Wednesday, 04 March 2009

  • What A Difference Two Years Can Make

    At ages 28 and 30, a woman and man can live in harmony. Two years isn't much of a difference when you're already settled down. You're in the same stage of your life - you've finished school, already settled into a career, and are maybe planning on starting a family.

    At 17 and 19 - well, that's a whole different story. That's the last year in high school and the second year college. Grade 12 was a stressful year trying to get all my grades up, trying to fit in time for sports and yearbook committee, other extracurriculars, who I'm going to prom with - nothing serious to worry about except maybe what college I plan on attending.

    This year, my second year of college, I'm really figuring out the real world; my grades are not exactly what matter, but rather what my ideas can bring to the table and which professor I need to get references from. I have no time for sports or other activities; I have seven courses in only one semester. I need to start networking - getting to know more people in the outside world, or the advertising world, for that matter. I need to figure out how I can pay for things like books and transportation and balance school, work, family, church (I go twice a week, with two hour-long choir practices) and this boyfriend of mine. And the next thing I need to worry about is getting an internship at the best advertising agency in Toronto.

    I'm not worrying about which college I'm going to.
    I'm not dreaming about the boy in my geography class anymore.
    I'm not worrying about what the girls in gym class said about me.
    I'm not worrying about fitting with the in crowd.

    I'm worrying about if I can get a steady job after these 4 years of school.
    How I'm going to pay for an apartment.
    I'm worrying about what my boss will say about me - if I get one.
    Trying to figure out how I can work with the top advertisers in Toronto.

    I'm 19. He's 17. We've been together since he was 15 and I was 17, but now our lives are starting to take different paths. How is this supposed to work? Especially when I've graduated and he'd be just in his second year of college  ?

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Comments (43)

  • SerenaDante@xanga

    WOW. This is exactly the same as my boyfriend and I, down to a tee... we got together when I was 17 and he was 15, and now I'm 19 and he's almost 17.


    From my experience, college has been pretty difficult. I moved from my hometown of Houston (where he also lives still) to Canada. It's definitely been tough, but we love each other... So we've made it work!


    As for what happens once you graduate and he's still in college... Well, same thing, I guess. Make it work! There are important things in life, but love is the one thing truly worth fighting for.
  • immaairheadxl@xanga

    @SerenaDante@xanga - Htown to CANADA????????


    lol.


    Whoa !!!!!!!


    I can't do long distance relationships..Hmm...and if you survived yoru second year of college already with him in HS..then hey...what else is there to stop..
  • cmdr_keen@xanga

    In my opinion, love should transcend boundaries of where each of you are in your lives. If it made no difference at ages 15 and 17 when you still had your differences at where you were in your lives.

    Why should it now matter at 17 and 19?

    You've already been through a lot together if you're able to maintain a relationship through high school for over 2 years.

    Why now are you thinking about throwing it away just because it might become inconvenient to YOU and YOUR plans. What about him? What about HIS plans? Have you talked to him about this? Methinks not.

    A relationship is all about compromise and realizing that unless you're on your own, you will never be able to do everything that you absolutely want to do on your time schedule. It is absolutely still possible for one person to still be in college while the other works, and if you're overloading your college semester just to be done, what's the rush?

    Something like this situation is not worth thinking about until it actually gets to that point. Who is to say that your boyfriend will even want to GO to college? It's not a necessity or requirement to be successful, you know.

    Ultimately, you're both individuals, with separate paths. Something to remember. Good luck.
  • SerenaDante@xanga

    @immaairheadxl@xanga - Lol, I'm only in my first year of college right now... But hey, I mean, it has been almost a year, and we've only seen each other a few times throughout (winter and spring break). But we're still going pretty strong. So yeah =)
  • Babii_Dragon@xanga

    Omg coincidence. Let me know when you find out.

    I'm becoming something more than friends with this guy. He's only a year younger than me, but he's two grades below me, education-wise. I'm a senior and he's a sophomore!
  • rzimmerman08@xanga

    Maybe he's just not the one. I'm a firm believer in fate. If it's supposed to work out in time, it will. If it's not, well then, it won't...
  • steph843@xanga

    You can make it work if you both really want it... but I imagine it takes lots of communication and love to help bridge the differences you're both experiencing at different parts of your life.
  • chickadee09

    @immaairheadxl@xanga - I agree: LDR is hard!
  • Angelina_Everlong@xanga

    I agree with Andy... if you made it work with this age gap in the beginning, and you both care about each other enough, it will continue to work.  A good thing to do would be to remind each other that the other person is in their future plans.  But I have to admit, it sounds to me as if you're feeling independent and perhaps on a totally different level than him... and that you don't think he could ever match up with you at this stage in the game- or later.  My best advice would be to do what your heart tells you.
  • Pure_Magdala@xanga

    If you love each other, you try to make it work - no matter how hard it gets or is. I firmly believe you should try everything before giving up. It's possible.
  • jeezshoua@xanga

    I have to say.. maturity does play a big part in between the age gap and the relationship itself.  Though two years is not that much of a big difference, sometimes it is.  You both just have to communicate and try to balance it out one way or another.  Though you guys might be in the same pages in life now, still, you guys will get there one day if both parties aim for the same accomplishments in life - completing your education, have a career that you want, being financially stable, and starting a family. 

    It's difficult but almost all relationship works the same.
  • abcxunt@xanga

    my fiance and i are almost seven years apart. and he still hasn't grown up.
  • xxthatsmexx@xanga

    It'll work if you both want it to work.  It's going to take effort from both parties, but I think it'll be a little easier in two years, actually.  He'll be in college and he'll have a better understanding of how life is going to work.  You'll be two years wiser, and you'll probably learn more about balancing out the stress with the perks of "the real world."
  • alzena@xanga

    my boyfriend and I are two years apart; i'm 22 and he's 20. We're also doing long-distance... it's really hard. The positives to an age difference are hard to see -- like a lot of people said, it's important to recognize each other for who you are, not necessarily where you each are at in life. My boyfriend is an airman stationed in Little Rock, Arkansas, while I'm a senior at Western Kentucky University. The good thing about knowing that graduation is coming is that afterwards, you're a free bird. And because we're committed to making it work, I'm moving to Little Rock once I graduate.

    If you've convinced yourself that you're both on different levels, that will be hard to get past. But I'm convinced that communication is key, and if in a relationship you have this, and you appreciate and are attracted to who the other person is, anything can be successful.
  • triplenamedchick@xanga

    You also have to stop and think, "Is this who I want to stay with?"
    Sorry to be all doom and gloom, but if you're questioning it now, then chances are he is too. Remember, you're only 19. There's no rush in settling down. And actually, relationship experts suggest exclusively dating at least a dozen people before settling down. It gets you out there and helps you see what you do and don't want from a partner. As ready as you think you are to commit, you might not be. Trust me, I'm 22 and I've already been engaged twice. Both times I ended it. I thought I knew what I wanted, and then I changed my mind.

    However, I do strongly suggest living together to see how it is going to work. If I hadn't lived with my last fiance, I'd be unhappily married to a bumbling, jobless moron. Things change a lot when you have to share space 24 hours a day.
  • black_lie@xanga

    good luck =) if you guys make it i think you'd be a great mentor for him
  • MrsCharlieBrown@xanga

    my husband was in his senior year of college when i was a freshman.  it was a struggle and i ended up dropping out of school after we got married because responsibility called and i couldn't work, be a wife, and be a full-time student and maintain my grades. i have also never been happier though.  yes it was hard, but now i am a housewife and it is AWESOME.

     if you and he both want it to work it will no matter what.  if the other things are more important, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that because i know a college degree is very important these days and occasionally i wish to go back to school myself.  just let it happen, and if you make it work great, if not then there is someone else out there just as good that is meant for you.  hope this helps at least a little!
  • happyobligations@xanga

    You've already experienced a big change when you went from high school to college. What did you do back then to adjust?
  • dayisDONE@xanga

    if your bond is strong, you'll be fine. he can help you keep you in touch with the world before all this craziness and you can help him enter said crazy world without sinking up to his nose in it.
  • haitiangal@xanga

    LDR Relationships often FAIL.
  • social_code@xanga

    i honestly think you can make it work. my boyfriend and i are 7 years apart. we started dating when i was in high school and we've been making it work for the past 4 years.
    yes its hard and you will come to times in the relationship where he's got different interests, viewpoints and what not to you, but if you love each other you will learn to make it work.

  • JazzedUpArcher@xanga

    So crazy! I'm going through the same deal! 

    It's pretty clear that at this stage in our lives, we are doing different things than our boyfriends are. I've had some trouble coming to terms with this, but the thing that keeps me going is simply the fact that I love him. He is exactly who I want to be with, and yes, our lives may be different, but it keeps things interesting. If your bf is a senior in high school, he'll be going off to school next year, and he'll start to be able to understand your situation better, which will put you back in a place of common ground. You'll be there to help him through the transition and make sure he doesn't stray off track. Once you graduate, obviously you'll be consumed with finding work and making ends meet, but having support and comfort from your bf during your stressful post-college life might be just what you need. There are going to be times when you start to wonder if it will work or not, but I've been told to stop looking that far ahead and just live in the moment in my relationship, so that I can appreciate every moment that we do have together if things don't end up working out in the long run. It's been to enjoy it now then just spend the whole time stressing out. If you care for your bf, then it seems silly to leave him because you're worried about something that hasn't even happened yet. Best of luck to you! I hope everything works out for the best! 
  • Tay_Baby_318@xanga

    If you care about him, things will all work out.

    I mean, I am the opposite--the younger of the two--and often I feel like my boyfriend could be off and doing bigger and better things.


    I'm assuming that since he isn't, it means he is content.

    An important question to ask yourself is if you really want to do bigger and better things.
  • k_lewey@xanga

    my boyfriend is 23 and i'm 19... i'm in my first year of college and he's in his second year out of college.


    we joke about our age difference a lot, but there's never really been a problem... except for the fact that i can't go to the bars with him :(


    we make it work and we're both happy.
  • supersteller@xanga

    Aww, the comments on this blog are making me feel better :')

    You guys made it work in the long run, then have faith to make it work now and in the future. Don't throw away a good thing, unless you have to.

    If it's absolutely straining and you can't take it anymore, then I suggest taking action.

    Good luck! :)

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