. So I went there, and ended up dating a girl, it started on shaky ground, she was my brothers best friends girl, she left him for me....but she was still messing around with him for like 4 months after. So we moved in together, and it was rocky, I came home one night after she went to a party with her friend to two dudes at MY house and me being told to leave. I came back out here to try to get my life together a lil, and the day she moved out of hour apt...like a month after I left she moved in with this other guy I knew out there.......fighting for it doesnt work, it just pisses people off.....but eh whatever she hates me now, I dont hate her idk why I guess I care too much for her.
mine was explosive.
mine was explosive. i met this guy and he somehow got my number, called randomly and wanted to hang out. he'd message and comment on all my pictures about how beautiful i was. he chased me for months and frankly, i never gave him the time of day. i just wasnt interested. but finally one night i was hanging out at a fair with one of my friends and he met up with us. it was a pretty fun night. so after that night i finally gave him a chance. i figured, if he's beeng chasing me for months, then he must be worth it right? we dated for 6 months... and 3 months in we started having problems. i caught him in lies, he treated me like crap, and eventually i ended up catching him cheating on me. it boggled my mind how i knew this guy for months and he acted one way... then once we started dating everything just changed. anyway, the break up was horrible.... all of them were. we'd break up and he'd beg for me back. i gave him more then enough chances. at one point he threatened to kill himself if i didnt take him back. it was ridiculous. once we "broke up for good" all we did was fight... until i finally couldnt take it anymore and ended all contact with him.
Uh. My last relationship ended kind of awkwardly. We started off as friends. Then we started going out after I broke up with my boyfriend. Then my ex told me he was told by my current boyfriend that he liked my best friend. It was probably a lie since my ex never liked him from the start but he wasn't the only one who told me that. I confronted my boyfriend about it and he admitted that he liked her and that I was pretty much a backup since he knew she wouldn't go out with him so we agreed to be friends. From then on, things got awkward as hell and I started avoiding him. He got really upset and I tried to make up for it but it went all wrong and finally it ended with us pretty much blaming each other for all of our problems and now we don't talk. If I could go back in time, I would have never gone out with him because we were better off as friends. Sometimes I think about calling him up or inviting him to hang out with our old group from HS but I can't see it happening. Oh well.
I had a very strange break-up. It was 5 years ago, he was practically my best friend (I met him through another friend and we maintained a long distance thing since he moved away)
Apparently he flew in for holidays and we were going to meet up (by then, after 2 years of friendship, we realized that we liked each other)
We had one date and I never heard from him again, fast forward several months, I'm finding out the truth about him, he lied about everything, turns out he's a local delivery boy! Oh and he got a girlfriend, fast forward another 2 years and they're still together.
I stopped wondering what happened with him, and it's been 5 years since we were friends, and recently he came into my life and said he wants me back and he was a stupid person and screwed things up! Basically stalking me and I'm having a hard time coping. He screwed my life very badly, I couldn't move on and find happiness and I had a very messed up break-up.
It was not agreeable, the outcome was not favorable and I don't know what I'd do if I could do it all over again! I guess if I knew that he was the person I later found out about I wouldn't have gotten into anything with him. :| Hopefully in the future it will be a lot more normal!
i moved to new zealand. Didnt call or respond to email. Ive been trying to break up with him when I was still int country but hes soooo clingy
i found out my ex was cheating on me. i guess i should've known. i may have already an intuition that he might be doing something but i was juss in denial. till the day i really found out. im not really sure what happened next. it seems so blurry to me now. it felt like it happened so fast. we broke up that night i found out. i cried myself to sleep that night. but maybe after a few days or a week, i caught him online. but i didnt IMed him but he did. we starting talking we kinda got a closure. i wasnt that bitter anymore, maybe juss a little bit. i wasnt mad at him anymore. i was mad at myself for being so blind.
the question was if i like the outcome of all that(something like that), at first i gotten some trust issue. there were guys who i started flirting with but none of them i was interested in starting a relationship with them. i was broken. but then now, i feel like the outcome of that was favorable to me. like they said when one door closes, another opens. we have to believe that everything happens for a reason so that everything will fall into its place.
well, it was messy very messy, lost contact totally for a few weeks, no responses nothing. i guess its all for the best.
My last relationship ended in a fight, about him not caring and showing me he cares. I felt like I didnt matter at all to him, & after telling him this he made it worse, and than he ignored me for 3 days, so I left him a voicemail breaking up with him.
All my break ups have been a little weird...
With my first boyfriend, he said he wanted to "take a break," which I assumed meant "break up," and three days later he told me he wanted me back. I said no, and he started making threats of suicide... But I stood my ground and kept with it.
With my second boyfriend, I tried breaking up with him two or three times before I could stand my ground against his arguing and say that I wanted to. So yea, even if you argued with her to stay with you she probably would have broken up with you in the end anyway.
mine is a drama straight from court tv college style