Miss FoxMy roommate is still dealing with an on-and-off relationship- she thinks he's too involved with the relationship, but he thinks that she's not involved enough. Basically, they are certainly not on the same page.
One argument that they seem to have a lot is that he never feels like she "loves him enough". While nothing about her or her habits have changed, he seems to think that she needs to text him sweet nothings and call him at every chance she gets, which is not consisten with her personality at all. Finally, after their third phone-fight of the day (they know each other from home, but we go to school two hours away), she turns to me and says, "How do you show someone every day that you care about them? Don't people just know?"
Although I couldn't say "yes, people do just know," I couldn't figure out a way to tell her how to show her boyfriend that she cares about him day in and day out. I figured that sending a text just saying "I'm thinking of you" would be the perfect way, but I couldn't suggest that, seeing as I don't do that for my own boyfriend (and I'm not one to preach what I don't practice).
Then it hit me that although I don't hear it from him or tell him every day, I know that I do care and love my boyfriend. Sure, I get weary at times when things get hard, but it's not often that I second guess our relationship. Unlike my roomie's boyfriend, I don't need the constant reassurance of my SO's love.
Do you need the reassurance from your SO that he/she loves you, or are you one of those people who "just knows"? In what ways could you show your SO that you love him or her, even if you don't see him/her every day?
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I know it, but I like to ask (a lot sometimes) just to hear him say it again.
I think sometimes I was afraid his answer would change.
I know that he loves me, but I like to hear it. So even though we both know it, we both scream 'I love you' at each other every 5 minutes. We hold hands, text cute messages, it's a matter of what you prefer and what you're willing to do for the other in order to make them feel loved.
Loving them is not the only thing to do, you also have to express it and show it to the highest point.
Used to. I love hearing it but I know it's something that's not going to happen every 5 minutes like my affectionate ways want it to be.
In any case I am working toward being more independent, as I have a simply amazing guy in my life right now - rather not screw it up again. I have ruined many relationships like this, and it is a vicious cycle for me. Tempting to want him to hold me, kiss me, hug me, more than he's willing to do. I know it's stupid but who wouldn't want that kind of attention? It's AWESOME.
Just appreciate what you have, is my advice. This habit has plagued me for the last time. XP
Okay..
here's the thing.
Even though you know they might love you,
a Reminder isn't always too bad.
It makes you feel special& is greatly appreciated.
i think it's just insecurity... i used to be like that for my ex but now i'm not, i'm in a great relationship, maybe there are other problems
Little things amount to a lot. Give smiley faces online, hug him/her out of nowhere, be responsive to him/her. It doesn't always have to be spoken reassurance, but after a while of seemingly platonic outings, a person can become weary of the attitude. If your SO is important to you, he/she needs to know it. That doesn't mean he/she has to feel it 24/7. He/she just needs to recognize that there's more to the relationship than friendship. If one party is putting more into the relationship than the other, it isn't quite fair.
I need reassurance every so often, but not a lot.
My boyfriend also says that I don't show him that I love him enough.. I thought I did. I've been getting better he says.. but I also thought people should know. I also love being showed that I am loved, but I wouldn't risk a relationship if love isn't being showed enough.
Because what is enough?
I'm also one of the people that "just know" that my significant other loves me. I don't need daily reminders or assurance but it wouldn't hurt either. It's a win-win situation.
Usually when my husband comes home from a long day at work, I give him a hug and a peck on the cheek. I'll ask him how his day was and if he had dinner yet. Or when I haven't seen him the entire day (he usually stop by to have lunch with me), I'll give him a call to see how he's doing and tell him that I miss him.
As for him, when he's on his way home, he usually call me and ask if I want him to stop by any place to get me anything that I need or want to eat. This tells me that he's thinking of me (hehe). And other times when I "forget" to kiss or hug him when he comes home, he usually ask for it.
I think your roomie could call or text her boyfriend a simple "I miss you" message. But if it's not her, her boyfriend just need to chill and remind himself that she does care/love him. They could just find a way to balance it out.
this reminds me of "enchanted" - "how does she knows that you love her" You dont really need to say "i love you" everyday. I know i need reassurance but that can be in the form of little surprises, gifts, give up game time and spend movie time with me (cuddles), give me the attention, make me feel sexy, etc....those are all forms of reassuring your bf/gf...
oh i'm most definately an attention whore. i barely see him, so it's nice to know he's still thinking of me when we're not together 95% of the time
sounds like the guy is just super insecure. he ought to know his girlfriend isn't the oozing-romance-pining-for-affection-day-after-day kind of gal, so he should get over it. or they could meet in the middle. he can be less clingy, and she can be more textually affectionate.
lame sauce.
Oh man. My boyfriend and I just had a looong, emotional talk about this two days ago. I could not exist solely on "knowledge" because to me, love is a choice, so it needs to be shown. For him, love is a feeling -- so he doesn't need to show it, it just exists. But when I don't see him showing it, it's hard for me to recognize that it's there.
We're in an LDR, so when I miss him, I obsess. I did read an article that talked about how it's a natural urge to do that though, something about the chemicals in the brain... Anyway, when he misses me, he tries not to think about it.
This sooo does not work for me, because I truly start imagining the worst if I don't hear from him -- but to him, that doesn't mean anything. Of anything, "no news is good news."
Our problems are our communication styles; when I think of him, I text him or call. 1) because if I don't, I'll forget what it was I was thinking about, and i don't want to do that because I want him involved in my life 2) because I want him to know I'm thinking about him. He appreciates it and enjoys it, he simply doesn't do it back.
We found a middle ground though. I'm consciously trying to scale back on how much I text/call him -- for my own good. Needing someone's assurance of love/attention that desperately *isn't* healthy, and by seeking it too often, you're only fostering that dependence. He is making a point to call me sooner rather than later. He's not texting me all the time, but what he is doing is simply responding to my efforts to reach out to him. This lets me know that he notices I'm calling him and that he knows I need some reassurance of his love.
In my opinion, it's a plain courtesy to respond to someone's overtures of affection. A need for reassurance of love isn't wrong or bad, it's just personal preference (although it should never become an insane dependence).
Conclusoin: if someone needs reassurance of love, love and decency demands that it be given -- albeit with all things in moderation.
i am the type that ya even if i know i like to hear it and want to hear it.. to me if you love that person you should want to tell them that... mine boyfriend however thinks that he doesn't need to tell me all the time... what does that mean??? I am in a stand still at the moment
My boyfriend and I text each other throughout the usually, we usually say at least 15 times I love you to each other on a daily basis. But that's only because we don't talk too much on the phone and we send a text to show the other that we are thinking about them even when we are busy. I know he loves me and he knows I love him ( though sometimes he gets really insecure and asks me) but it's always nice to be told we are loved. And to take action on it. I surprise him with little gifts out of nowhere, things that remind me of him. I make him cds with songs I know he loves, stuff like that. And he does too. Not all the time, but just enough that we are both involved at the same level, I think that's the most important, that both people put in the same effort.
I am rarely ever confident when it comes to where I stand with people. Ask any of my exes and they'll tell you I need to be constantly reassured that yes, Im cute, yes Im funny, yes they love/like me, yes they arent just hanging with me cause Im forcing them, no they arent with me cause they're desperate, yes Im pretty, blah blah blah.
The past 2 guys that I've 'been' with have even pointed out that I dont trust people at all. Hence why even when they tell me they like me or think Im pretty I almost immediatly respond with "liar." I refuse to change in front of them and I dont even like them walking behind me. I get really nervous and start questioning everything they do.
I know it sounds horrible but I cant seem to help it. I get nervous and paranoid at everything and my mind just cant seem to accept the idea that someone actually likes me or think Im pretty. My parents have brought me up thinking I was a fat ugly bitch :/
What am I supposed to do?
Not a day goes by that my boyfriend and I don't say I love you to each other... I think it's physically impossible. But, every relationship is different and everyone likes different amounts of affection. My boyfriend and I always hold hands, we kiss each other when we first see each other, and when we leave each others' side; we say i love you at the randomest times and every time we get off the phone we don't say bye we say love you. It's always been this way and it's super appreciated in both ends.
I had a hard time being affectionate in the beginning and he showed me how, because I met him half way. And now, we're just as affectionate as the other, but it took adjusting. It's just a matter of how much you want to make that other person happy.
I know he loves me, but there's nothing like the reasurrance that can make me happier.
Ultimately, you should just know that they love you.
But reminders are very much appreciated.
Some people just need more reminders than others.
well...we don't have to show....they should have know...if not, why would we be with them??..if i don't love you, then why you are my bf?...do we still have to say how much me love you??...and i don't prefer sticking all day long with our love one...i need some space..if i miss you, i'll text you or maybe call you..it's just that simple......but of cause, some sweet texts and some sweet words would make the day gone perfect....
even if i know it to be true, i still like the reassurance. but for me its more about having trust issues. I have been done wrong so many times that i need to be shown that my guy loves me. it doesnt have to be EVERY day, but send a text telling me that you are thinkin about me, or that you love and/or miss me. that works for me. it puts me at ease.
i do need reassurance from my bf but only periodically. doesn't have to be everyday because if he does text me and tell me how much he loves me and misses me everyday if one day he doesn't i start to wonder.
with that said, my bf does text me everyday to tell me he loves me and misses me.
i think this shows that hes insecure if he wants to be reassured everyday by his gf that she loves him etc
i dont really need to tell my bf to give me reassurance.. he tells me he loves me every day b4 we sign off online. but i guess thats different cuz he's deployed... and i do the same for him too. i dont think its something for a couple to fight about.. you cant force a person to do what they dont wanna do.
I know it. But reassurance is always nice.
Sometimes, yes. It's nice to hear.