Wednesday, 04 March 2009
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My Ex Keeps Calling Me - What Does He Want?
My ex has been calling me for some time now. We broke up last year after he admitted to cheating on me. I scoffed at him, told him a few colorful words and shut him out of my world. A few months later, he started calling me. I became flustered - why was he calling me? So I just ignored them, and he would keep calling. Most of my friends hate him - some because of his personality, and some because of his cheating ways. Every month, he would call; two months ago, he called several times, but yet, I would not answer. He texted me pleading me to pick up because he wanted to tell me something and that he didn't want to tell me in a text because it would be lame. I hesitated. We began texting back and forth. What could he possibly want to tell me? That he has a new girlfriend, that he moved on, that he thinks I'm stupid?
When he called me, I just stared at my screen and decided to pick up. Right away, he started talking about how he doesn't hate me, how he missed me and how he still loved me. All of that. I was not convinced at all. In a monotone voice, I would answer him with "no" and "yeah". It became clear to me that he wanted to get back with me. I declined when he asked for a second chance with me. He promised he would change his ways and that he would never cheat again. Still, I wasn't convinced and told him I had to go.
Still, he keeps calling me. What does he want?
Does he really want a second chance, or is he using me as a backup until the next best thing happens?
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Comments (67)
he wants boom boom.
It's always hard to judge when an ex wants you back. You can never be truly sure about the reasons.
Be true to yourself and if you don't feel like getting back with him don't. Don't let him pressure you by his calls, make your own decision. =)
Let's see, how do I put this delicately...?
He wants to bone you.
I don't know what he wants; from your post, he could either be genuine or he could be using you as backup.
What's more important is what YOU want.
Do you want to get back together with him? If so, then you and him need to have a good, long talk about how EXACTLY things are going to change this time around.
If you don't want to get back together with him, then tell him so and don't get back together with him.
Why do you care what he wants? Would that change your mind?
@abcxunt@xanga - I'm inclined to think so too.
I think yu should continue doing what your doing, move on dont go backwards he isnt worth it. he should have thought about that before he cheated but obviously he let his penis think for him so now he lost out big time. doesnt matter what he wants dont bother with it at all. its pointless in even trying to figure out what he wants or what he even have to say to you. I hope you find someone thats good to you and that wont cheat on you...GOODLUCK!!!! =]
It depends on the person.
He could just want sex or he could feel genuinely sorry. If you feel emotionally stable enough, I'd hear him out in person in a neutral place like for lunch where nothing can really happen because of emotion.
If you are unconvinced, then leave it alone, but if you think he might be genuine, see him a few more times and see if he has the patience to wait for you to be ready for you to resume your intimacy.
The key here is to open up like you are a new couple again and not just jump into bed, no matter how much you might want it.
Before I married my husband I told him flat out, "I know that every marriage has it's ups and downs, but I want you to know one thing. I'll put up with a lot of things as I'm sure you will too, but IF you ever hit me or cheat on me that's it, there's NO second chance; I'll be gone and out of your life for good. I just want to make sure that's perfectly clear and that you understand that BEFORE we commit to anything." And so far we've both held true to that commitment. Good luck, whatever you decide to do!
Tell him to cry for you. Tell him to come over and get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness.
Then tell him to go jump off a bridge. That ought to solve your problems. good luck. :)
you obviously already know not to go back... he probably just wants some easy sex
Tell him if you get back together, you won't be comfortable having sex with him for at least a year. See what he says then.
um, how about this- who cares what he wants?
you're past him and whatever he does want is likely nothing you want to give him (unless he actually does want a swift kick in the twins....).
forgive him, yes- and make that clear. but don't take him back. wish him well and send him on his way. that's the only way for this situation to resolve.
:)
he might genuinely want to be with you, but I wouldnt recommend going back to him. He might stop calling if you leave on the right foot, tell him you forgive(or have come to terms with) him, but dont want him in your life, that you dont need people like that in your life.
@abcxunt@xanga - its true...
I agree with all you! If you feel it's not right, it's not. Women's intuition is never wrong. I'm actually going through the same exact thing. I always have to tell him, "What's in the past is in the past and it's gonna stay there." I think it's working cause he hasn't called for a while.
The right guy will come along when you least expect it, you just gotta have patience and faith that God will provide.
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - This is a great suggestion! If he really loved you, he would agree with this. If you really wanted to turn the screws and see just how badly he wants to get back with you, I'd say to him "nothing sexual" for at least the first year.
My one caveat would be that something like this w/could drive him back to cheating... but it would be a good "test", for want of a better word.
Overall, though, is that our friends usually can see things that the people in a relationship are too blind to see. I'd trust their instincts on this one. Stay out of his life. You can do FAR better.
....
YOU know what he wants.
Don't even lie.
nah cheating is a no-no. why be with someone who cheated on u, unless u have poor self-esteem or are very very desperate. he needs to learn a life lesson, if he valued you he wouldn't have done what he did. he's selfish and he could just want some sex.
He wants sexy time. oooooh yeahh!
and maybe a bit of that relationship junk. I have heard this story all too many times and usually it is because sex. It is now your choice to decide whether you want him.I agree with what some people said. It really depends on what YOU want, not what he wants. It sounds genuine that he wants to get back with you, but not sure how serious of a relationship he wants. It sounds like you don't want to be with him, if so, don't. Tell him you do not want to be with him now, nor ever. Tell him to stop bothering you.
That kind of guy just wants something that he can't have. That's why he keeps calling you. Once you give in, he will treat you the way he was, cheating on you, because then he has something else to go for, that he can't have.
You deserve somebody who repests you for you. Block his number, stop txt him. It just not worth it.
booty call.
you know, sloppy ex-sex.
It is true that none of us know what he really wants.
He could want sex or he could really mean it. He did go through a lot of trouble. And I have known people who have cheated before and would never do it again. So, he can change.
This is something that you have to sit down and think about it. Do you still love him? Are you willing to forgive him? And then you can decide what to do.
@Nicola_Six@xanga - Great advice. Often we are influenced by those around us and do what others want instead of paying attention to what we want.
hahaha my ex did that. but my belief is "once a cheater, always a cheater". So I moved on and got a boyfriend =) For the past like... 3 months he still texts me, might i mention he has a girlfriend? yeah.. lots of girls gets back with the guy only to see a month into the relationship he is still the same. Then there are also some cases where the guy actually changed. Look at factors like... over the past year has he got a job, doing anything with potential in his life? Maturity is important.