Miss ReindeerI've never been able to seriously date someone with vastly different political views from my own. I had a hard time talking to my Republican
friends during this past election, so I can't imagine what it must be like to have heated debates on a daily basis with the person you love. I did, however, have a disagreement with my boyfriend on who was the best Democratic candidate.
I became furious with the accusation that I was supporting my candidate simply because she was female and every time the election came up (which was often) I felt like I had to defend my choice constantly with points
he considered valid. The thing about my SO is he's a pretty argumentative person by nature.
He's currently in law school and a big part of his personality is playing "devil's advocate." He doesn't begin these debates with the intention of riling me up; rather, he genuinely enjoys the back-and-forth, while I tend to loathe it beyond belief.
When I'm angry, I'm not the most verbally articulate person and I get frustrated when I let my emotions get the best of me. I know what I'm trying to say, but I can't seem to get my point across because his points are upsetting to me. You follow? Just to clarify, this doesn't happen over stupid arguments but things or issues that mean a lot to me. I don't expect us to agree on everything - I'm realistic - but he will rarely go with old adage "agree to disagree." He wants to
win.
I shared my feelings with him and we talked about how we can communicate more effectively with one another on issues that are important to us. My SO has been doing much better in saving his debating inclination for the classroom, but obviously it slips in every now and then. I do my best to hold my own, but I still find it irritating.
Does your SO ever argue with you simply for the sake of it? How do you handle this kind of conflict?
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Comments (45)
wtf izzit to you gawdammit
Yeah my dad does that sometimes and it's pretty annoying but I can argue well, if the point is something I know I can defend. Otherwise I falter but I never choose anything I can't back up (except sometimes and then it's quite embarrassing to me, lol).
Um....my dad ISN'T my SO...I don't have one so I couldn't answer that lol.. just wanted to prevent confusion.
My husband and I (like any other couple) hates having heated up arguments. We try to avoid having any sort of arguments with one another but once in a blue moon, it happens. When it does, I'm usually the one who backs away from the argument and just shut myself out. Afterward, when we both are "calm" and can think rationally, we talk about the problem and try to solve it without the all the yelling and angry emotions involved.
But no, we never argue just for the sake of it. Sometimes we can go on without an argument for months and then, snaps. It will happen when we at least expected it.
@pansybradshaw@xanga - If you didn't want to reply, you didn't have to. Don't be rude.
@jeezshoua@xanga - i wuzznt bein rude i wuz arguing for the sake of arguing
My ex would argue about the most inconsequential things... Usually I just let him win to keep the peace, but every once in a while I would fight him for it. It kind of bothered me, but I wasn't going to let him win everything! We usually didn't end up agreeing, but if it was something that made me upset he'd usually apologize later.
@pansybradshaw@xanga - How mature.
@jeezshoua@xanga - That's good to hear. My SO and I usually get along really well, he just likes to debate now and then about so-called "big issues" and I'm just not too receptive to it. Though once in awhile I appreciate the challenge.
@greatsneha@xanga - crisis averted :)
Yeah, I'm not much for arguing either. I am ok with debating things but... if something heated comes up that I think is ridiculous I just kiss my gf until she shuts up. It works. Love conquers all haha.
@PunkRockCowboy@xanga - That's nice (the kissing until she shuts up). Maybe I should try that nice time. lol.
@jeezshoua@xanga - Do it, it's amazing. You can channel all their passion and intensity into something much more productive!
@PunkRockCowboy@xanga - I like the sound of that! I'm trying it next time!
@PunkRockCowboy@xanga - Haha. I'll definitely think about giving this a try next time. I wonder what his reaction will be? lol. Thanks for the great idea! Though I see it on movies sometimes, I never actually thought people did it in real life! Smooth!
I have the same unfortunate habit of debating just because I enjoy it. The past election provided one or two moments of strain, but once I found out that it probably wasnt best to keep going, I saved my thoughts for places like Xanga! XP
I think it depends on what you are trying to get out of it - if the other person thinks that you're trying to persuade them to agree with the point of view that you're presenting when they're happy with the decision they've made, then it's going to be ugly. Whereas if you're having a healthy debate covering all angles, it should be quite healthy.
Again, communication is key! XP
I don't like arguing at all, therefore I don't do it. My opinion on arguing is that it takes two to tango, you know? If he honestly loves debating (not arguing) then you could probably tone it down a little bit and you two could have a calm debate. But most of the time, for a debate to remain calm, it has to be kind of conversational and both people have to agree that they do disagree. It's just like a swapping of points, an explanation for the persons views. Real debates aren't necessarily meant for that, but when you have them in relationships, it should be more like a conversation so an argument doesn't occur.
If I knew that I was going to get worked up, I'd go ahead and tell them that and not let the conversation go on. "This is something I can get riled up over easily, let's spare each other and skip to another topic."
My SO and I pretty much have the same views on everything, so we haven't argued over anything at all.
Oooooh yes. My dad and I... phew... you should see us. It's not even that we're arguing with each other, it's just that we're both very strong-headed and want our way to be right. So we fight. What're ya gonna do?
@cmdr_keen@xanga - yeah, he's always good-natured about it and just wants to have a discussion. but sometimes i have to just tell him "hey, i'm not up for this today."
he sounds like you in that he just enjoys it!
@ReadMePlease146@xanga - Yeah same here!
There are some people that I just like to argue with. Most of the time, it's just for fun. I don't like really arguing though. I usually shy away from real arguments 'cause I'm very emotional, and most of the time I start yelling, which is bad.
I LOVE arguing politics with my husband! During the '04 elections we would get into such hard core arguments we would quit speaking, but that would get us all hot, and well.. led to political make-up sex. We're odd, I know.
I'm like this.
I grew up with a history and political buff father, and an extremely opinionated mother. I got those traits from them, and unfortunately, I love to debate. It's a great way for me to further refine my debating skills as well as get a gauge on someone's on beliefs and help define my own better. I need the mental stimulation. It's not to put the other person down or piss them off, I just need to argue else I get bored.
I cannot stand it when people argue for the sake of arguing, and I tend to avoid those people as much as possible. My ex loved to argue about politics and religion, and it annoyed me to no end, especially when he called it "debate".
I totally want to have something to say about this because I'm one for a spot of arguing now that then (it's a form of release). But this post made me realize I've never dated a guy with passions OR emotions... And thinking back, there has never been arguing during any of my relationships. How unbelievable.
pansybradshaw@xanga - hahahaha. sorry what you wrote was pretty funny to me... lol.