To those of you in successful long term relationships, I ask, what do you credit for your long-running hit? What kind of daily compromises must you make to keep the dream alive?
For those of you with failed relationships or who have not yet been able to sustain a relationship for more than one to three years: why do you think you haven't been as successful? Did you rush through the courtship? Were your expectations too high?
Were you willing to put in the grunt work that LTRs definitely require?
It's all give and take - were you ready to do both?
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Comments (83)
I'm in a long term realtionship its been a year and 7 months., and it only works because we have a rule. Never go to sleep mad any arugements from that day must be resolved befor we lay down to sleep. Sometimes it takes all night, but its worth it.
My husband is in the desert right now and we knew before we even got married that he'd be getting deployed there. We just decided to stay committed to each other and make it work. Sometimes I don't get to talk to him for days but, we know that we are each other's number one priority (after God) and we will be okay.
With mine, I think we kind of rushed through things...although everything seemed to be working all right and he was receptive and such.
Im always williing to put in the grunt work but once I see him doing things behind my back...its OVER. I can fall out of love with the snap of my fingers.
I only managed to have on HAPPY long term relationship that is stable and promising. I met him actually on facebook while I was visiting my home country. While on vacation I decided I should try to find some ppl from my own home city because they arent that many of them. I ended up messaging this guy and we talked for 2 months till I came back. We finally decided to meet up and chill because it turned out we have some common friends and dont live that far from each other. Anyways first time we went to dinner some bum told him you have a very beautiful wife! Now almost two years later we planning on moving in soon and going back to our home city together! What made it work is I think out similarities. It easier to make it work when there isnt much u dissagree on. Everything just works. PLus I believe that best relationships stem from friendship
I credit maturity to be the binding factor in my LTR. The last one I had fell apart because neither one of us was mature enough to handle a serious LTR and it's complications (among many other problems). My current one (2 years) has a lot to do with being older and better able to communicate with each other. Since we're also an LDR, we also make the most of the time we have together (which is normally not more than 5 days out of a month) and are willing to put in the effort to make that time special.
As long as your main focus is wanting to make your SO happy, you're golden. Because that desire will allow you to compromise.
@TATASOCUTE@xanga - Totally agree! It's not really a rule for us, it's unspoken, but my fiance and I have never fallen asleep or woken up angry.
I credit the success of my relationship entirely to communication. I don't know how much I can stress that. I can't count the number of times talking to friends, hearing stories of the aftermath, and on this site even, that people have complained or whined or been annoyed, felt mistreated etc. and it all could have been solved just by telling their SO that they weren't happy about something. Communication.
And if you're worried that your feelings won't be taken seriously by the other person give it a shot anyway, usually you'll be surprised, and if it turns out that you're not being taken seriously, then is it really worth putting up with whatever you're putting up with on top of having a SO that won't listen to you? Communication, I don't see how any relationship could function well without it.
I've been with my husband for 17 years. Our secret is to respect each other. He treats me with the utmost respect, has never, ever called me a name, has never sworn/cursed at me, and has stood tall and proud next to me. Nobody is perfect, and we both understood from the outset that we come prepackaged with all of our flaws. Take me as a whole package or not at all. And that is just what we did. I have never tried to change a thing about him, nor has he ever tried to change a thing about me. We came to agreements over the years of how we would handle different situations. We are in an equal partnership. There is no "I make more than you, so I get more say in what we do/buy/whatever" That has also worked in our favor because when we met, I didn't have an education, and now that I am a college graduate, I make about the same salary he does.
We talk. We do things together, but we also give each other space. We are not jealous of each others jobs, friends, hobbies, etc. And though we each have friends and family that we spend time with either individually or together, we like to spend time with each other more than anything else. We have fun together.
I could go on and on
It's been six years that I've been with my husband and my flame for him is still pretty alive and burning. We communicate every day and show our love to one another like giving each other a hug when one of us comes home from work, a peck on the cheek, or calling each other from work if the other wants anything on the way home, etc. Showing a little can go a long way and it just makes both of us appreciate each other more.
@s2_LoveStar_s2 - I so agree. Your S.O. should be your friend first and foremost!
@nauticaloblivion@xanga - With out communication it would def. fail and why would u wanna go to sleep mad or wake up mad.
@ jeezshoua@xanga - that is really cute lol. and yes doing little things can go a long way.
but yeah I never had a LTR really... longest was three months during the summer time. and I'm 20 almost going to be 21 in October lol. but hey... I guess I haven't really found anyone who's worth staying with for so long. And sometimes it's the guy that wants to break things off with me. whatever though... maybe someday I'll find someone right for me haha but until then I'm fine with the way things are =]
Well, Skype is a life-saver, no doubt. Being able to see your SO really helps it feel like you're still...y'know...dating and not just talking from time to time.
Packages in the mail are always exciting, and it's a good idea to send them on holidays. Don't think that just because you're not around means you don't have to send a valentines day present =P.
I think the most important thing, though, is that you go into it knowing that it's going to work and wanting it to work...and definitely KNOWING you're going to see each other again. If you don't have that attitude from the get-go, it's going to be a nightmare.
@Angelina_Everlong@xanga - LOL YEP IT ALWAYS WORK...
mine was an epic failure cuz the guys i dated were selfish and uncommitted. there's nothing wrong with me (:
um...
having interests in common really helps, and coming up with a style of communication in the relationships that works for both you (our style: he can't figure how he's feeling, i notice he's acting like he has PMS, i ask how what he's feeling & hit him for not figuring/noticing it out faster LOL)
yeah, it seems like a bad style but 3+ years later we're still very happy
My boyfriend and I spent a year 100 mile apart. With frequent phone calls and monthly visits, we were able to make it work.
It was hard, but it was worth it.
Be each others best friend. Be independent from them--capable of
standing on your own two feet without them. Never EVER take them for
granted. Communicate your feelings.
Don't ever lose yourself, but be willing to share yourself with your SO.
Be each others best friend. Be independent from them--capable of standing on your own two feet without them. Never EVER take them for granted. Communicate your feelings.
Don't ever lose yourself, but be willing to share yourself with your SO.
I was with my boyfriend for only less than a year before we went to separate colleges. We had a long-distance relationship for about 5 1/2 years, which included finishing our degree and him working at his first job in the same city his college was. He found a job where I was and moved in with me, and now we're engaged! I admit... it's not easy and is definitely a test of how strong your relationship is, as well as how hard you are willing to try... but I think it was all worth it. He is the love of my life and we've been together for over 9 years now!
@oOBuBBLes711Oo@xanga - Then your not inlove if you can fall out of love so quickly...
im in one, and its going like crap right now.
but i think it may be timing, we met in september, dated 4 months, stopped talking now we're back and tomorrows our 3rd week.
but he ignores me..
blah im learning to be strong
because i dont want to be pushy
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. This is the longest relationship that I have ever been in. Of course we have our issues, but some how we work it out. We talk throughout the day so even if we are away from each other it doesn't feel like it because we know what is going on with each other.
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. What kept us together is honesty, communication, maturity, and love. I agree that the little things can go a long way. Make sure you show your SO that you love them, don't just tell them.
Another factor that kept us together is that we have always stuck by eachothers side, no matter what. Two years into our relationship, I was diagnosed with cancer (at 17 years old). He never left me. He treated me like an angel. Did everything for me. I relapsed and was diagnosed again at 18 years old. We have been through so much more than other couples have, and I can truly say that is a strong bonding thing in our relationship.
We both don't do anything to make eachother angry, or jealous. We never go to bed angry, and if we do, it's forgotten about in the morning. We have a great sense of humor with eachother, and we never let anyone or anything come in between us.